• New TOR Mirror: suicidffbey666ur5gspccbcw2zc7yoat34wbybqa3boei6bysflbvqd.onion

  • Hey Guest,

    If you want to donate, we have a thread with updated donation options here at this link: About Donations

Dead Horse

Dead Horse

Hopeless, but literally
Nov 14, 2018
140
I actually don't feel even partly human, lol. My whole life I felt there was something off about me. Things that seem easy for actual humans like communication with others, having goals and ambitions and the drive to pursue them were always alien to me. Anything more than existing seems too much work for so little reward. It's probably because of my depression, but when you are depressed for so long, you forget that there is a different way to live.

 
F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
7,623
I feel human. I definitely wanted very human things at one time- love, friendship, acceptance. I just don't trust the world or other people enough for all that now. Too many bad or disappointing experiences. Even when the experiences are good, people can die or circumstances change. Forming deep connections in life also invites in the possibility/probability of loss and I'm sick of feeling loss so, I'm effectively living a stunted life in order to protect myself. Plus, I have social anxieties which make being around people unpleasant.
 
pilotviolin

pilotviolin

Student
Jan 27, 2024
159
yeah. sometimes i look at weird constructs or myself and how i feel and its like "why? i can just ignore it" from passive aggressive emails, my own loneliness, laws, whatever. i dont feel better than anyone for it even though i get frustrated (but idk i understand why people care) i just feel a bit lost and hollow. and i dont think it is entirely that i, myself am not human, but that this world is less human too. or is it the essence of being human? is being human cruel and methodical? is being human kind? is to be posthumanist, actually very human? is flesh more human than human made steel? is there a checklist of human traits to be human, or is just being born classified homo sapien enough?

i dont really believe in normies and NPCs though, i dont think its beneficial to outside of fucking around and finding out. everyones a few steps closer than they think they are. the steps are close, just frustrating to cross, and not even ordered up and down, theyre just some abstract shape we get splat onto by the spatula of organised matter and cells. it might be confusing that you are stuck to "you" and in a weird mode of existance (dazai was mentioned here! while i am not talking about him here, "no longer human" is mentioned in a simple mobile game; alter ego. one of the lines in the game from es, the character you interact with says "if you split my body in half, which side would i reside?"), theres value in assuming everyone is an undiscovered universe. when i was younger, i used to think some people just went through life with no thoughts, until i realised we thought pretty similarly with different exteriors. if people know to create video games in a 1st perspective then they are real or at least are real in an approximation to how you are real. ok sorry for derailing into exploring solipism but yeah i guess i thought i would pitch in on this because i find the discussion interesting.
 
  • Informative
Reactions: sserafim
sserafim

sserafim

the darker the night, the brighter the stars
Sep 13, 2023
7,629
My whole life I've always felt like I was a ghost or a robot or something like that, as if I didn't even have a soul or was truly a living being. I've just accepted it these days.
Same. I've always felt like a ghost
 
  • Like
Reactions: Final_Choice
untothedepths

untothedepths

I am falling I am fading I have lost it all
Mar 20, 2023
261
I feel like a "camera on a humanoid robotic frame". This isn't to say I don't feel emotions or empathy I do, but I can easily zone out and just stare at the wall lost in thought. Probably some combination of autism, BPD, and that static filter condition I've always had in the vision I recently learned about that also causes disassociation. It's just too bad I'm not allowed to withdraw entirely from this world and into my mind permanently. I'd take it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sserafim
xinino

xinino

I am sorry, pls come back
Mar 31, 2024
286
Yes, but repressed. I just feel that the human inside me is constrained by law, social norms, and even by my rationality itself. I wish I was stupid enough to embrace irrationality, I envy some people for being 'free from reason itself, where you only follow your emotions' Moreover, as long as you are alive there is love in you "you still love yourself enough to prevent future suffering by committing suicide or you still love yourself enough to live cause suicide is hard, in both ways love work to prevent suffering"
 
Last edited:
  • Informative
Reactions: sserafim
EvisceratedJester

EvisceratedJester

|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
Oct 21, 2023
1,066
It's that way for me as well. I think that even though I don't feel fully human, I still have a superiority complex. I view normies as NPCs who live on autopilot and instinct. Normies never stop to ponder the real questions, like the meaning of life. They're driven solely by survival. They seem to be ignorant, dumb and stupid and don't have minds of their own. They have no critical thinking skills and follow herd mentality. I also feel like I was born into the wrong world. It's like I'm on the wrong planet
Most people ponder on things like the meaning of life. You need to learn to think outside of yourself and consider the fact that everyone around you is a complex person with their own experiences and issues. You keep on reducing people down to what they show in public but what people show in public is rarely a good representation of the true person they are. Most people have critical thinking skills but we live in system that is hard to rebel against. You kind of have no choice but to part take in it to some extent. Hell, even you probably part take in it, despite being a NEET.
 
