Does anyone else not see a future?

[Eudaimonic]

Indeed. I can't imagine functioning in the real world, nor do I have a desire to. I see only two probable futures: one where I'm still miserable and nonfunctional and one where I'm dead. My life trajectory amounts to a passive suicide, one which will, in all likelihood, culminate in an active one.

 

[yxmux]

I can imagine a future that I'd like, but it'd be a completely different person taking that role from me. I'm a freshman in college right now, and I don't really think I'm gonna be doing much productive afterwards. I had a free-ride, but I've been skipping classes left and right whenever I felt like it, and I'm probably gonna continue doing that (rip scholarships). Self-sabotage is a good way to generate impulse to suicide anyways I think.

I wish I could've just stayed 5 years old forever honestly.

 

[Final_Choice]

I don't see any future for me, but I made a promise that I'd at least wait until graduation so maybe it'll change by then, but probably won't.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Does anyone else not see a future for themself? I don't see a future for myself where I'm a real adult. I don't see myself working, being independent, having a partner, getting married, having children, having a family, settling down, etc. I just can't imagine myself doing these things. I never wanted any of them anyways. I really think that I was meant to die a long time ago

Even if you did. It's not possible. Just to "live" (and by that I mean pay rent, commute and sometimes do something every now and then) in London is £100,000 rock bottom. After tax it's around £60,000. So yeah it's not feasible - oh and that's just 1 person - forget about children and partner - won't be able to afford it. It's done.

This is why the UK and the USA always fudge the "employment" numbers. Earning minimum wage isn't "liveable". It just looks good for the stats. The ONS (office of national statistics) fudge numbers a lot here. If they gave out real numbers on employment, crime, covid, etc - it would mass panic the normies. Even I got accused of being selfish and "killing grandma" for not taking the jab. lol. Hellscape.

 

[sserafim]

I'm the same. I can't really picture myself ever going anywhere in life. I just feel like living long and having a future isn't meant for me.

Same. I feel like living out a full life isn't for me, nor do I want to. I feel like I'm meant to die young

 

[theJuice818]

Does anyone else not see a future for themself? I don't see a future for myself where I'm a real adult. I don't see myself working, being independent, having a partner, getting married, having children, having a family, settling down, etc. I just can't imagine myself doing these things. I never wanted any of them anyways. I really think that I was meant to die a long time ago

I honestly don't know, I don't see myself having a fulltime job or settling down in any sort. I'm not really sure what is suppose to be next after school and it kind a terrifies me. I don't want insane wealth without working or anything, I just want to feel comfurtable doing whatever it is I have to.

 

[sserafim]

Indeed. I can't imagine functioning in the real world, nor do I have a desire to. I see only two probable futures: one where I'm still miserable and nonfunctional and one where I'm dead. My life trajectory amounts to a passive suicide, one which will, in all likelihood, culminate in an active one.

Same. My whole life has been a passive suicide

Even if you did. It's not possible. Just to "live" (and by that I mean pay rent, commute and sometimes do something every now and then) in London is £100,000 rock bottom. After tax it's around £60,000. So yeah it's not feasible - oh and that's just 1 person - forget about children and partner - won't be able to afford it. It's done.

This is why the UK and the USA always fudge the "employment" numbers. Earning minimum wage isn't "liveable". It just looks good for the stats. The ONS (office of national statistics) fudge numbers a lot here. If they gave out real numbers on employment, crime, covid, etc - it would mass panic the normies. Even I got accused of being selfish and "killing grandma" for not taking the jab. lol. Hellscape.

The thing is that I just don't want to. I never wanted to grow up or be an adult anyways. I was forced to against my will because of the inevitable passage of time

Same. For years I thought I wouldn't make it to 18. Here I am at 20. I'm so overwhelmed at the thought of living any longer.

Me too. I'm overwhelmed at the thought of having to live any longer because then I'll have to be a real adult. I don't want to have to adult. For me, it's NEET or rope

i don't: i haven't from s young age and now that i'm almost 30, it just kicks the wanting to CTB feelings in more and more.

I wish that there was a button that I could press to fade out of existence

 

[calebzz1]

Honestly with what happened after surgery and the visual effects that resulted from it, not really.

I already struggle to enjoy life as is and can't really see myself living for a long time unless the symptoms improve or something miraculous happens.

I don't feel 23 at all but being a full-fledged adult is scary and seems like life is a never endless capitalistic grind.

