I spent months researching frantically methods in 2011 which lead to several failed attempts including partial hanging (couldn't go through it, would stand up/hinder myself), full hanging (had the perfect spot ended up sitting there many nights with the snare around my neck just chain smoking not taking the leap (it was an industrial bridge kind of thing in a completely soulless abandoned area I scouted many times prior) where I would have lowered my self or dropped with absolutely 0 chance of saving myself had I gone through with it, hypothermia in the winter night with alcohol and sleeping meds - was found unconscious woke up at the hospital, avoided amputation or major long term damage though, ordered gbh kept it at home until I chickened out and threw it away, life somehow started to become slightly better, in between this I was also looking to procure firearm and/or heroin through shady sources as well as darknet but ultimately failed/backed out as well as considering charcoal but backed out because too many variables were needed and I didn't see it feasible for my life situation to arrange.
Since then I have had several bouts of where I'd set my mind on hanging since after all it is the king of suicide and gets the job done but couldn't go through with it, this time because of lack of reliable anchor point and/or privacy as well as the actual scare of going through the last movement of kicking the chair or allowing me to hang - although these later times I haven't had a good anchor point where I wouldn't be able to use legs and arms in a way to probably save me or begin catching attention of neighbors or such.
So every once and in a while I would go on forums such as this (I knew some other ones back in the day) hoping that "surely by now there's something sure shot that will work, years have gone by and the world is only more suicidal, things must have advanced" only to discover that not really, there is SN which is pretty much impossible to get for me and also N which is even more so - I mean FUCK why is it that in 2024 people - or we - are having to go through the lengths of procuring advanced gas setups, opt for dubious poisons that take long and induce suffering or hang ourselves risking discovery or failure of setup, MAN I just want there to be a policy of euthanasia or death clinics more available this shit is ridiculous and I am ridiculous for not daring to just hang myself or jump I guess but gah… can't catch a break (or bus) it seems, all I can hope for is more lenient policies on assisted suicide at some point otherwise I'll just wait for death in misery seeing how life is great and the days are beautiful but for me they just go by. Fuck.
Sorry for pathetic rant. Wish for the betterment of all of you and me as well so we wouldn't have to feel trapped OR the aforementioned leniency on assisted suicide already, maladapted and failing and sick pets get put down why shouldn't we?
Over and out and sorry again if I offend someone with this pitiful rant *rant over*
Since then I have had several bouts of where I'd set my mind on hanging since after all it is the king of suicide and gets the job done but couldn't go through with it, this time because of lack of reliable anchor point and/or privacy as well as the actual scare of going through the last movement of kicking the chair or allowing me to hang - although these later times I haven't had a good anchor point where I wouldn't be able to use legs and arms in a way to probably save me or begin catching attention of neighbors or such.
So every once and in a while I would go on forums such as this (I knew some other ones back in the day) hoping that "surely by now there's something sure shot that will work, years have gone by and the world is only more suicidal, things must have advanced" only to discover that not really, there is SN which is pretty much impossible to get for me and also N which is even more so - I mean FUCK why is it that in 2024 people - or we - are having to go through the lengths of procuring advanced gas setups, opt for dubious poisons that take long and induce suffering or hang ourselves risking discovery or failure of setup, MAN I just want there to be a policy of euthanasia or death clinics more available this shit is ridiculous and I am ridiculous for not daring to just hang myself or jump I guess but gah… can't catch a break (or bus) it seems, all I can hope for is more lenient policies on assisted suicide at some point otherwise I'll just wait for death in misery seeing how life is great and the days are beautiful but for me they just go by. Fuck.
Sorry for pathetic rant. Wish for the betterment of all of you and me as well so we wouldn't have to feel trapped OR the aforementioned leniency on assisted suicide already, maladapted and failing and sick pets get put down why shouldn't we?
Over and out and sorry again if I offend someone with this pitiful rant *rant over*