  • Informative
  • Like
Reactions: sserafim and 4am
BackToLobby

BackToLobby

Devastated
Apr 9, 2024
35
People have treated me like sh¡t so many times that now I find myself holed up in my room as if I were a sub-human or a monster
 
  • Like
Reactions: sserafim and xinino
sserafim

sserafim

the darker the night, the brighter the stars
Sep 13, 2023
7,629
I haven't cried for a long time, but my eyes welled up today when I thought about being a kid and how 2014 was 10 years ago. I wish I could be a kid again and that it could be 2014, not 2024
People have treated me like sh¡t so many times that now I find myself holed up in my room as if I were a sub-human or a monster
I don't feel sub-human or like a monster, I just don't like people. I'd rather stay in my room than go outside and interact with them tbh. There's nothing to like about people anyways
 
Last edited:
  • Hugs
Reactions: Pluto
derpyderpins

derpyderpins

Misery Minimization Activist
Sep 19, 2023
336
I haven't cried for a long time, but my eyes welled up today when I thought about being a kid and how 2014 was 10 years ago. I wish I could be a kid again and that it could be 2014, not 2024

I don't feel sub-human or like a monster, I just don't like people. I'd rather stay in my room than go outside and interact with them tbh. There's nothing to like about people anyways
What did you like about being a kid?
 
  • Like
Reactions: sserafim
Alcoholic Teletubby

Alcoholic Teletubby

Rip in piss
Jan 10, 2022
360
(story of my autist life)

Scott Matthew - Be Human (Ghost in the Shell OST)
 
  • Like
Reactions: sserafim
sserafim

sserafim

the darker the night, the brighter the stars
Sep 13, 2023
7,629
What did you like about being a kid?
Just how everything was carefree and how I had no worries. I hate how adulthood is full of responsibilities and how I'm expected to be independent
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: derpyderpins
sserafim

sserafim

the darker the night, the brighter the stars
Sep 13, 2023
7,629
What did you like about being a kid?
This guy gets it

https://neets.net/threads/the-sad-truth-of-being-an-adult-adult-life-is-miserable.46720/

"I miss going outside and being a kid tbh, I'm so sick of all this shit man I wanna cry everyday but I can't because I'm grown now

Why do we have to dress good pay bills and all this dumb stuff? It's like everyone's okay with this. And no one is trying to stop it everyone is working just to work.

I'm not working for the system or corporations ever. People are evil as well especially foids which I will cover in the future.

Once you're an adult you see how shallow and soulless society is."
 
derpyderpins

derpyderpins

Misery Minimization Activist
Sep 19, 2023
336
Just how everything was carefree and how I had no worries. I hate how adulthood is full of responsibilities and how I'm expected to be independent
I'm glad there was a time when you felt carefree. You may never get back to quite that level of innocence but I hope you're able to capture some of it. I definitely understand right now, as I've been working crazy hours this past week. It can be tough. And, yes, it definitely seems like most people are okay with it. Hopefully more people who are at least somewhat antiwork keep moving up and being easier with hours.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sserafim
Hated By All

Hated By All

Death will give me peace
Sep 21, 2022
458
Well I'm kind of the same, I didn't desire girlfriends at one time, I was more interested in my games and pokemon and even now I have no desire to start a family and be in society. It's probably thanks to the aspergers/autism and the delayed development.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sserafim
sserafim

sserafim

the darker the night, the brighter the stars
Sep 13, 2023
7,629
Well I'm kind of the same, I didn't desire girlfriends at one time, I was more interested in my games and pokemon and even now I have no desire to start a family and be in society. It's probably thanks to the aspergers/autism and the delayed development.
I've never desired a boyfriend. I'm just not interested in people, intimacy, connection, love, romance or relationships in general. I like games and Pokémon too. What's your favorite (Pokémon) game and Pokémon? My favorite is Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Sky. I like eevee, espeon, umbreon, glaceon, vulpix, alolan vulpix, dratini, dragonair, kirlia, gardevoir, ninetales, milotic, etc. also have no desire to start a family and be in society
 
Last edited:
Eudaimonic

Eudaimonic

I want to fade away.
Aug 11, 2023
287
Not really. I feel (and am) different than most people, and have a very different outlook, which makes it hard to relate to them a lot of the time. However, I don't feel inhuman per se except when I'm in the throes of a very severe depressive episode or intensely depersonalized.
 
  • Informative
Reactions: sserafim
WhenTheyCry

WhenTheyCry

if only this was just a simulation
Jun 25, 2022
228
I've never desired a boyfriend. I'm just not interested in people, intimacy, connection or relationships in general. I like games and Pokémon too. What's your favorite (Pokémon) game and Pokémon? My favorite is Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Sky. I also have no desire to start a family and be in society
There is meaning to life beyond marriage and sex. Many famous people have left their marks in history without the need to procreate.
 