 

[sserafim]

I already struggle to enjoy life as is and can't really see myself living for a long time unless the symptoms improve or something miraculous happens.

I don't feel 23 at all but being a full-fledged adult is scary and seems like life is a never endless capitalistic grind.

Me neither. I feel 17 at most. I agree that being an adult is scary. I just don't see the point of life (as an adult). Like you said, it is an endless capitalist grind. What's the payoff? There is none. It's all work but no reward

 

[Hunter2005]

Nah I don't see a future for me either. Unfortunately this life has been bitting me in the ass from the beginning.

 

[Time4Peace]

Simply put, if I had the guts, I would gtfo right now. I guess when it will be too much to handle then it will be the right time.

This place is suffering. Body? Suffering. Ppl? Betray and swing. If that's not enough to be lonely and misreable, our mind gets corrupt with all kind of perversion and lies.

What a place to be. NOT!

 

[calebzz1]

Me neither. I feel 17 at most. I agree that being an adult is scary. I just don't see the point of life (as an adult). Like you said, it is an endless capitalist grind. What's the payoff? There is none. It's all work but no reward

I can't argue with that my friend, throw in my dream surgery going wrong and this whole vision issue taking over my life and there's a recipe for disaster.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Yeah, I see a future and it looks bleak - aging, disease, pain, loneliness, eventual death anyways, etc. Why go through all that? I dont like to suffer.

 

[juna]

I stopped seeing the future some time ago. I could only see myself working a job and that's it. And I am at that future. I don't see anything else. I cannot see myself getting married or anything else, so I think this is it for me. I do see myself ctbing soon. I visualize myself writing a note and think about what all things I want to write almost everyday. Then I break into tears, not because I will die but because of the emotional pain I feel. So, this is all my life was about.

 

[sserafim]

Yeah, I see a future and it looks bleak - aging, disease, pain, loneliness, eventual death anyways, etc. Why go through all that? I dont like to suffer.

Literally. I'd rather die now. I don't see the point of suffering, nor do I want to suffer

 

[Z-A]

I stopped caring about the future for a while now, it's been very peaceful since. I used to be a schemer constantly planning things and overthinking about the future but now i'm just burned out from it, now I just do things . Honestly I would rather die than continue living in this slavish world with unlimited potential of pain and harm, there no future in my eyes. Even with a lot of money, there is no fixing suffering.

 

[Amnesiac_88]

I've never seen a future for myself and i don't even want a future, i don't want to get married, have children or do any of the things you're supposed to do when you get older, there's nothing i would like to achieve in life, i'm also pretty much useless so i'd rather just die young than keep suffering for so many years and being more miserable as i get older

 

[lain_iwa]

ofc i don't, the mounting regrets about the past make it impossible. i will never be the kind of person that can just push that aside and move through it. my soul, my identity has been permanently scarred and there's no going back.

 

[Abyssal]

Never have, boggles my mind that others can

Do normal people see a future or do that just not care about being unable to? So weird

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

seems like life is a never endless capitalistic grind.

Being born in a socialist society, I'd say the grind there also sucked.

 

[NullSz00]

I think I never really cared about my own future.

I just came to the conclusion that I simply don't deserve a future other than being dead.

 

[mtoro998]

I dont see any future for myself anymore besides cbt. It would be nice to see this hell scape crumble though if im still alive.

 

[MBG]

Does anyone else not see a future for themself? I don't see a future for myself where I'm a real adult. I don't see myself working, being independent, having a partner, getting married, having children, having a family, settling down, etc. I just can't imagine myself doing these things. I never wanted any of them anyways. I really think that I was meant to die a long time ago

If you don't make such things goals, and make plans—as much as you can—to achieve them and take daily or at least weekly steps to make progress on achieving those goals, you are unlikely to achieve any of them or have any happiness in your life. (Forgive the run on sentence.)

(Happiness comes from pursuing and making progress towards achieving goals you deeply value. For most humans that's education, career, marriage and family, friends, hobbies, sports or interests.)

Without any happiness in life you end up spending time on a forum like this posting until you get fed up with life….

 

[Denza]

i dont see anything that would make me want to look that far ahead
things are shitty enough already and the thought of it getting worse makes me want to give up more and more

 

[Kurai]

I don't see a future for myself at all, only thing I look forward to is my death

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

This is unfortunately a common struggle for us autistic people. When the world is fundamentally designed for the neurotypical experience, right down to the unspoken rules, social norms, and expectations, it can be difficult to ascertain a place or purpose for oneself amongst the deep sense of alienation that defines the autistic experience.

