Discussion Does anyone else hate making a date for when you’re gonna ctb? I like to just take one day at a time

[Neogoloid]

I don't do that anymore because I know I'll back out that day if I plan for it, I'll just think "damn well I wanna eat more, and damn I wanna play some more video games though". I'm just gonna do it when I'm 100% ready, just a random day. I'm not worried about backing out of it all together though. I know for certain that I'm going to ctb. I just really wanna make sure I know what I'm doing so I don't fuck this up and turn myself into a vegetable. But I'm definitely making progress. I almost passed out yesterday, luckily I stopped myself in time. Was just doing a practice partial hanging session.

Also the tired feeling I get from it is kind of a stress reliever, and just knowing I can take my life at any time and from the comfort of my own room is just so damn reliving, you have no idea. Makes me feel like I'm the one in control for once. if reincarnation was real, I don't wanna live again unless I could be reborn 6ft or taller, attractive, strong, white, good hair genes, wealthy/rich family. I will not accept anything else or I will wanna ctb again.

Life is just stupid and it's a scam if you're not at the top, so many people put in all this effort for just the bare minimum, there will always be winners and losers. It's always been this way since the beginning of life. Some people thrive, some don't. But death is the equalizer and the guy who's been suffering all his life has nothing to lose. But the guy with everything has it all to lose.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm not setting a date for my CTB for obvious reasons. It would just put unnecessary pressure on me, make me nervous or other unnecessary stress. I have my method ready and when the time is there (probably a trigger point) I can go at anytime. Then it's hopefully "easy" to overcome SI.

 

[chocosyrup]

I guess it really depends on the person.
I personally prefer it because I can be more ready for it and I think it would help me with SI.

Lots of people don't like it because of the reasons you listed and I respect that

I think it's just personal preference really

 

[BananiFatFat]

Yea it seems like too much pressure. I'd rather die impulsively.

 

[Archness]

But death is the equalizer and the guy who's been suffering all his life has nothing to lose. But the guy with everything has it all to lose.

Truth.

Personally I'm not rly in a rush to ctb. If I do it, I do it. When I do it, is when I do it. I've set a deadline for my birthday in December, but even that's well too early for me to decide. Honesty, I find that saying "I'll CTB at X time" or "I'll chose life or death by X" is much more emotionally charged and irrational then "I'll ctb when I ctb". setting things up to be able to ctb whenever you eventually decide to do it sounds nice and much easier then being restricted somewhat.

 

[Aim]

Yess, i can relate to this alot. I tried setting a date many times before, but couldnt go trought with it. Only thing is, is that im not sure if it was the method or what it was. But i feel alot more calm now, then before about ctb. Knowing that i have a method that is peaceful. <3

 

[Lookoutbelow]

I'm not setting a date for my CTB for obvious reasons. It would just put unnecessary pressure on me, make me nervous or other unnecessary stress. I have my method ready and when the time is there (probably a trigger point) I can go at anytime. Then it's hopefully "easy" to overcome SI.

Yes

 

[NeedAnEscape]

I can't imagine setting a date. My desire to CTB comes with a lot of planning, but so much of that prep involves emotional burdens on my soul. I can barely handle the weight of my own emotions, setting out a deadline wouldn't help. The convoluted SI would warp my judgment and lead to inevitable procrastination.

 

[sserafim]

I don't do that anymore because I know I'll back out that day if I plan for it, I'll just think "damn well I wanna eat more, and damn I wanna play some more video games though". I'm just gonna do it when I'm 100% ready, just a random day. I'm not worried about backing out of it all together though. I know for certain that I'm going to ctb. I just really wanna make sure I know what I'm doing so I don't fuck this up and turn myself into a vegetable. But I'm definitely making progress. I almost passed out yesterday, luckily I stopped myself in time. Was just doing a practice partial hanging session.

Also the tired feeling I get from it is kind of a stress reliever, and just knowing I can take my life at any time and from the comfort of my own room is just so damn reliving, you have no idea. Makes me feel like I'm the one in control for once. if reincarnation was real, I don't wanna live again unless I could be reborn 6ft or taller, attractive, strong, white, good hair genes, wealthy/rich family. I will not accept anything else or I will wanna ctb again.

Life is just stupid and it's a scam if you're not at the top, so many people put in all this effort for just the bare minimum, there will always be winners and losers. It's always been this way since the beginning of life. Some people thrive, some don't. But death is the equalizer and the guy who's been suffering all his life has nothing to lose. But the guy with everything has it all to lose.

Yeah, but I do have a timeframe for when I want to die. I want to die anytime before I reach 25.

 

[Kattt]

My last attempt was my most serious and ended in a brief period in a comatose state, on a ventilator in the ICU.
But It revealed something very significant. That our depression reaches a point where we disassociate completely. I have previously described it as "the black pit of despair". All the things that would normally linger in the mind, causing us to question our actions can no longer be seen. That pesky SI too. I've heard it described as being "blinkered".
When people see someone who appears to have everything to live for, attempt/commit suicide, this is how it happens.
With hindsight, I have no memory of that day at all. It's as if I had been operating on autopilot. I had been completely unaware of this phenomenon. But looking into it, there's plenty of accounts describing the same state of mind. It's definitely not something that can be pre-planned.

 

[DEATH IS FREEDOM]

Death is the hardest and most terrifying thing you have to go through, especially without the help of a doctor, so I think the fear is exacerbated if you know in advance when you are going to die. Of course, we all know that we are going to die in the future, but that fear is in the subconscious (the fear of death is the biggest fear) otherwise life would be too difficult for us. I think that one must commit suicide impulsively (after preparations) when life is most unbearable.

 

[ohyouknow]

It is so interesting to me to see people here saying they *want* to die impulsively. That's a POV I never considered. I go to therapy specifically so that I *won't* ctb impulsively. I want everything (date, method, place, time, emails to people, art studio cleaned out, etc.) to be well planned, purposeful, ready, etc. I have a countdown clock. But...

Anyway, it's refreshing to see a different perspective on this. Impulsivity as a positive, helpful factor.

 

[UnwillingSavior]

I sort of use a "countdown method": if too many bad things happen in one day, I set a countdown (usually 10-20 days). If nothing good happens that changes my mind at the end of the countdown, then I'll go through with it. I have every piece set up for my own resolution, it's just a matter of taking the time to set it up and use it at this point.

 

[k1w1]

I'm not setting a date for my CTB for obvious reasons. It would just put unnecessary pressure on me, make me nervous or other unnecessary stress. I have my method ready and when the time is there (probably a trigger point) I can go at anytime. Then it's hopefully "easy" to overcome SI.

Hi Mate, setting a date for me involved an international flight to Southern California to pick up a couple bottles Nembutal some 10 years back. I can tell you that the stress grew as it was a complicated plan to begin with, to the point of me losing the plot & outing myself to my brother.
Needless to say: experts were consulted but as I had not mentioned too many details, the shrink at the hospital couldnt keep me. My 'police-type' interview would make fine watching....SHRINK: " what are you most afraid of?" ME : 'That you'll stop me being able to take my overseas flight; but....I have since realised that my thoughts were selfish & foolish & I have now seen the error of my ways & intend to move move forwad from this a wiser man !"
I was on the first flight to Thailand after organising my annuals. That place always does it's good work on me & I have had another 10 years.
I agree with you Mister Mori that having the means at home & bringing it out of the cupboard one day is so much easier than globe-trotting.
Best....NZ