I lost all social connections during the COVID hysteria.
I have gone so long without real life friends (or online) I am starting to lose the ability to actually conduct human conversation. Because I am so disconnected, I am relating to less and less, becoming more and more alienated. So that means when people actually try and even have small talk with me, I am totally lost.
Please don't let yourself get to this point--if you can. I am an introvert, but I realize absolute 0 is a lot different than minimal, manageable, harmonious, serene interactions. There's being a lone wolf and then there's being pretty much socially disabled.
Today a woman asked me if I was staying in town for the summer, and I said "I think so." That was it. I then stopped walking alongside her, smiled, and waved as she looked a little confused and her smile disappeared as she turned away eventually. Maybe it doesn't sound that bad or that I'm overthinking it, but this is the maximum depth of any interactions I am having, for years now. Except for almost making a friend--bonding purely over happening upon someone as bizarro and depressed as myself including suicidal ideation--that intentionally real life ignored my presence for a few weeks to inflict pain and said they apologized because they knew such behaviour would hurt them if the tables were turned, and that it was because they had self-sabotaging tendencies and feelings of unworthiness. Then they did the same thing again--then started nasty rumors about me in the school program in which I was enrolled. So unfortunately, fellow depressed lowlifes are not a great pool of friends either.
Sorry, not trying to make it about me. Just trying to say it's a vicious cycle that is very difficult to get out of. You'd need a lot of sudden verve from somewhere, like drugs, which I already abuse.
Really just saying I understand you. It sucks. I think there are a lot older people in this situation, and probably more and more younger folks these days as well.
Best luck and hopes for you, online stranger friends. Isn't it also awful how you can actually easily try and ask real life people to be your friend, and they'd probably agree out of pity or to look good, or maybe even they do want a new friend as well. But the only real friendships (not acquaintances) in my life arose naturally and without forcing it.