Akin to many others here, I had always told myself I wouldn't make it to 15, then 17, 18, 20, but time kept marching on. Then, suddenly I'm almost 25 years old. With the steady and unrelenting passage of time, I've constantly been confronted with the indomitable callousness of adult life. Had to stare it in the face so many times, and with each instance, I feel like I lose yet another piece of myself, another ephemeral shred of innocence that I will never get back. And yet I'm supposed to endure decades of this? Is that a future, or simply purgatory?

Despite being suicidal over half my life now, I always did try to build up some sort of future, a modicum of a life worth living, only to realise far too late that it's not in the cards for me. I have held employment on and off since I was about 16 years old, I've put up with awful work environments that damaged my health and didn't benefit me in any way, pushed forward in education despite coming from a background where higher education is rare and the youth in my area are sorely under-prepared for it, and struggled all the way because disabled people are not welcome in these environments unless you can somehow "compensate" for your impairment.

I moved to a foreign country where I knew nothing, I've had romantic relationships (most of which were abusive and damaging), had to exist with no support since most of my relatives are dead, and have seen firsthand how responsibilities raise the stakes and create a sense of obligation that keeps one shackled even in the face of great stress and misery. Once you develop health problems, the grind becomes even more difficult if not impossible.

I'm supposed to take on even more responsibility, to prime myself to be a wife and a mother who desires a mortgage and running a home, while also being a girlboss climbing the corporate/career ladder and running the endless wheel of the rat race. But I am not physically capable of these things. So what is left but a profound sense of emptiness that words cannot even begin to describe?

It's not as if I didn't desire some of these things. Yet, an upbringing rife with neglect and abuse on top of being developmentally delayed stunted me socially and make relationships and networking a herculean task. Health problems that have been ongoing for years destroyed my prospects anyways. I've always felt more sensitive than others and not cut on for the onslaught of loneliness and stress that adulthood embodies. There's such a lack of warmth and happiness that accompanies maturity, for me.

There are people who are incredibly resilient and can make something out of nothing, but I am not one of those people. Thus, I see no future left for me. I think many people work towards a future so that they can live for others, those strong bonds keep them motivated and pushing forward. Yet, life is profoundly lonely for me. As the years have gone by, I watched my father die, my aunt die who was somewhat of a mother figure to me, all of my great aunts and uncles, my grandpa who raised me since birth, my other grandmother whom I had no relationship with in adulthood due to her abusive and volatile behaviour... And now I'm watching my grandma who raised me- and is the only mother I will ever have since mine abandoned me- lay in a hospital bed.

I have nobody who loves me unconditionally and the "future" feels like a permanent spiral of grief more than anything else. The thing I hated the most about becoming an adult was realising that adult relationships are transactional. A romantic partner may provide emotional and financial support, but they can never replace family. As a traumatized woman who mostly loathes sex and is terrified of pregnancy, I am basically worthless to these men (and other women too). There is never going to be any sense of stability as long as the caveat of any romantic relationship is, "have sex with me."

Believe me, I tried the whole find your tribe and make your own family shit too. I've spent years trying to cultivate friendships and all of it dried up once people graduated university and moved back in with their real families. There's no real connection, it's all surface level. People prioritize their blood family, their partners, and their hopes of having children with those partners. The older I get, the more alone and alienated I am because everyone my age is following that path and I have no interest in taking on a permanent, lifelong responsibility especially not in poor health.

Chronic illness took away my ability to really enjoy or engage with hobbies and interests, or to have the career I wanted, a career where I am already ostracized for being autistic and would never fit in anyway. I am well aware there is no future for me- even others who know me are aware of this and pity me- and yet I am expected to rot regardless. Screw this nonexistent future, I would much rather have the past again. I would do anything to experience the peace I felt as a little girl when my family was still alive, to sit in the sunshine with my grandma and grandpa and go to the outdoor market with them on sundays after we all had dinner together.

What do I have to look forward to in the future when everything that did make me feel alive is GONE or decaying?

 

[eternapeace]

When I was young, I thought I'd be dead by 18.
Then when I was still alive and kicking at 19, I thought I'd be dead by 25. Then 30.

Now I'm starting to think I'll be alive until I die from something other than suicide even though I don't want to be.