  • Informative
Reactions: sserafim
sserafim

sserafim

the darker the night, the brighter the stars
Sep 13, 2023
7,629
There is meaning to life beyond marriage and sex. Many famous people have left their marks in history without the need to procreate.
Most people don't see that though. People are pressured into marriage and sex. My family wants me to get married and have children (cough cough Asian parents lol), but I don't want to. My dad views me as his property and he got mad at me for saying that I don't want a husband or kids. He told me that I have to continue the family line. Personally, I don't give a shit and I'd rather my genes die out. I don't want to be forced into doing these things which I don't want to. I want to find my own meaning
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: WhenTheyCry
Valso

Valso

Student
Mar 12, 2024
128
I've never felt human to begin with, ever since I can remember myself. I'm different than everyone else in every aspect, including how I see the world and pretty much every situation. Even my sex drive is more powerful than that of other men which only contributes to my feeling even more isolated and estranged. I can't find a common ground with the most of the men and it's a fluke I even have a male best friend.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sserafim
WhenTheyCry

WhenTheyCry

if only this was just a simulation
Jun 25, 2022
228
Most people don't see that though. People are pressured into marriage and sex. My family wants me to get married and have children (cough cough Asian parents lol), but I don't want to. My dad views me as his property and he got mad at me for saying that I don't want a husband or kids. He told me that I have to continue the family line. Personally, I don't give a shit and I'd rather my genes die out. I don't want to be forced into doing these things which I don't want to. I want to find my own meaning
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. My parents are also pressuring me to have children, but I predict they'll be dysfunctional autists like me so I refuse to do so. People love this line, "Your child could be the next Einstein". They could also be the next Hitler. It's 2024, I'm shaking my head seeing people still viewing women as walking wombs.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sserafim
Hated By All

Hated By All

Death will give me peace
Sep 21, 2022
458
I've never desired a boyfriend. I'm just not interested in people, intimacy, connection, love, romance or relationships in general. I like games and Pokémon too. What's your favorite (Pokémon) game and Pokémon? My favorite is Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Sky. I like eevee, vulpix, dratini, kirlia, etc. also have no desire to start a family and be in society
I'm not interested in and can't connect with most people either and my favourite Pokemon games are Heartgold, Emerald, White, Let's go Pikachu, I only played one of the mystery dungeon games, I don't know too much about that and my favourite Pokemon are Eevee (and all of its evolutions) Pikachu, Mew, Charizard, Reshiram, Typhlosion, Groudon and Tyranitar.

Also, I opened up the Pokemon Scarlet and Violet Ultra Premium Collection earlier today and ended up with three Mew's, I'm good with that.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sserafim
Valso

Valso

Student
Mar 12, 2024
128
I've never desired a boyfriend. I'm just not interested in people, intimacy, connection, love, romance or relationships in general.
What about a sex buddy? That's easier bc there's no relationship, no love, no requirement to be faithful and no other romantic bullshit, just pure sex to satisfy each other's natural urges.
As I like to say - Sex is everything and:

 
surroundedbydemons

surroundedbydemons

Experienced
Mar 6, 2024
251
Have you watched American Psycho?

Your post reminded me of that "I simply am not there" scene.

 
  • Informative
Reactions: sserafim
Hated By All

Hated By All

Death will give me peace
Sep 21, 2022
458
I've never desired a boyfriend. I'm just not interested in people, intimacy, connection, love, romance or relationships in general. I like games and Pokémon too. What's your favorite (Pokémon) game and Pokémon? My favorite is Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Sky. I like eevee, espeon, umbreon, glaceon, vulpix, alolan vulpix, dratini, dragonair, kirlia, gardevoir, ninetales, milotic, etc. also have no desire to start a family and be in society
I also like milotic and ninetails too.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sserafim
OCDsufferer

OCDsufferer

no longer human
Apr 17, 2024
54
I do not feel fully human but I am very aware it is because in the culture I live in I cannot be myself. I consider myself to be genderless/sexless and yet such a thing isn't accepted as far as my eyes can see. That coupled with my autism really does make me feel like I'm akin to a martian.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sserafim
hug

hug

Member
Apr 12, 2024
31
For me, it's different.

Sometimes I feel that the people around me are not human, but "subhuman".
Every time I look at the people in my town, I feel that they are not capable of understanding what life really is and what world they are in. I begin to notice that they only care about satisfying their most primitive needs (food, sex, belonging to a group, family, etc...); But they don't look around them and they are not capable of comprehending the universe, life, suffering, etc...

I feel like I was born in the wrong world...
I think so too, you know? I feel like people don't usually think much about subjects like death, their feelings, because it hurts, it hurts a lot, it's worse than death. They are so happy with so little and even though they know they are going to die one day, they still care about simple things, you know. I have already accepted the fact that I am a primitive animal just like them, I feel happy with worldly pleasures and I get very angry when they hurt my ego, I am so useless to the point of hating my family even though I know that one day they will die , and I'm obviously going to fall apart if that happens, but I don't accept that, because I'm an animal like a chimp, we all are, man, that's so sad.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sserafim

Similar threads

cocoseal
Replies
26
Views
384
Suicide Discussion
Guy089001
G
sserafim
Replies
62
Views
1K
Suicide Discussion
Dmoore3232
Dmoore3232
G
Replies
2
Views
108
Suicide Discussion
J&L383
J
mapleboy
Replies
1
Views
100
Suicide Discussion
d-tea
d-tea