Discussion Does anyone else suffer from CPTSD?

[coldblood]

CPTSD is the main reason I want to CTB. It is horrible and infects every part of my life. It stems from childhood trauma. I suffer with isolation. Destroyed confidence. Insomnia. Hiding my true self from others. I find it hard to connect to others. It's hard to regulate my emotions. I'm constantly on guard. Always afraid. I have chronic tension. I'm so disconnected from the world around me. I could move countries and not care about anyone or anything I leave behind.

Every year of my life, this disease gets worse. I've been in therapy for nearly a decade. I try so hard. And it seems all for nothing. I can't keep doing this. I have learnt to put on a constant mask so that I don't fall apart every day. People honestly think I'm a happy normal person. And yet I battle so hard every single fucking day just to stay alive. For years. Does anyone else relate? Or wanna be friends? Or just die together?

 

[Monique696]

I feel you. Also have cptsd due to a decade of child abuse. It's rough.
Been fighting for a decent pension since years and feel like I should just give up already.
The issues,flashbacks, depressions, frustration and pain and anger. Is it all worth it at the end? I honestly don't know.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Yeahh I do. From childhood & adulthood trauma.

It's slowly killing me once again. I dunno how long I can survive the severity of this... it's def a main reason for wanting to CTB.


To answer ur questions yeah im open to both.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Yes, My cptsd was caused by my malignant narcissist mother and paedophile stepfather.
And yes, it never goes away, not all the therapy and meds in the world could ever fix me back to any state of normality ever again.

 

[Monique696]

Yeahh I do. From childhood & adulthood trauma.

It's slowly killing me once again. I dunno how long I can survive the severity of this... it's def a main reason for wanting to CTB.


To answer ur questions yeah im open to both.

It's a constant struggle.
There are good days and then there are hard times.
almost went a few years ago. Dont know if I made the right choice.so many questions and the only thing to do is to take life one day at a time. Are the good days worth it tho? I honestly don't know.
Just trying to build something up so my husband is taken care off and I can silently slip away into nothingness I guess
It's a plan. Might not be the best but its a plan

 

[The anhedonic one]

It's a constant struggle.
There are good days and then there are hard times.
almost went a few years ago. Dont know if I made the right choice.so many questions and the only thing to do is to take life one day at a time. Are the good days worth it tho? I honestly don't know.
Just trying to build something up so my husband is taken care off and I can silently slip away into nothingness I guess
It's a plan. Might not be the best but its a plan

I don't even think the good days are worth it anymore, even though the good days are few and far between now.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I wouldn't say my current ideation revolves around it. Still- maybe the reason I'm like I am is because of what happened back then.

It's weird reading your post- a lot of things I relate on. The crushing lack of confidence. The social anxiousness. The one I never really thought about before is the lack of attachment to anywhere. I'm the same- I can and have packed up and moved without much hesitation or looking back. I guess there are certain things I miss about various places but it doesn't exactly feel 'normal'!

Do you find that your sense of continuity is messed up too? Like- you've lived more than one lifetime? It's not just the childhood/ adulthood split- it's lots of little lives sort of strung loosely together. I don't remember when stuff has happened either. Like- some people can be given a year and they'd know where they were and what they were doing. I struggle with that.

 

[Monique696]

It's funny when you read some books about cptsd and what common symptoms look like in the survivors.
You will find yourself so often in there. People who have been educated in it should be able to spot someone who has been abused from miles away

The feeling of knowing I might now be normal but at least my health issues are common for that diagnosis makes me feel better. Almost human like if that makes sense.

 

[loyalskateboard]

I think I have cptsd. I've been diagnosed with ptsd but my current psychologist said it's complex/chronic

It's very very hard. The emotional flashbacks, the hyper vigilance, the lack of knowing who you were before the trauma happened. I experience a lot of isolation too. It's hard. I feel like everyone else is going about their lives and I'm just stuck with my pain. It's hard not to blame myself for my lack of ability to just pull it together.

If you ever want someone to talk/vent to, my dms are open