I could never see a future that was tangible, in reach and meaningful. I mostly just coast along day to day with little real purpose/goal and I think I've been like that my whole life. Largely on autopilot. Which is quite sad and pointless.

But then there was the brief interlude where I actually did see a meaningful future, in large part to the synchronicity between my fiancé and I. It was actually very odd for me - an alien feeling - to be "happy", to actually look forward to building something.

(I've had plenty relationships before him where I didn't feel this way, something about us together just fit).

Anyway it was short lived because of his death. His death reset me to how I was before I met him but magnified tenfold. I am absolutely incapable of envisioning any kind of future where anything at all is worth it anymore, never mind trying to attain it. Yet, I'm still here.

Right now there are probably millions of humans out there living a monotonous life that they're not particularly attached to. But they go through the motions of what society dictates, they survive, but they don't question if it's worth it: autopilot. Only reason I suspect they don't find their way here is because they haven't started questioning if it's worth it.

Also, I'm two decades older than you and I still don't feel like a "real adult".

Currently in my 30s and pretty much all of this resonates with me with only 2 differences. One difference is I've never had a romantic relationship. The other difference is that when I was young, I didn't think I would die early. For some reason, I just assumed life would go smoothly and be worth living. Then from my early 20's onwards I just lost any joy from life and became nihilistic. Had no idea why I was born/why I'm on this Earth, what my goals are. Never felt like a "real adult". Just going through the motions of eat/bathroom stuff, school/work, entertainment, sleep. Pretending to be like "normal" people. No real urge to go places or socialize/meet new people or read books/learn new skills.

Was feeling suicidal 1-1.5 years ago but unfortunately that feeling subsided so have had to deal with life again until I get that feeling back or until I die some other way.

The luckiest people are (a) those who don't even think about whether they're happy or not/whether life is worth living; or (b) those who live with conviction/are grounded by something (e.g. religious beliefs). Also, fortunate are those who have a natural excitement to explore and learn new things.

There are people who are incredibly resilient and can make something out of nothing, but I am not one of those people. Thus, I see no future left for me. I think many people work towards a future so that they can live for others, those strong bonds keep them motivated and pushing forward. Yet, life is profoundly lonely for me. As the years have gone by, I watched my father die, my aunt die who was somewhat of a mother figure to me, all of my great aunts and uncles, my grandpa who raised me since birth, my other grandmother whom I had no relationship with in adulthood due to her abusive and volatile behaviour... And now I'm watching my grandma who raised me- and is the only mother I will ever have since mine abandoned me- lay in a hospital bed.

I have nobody who loves me unconditionally and the "future" feels like a permanent spiral of grief more than anything else. The thing I hated the most about becoming an adult was realising that adult relationships are transactional. A romantic partner may provide emotional and financial support, but they can never replace family. As a traumatized woman who mostly loathes sex and is terrified of pregnancy, I am basically worthless to these men (and other women too). There is never going to be any sense of stability as long as the caveat of any romantic relationship is, "have sex with me."

Believe me, I tried the whole find your tribe and make your own family shit too. I've spent years trying to cultivate friendships and all of it dried up once people graduated university and moved back in with their real families. There's no real connection, it's all surface level. People prioritize their blood family, their partners, and their hopes of having children with those partners. The older I get, the more alone and alienated I am because everyone my age is following that path and I have no interest in taking on a permanent, lifelong responsibility especially not in poor health.

I feel this. The only strong-ish bonds I have are with my immediate family, and 2 of my 3 siblings are now married so they're more distant now/their focus is on their spouse and children. As for grandparents, 3/4 are dead and my parents are old enough where I could expect them to die anyday.

I had been raised Christian and to believe that love is unconditional. But, eventually I woke up and realized it's not. The closest to unconditional love is parental love but raising children is just following the biological imperative. There's so many orphaned children, yet most people would still rather create more mini-me's than adopt someone else's.

Never had any romantic relationships, but like you I realized that just like with platonic relationships and business relationships, they are transactional. Which is probably part of the reason I've not really been enthusiastic about pursuing a romantic relationship or having any sort of relationships with most people.

 

[karmaisabitch]

I don't have future without my son.

 

[DeadButDreaming]

Being born in a socialist society, I'd say the grind there also sucked.

"You'll work harder with a gun in your back for a bowl of rice a day..."

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I see a future. I'm here because I don't like it.