Does anyone else feel that their suicide will have to happen eventually no matter what?

[Why Me?]

At this point, I have no choice but to CTB. I cannot take this nightmare of a life any longer, and now it will clearly get worse. I have no income, and I am practically living like an old person stuck in a room on their death bed, so I'm practically already dead. I was already preparing to CTB, and more horrible things and horrible realizations about my circumstances have recently happened. It's time to go. It's like being on the titanic, and having no choice but to jump in the ocean, or being in the twin towers on 9/11, and needing to jump or the fire will destroy you which is worse.

At least this forum, plus antinatalists, and people that are for the right to die have comforted me, and made me not feel alone, and most importantly helped me conquer my fear of death. This one guy on Youtube who CTBed 6 months ago via Nembutal at 25 years old, described life as a losing game where it's best to leave the game as soon as possible to prevent more suffering. He said that if he could destroy all life by pushing a red button he would, because this world/life is so evil. I am now healed as much as possible from the scam of religion, so I can go with at least 80% peace, which is so much better than 10% peace. CBTing feels more like a natural death to me rather than an impulsive emotional death form being tortured inside. I hope it will continue to feel natural when the day comes for me to do it, because I must do it ASAP.

 

[hdahsa]

A different take on this - a friend of mine and his wife are now in their mid-forties. They are well to do and are generally happy in life. No children which was their conscious decision.

But they told me that once they get to a point (say 15-20 years from now) or at any point in life when they are not able to do things themselves, they will leave this world on their own terms ie they both will ctb. Instead of living in an old age home or hiring care takers, they prefer to exit. So thats another line of thought ending in ctb.

 

[leloyon]

Yes. I feel like my life isn't going anywhere and I will likely never stop suffering. I will certainly do it at some point. Maybe in a few months, a year, two, three, a decade, two decades, etc. I can't imagine it not happening at some point unless something else kills me first.

 

[Tobacco]

It's like being on the titanic, and having no choice but to jump in the ocean, or being in the twin towers on 9/11, and needing to jump or the fire will destroy you which is worse.

A different take on this - a friend of mine and his wife are now in their mid-forties. They are well to do and are generally happy in life. No children which was their conscious decision.

But they told me that once they get to a point (say 15-20 years from now) or at any point in life when they are not able to do things themselves, they will leave this world on their own terms ie they both will ctb. Instead of living in an old age home or hiring care takers, they prefer to exit. So thats another line of thought ending in ctb.

This is why sometimes I feel inadequate in this forum. I'm not extremely suicidal right now. But I know that if there's no one to take care of me once I'm old, I will have to say goodbye. I just wish I could have the time to say my last words to someone. But I just think, if one day I start to choke on some food and I'm all alone I just wish to have a gun nearby and just pull the trigger...

 

[enough of this]

Yeah. Like I've come so far from where I've been. 10 years of therapy. My day to day life has improved somewhat but hope for the future is bleak as fuck.
What's the point if I can't function like a human being. I don't want to suffer. I've learnt what I can for this life. Bring on the next one

I'm feeling very much the same way.

 

[HAKMKS]

Recently I've been visiting a psychologist, some last attempt at bettering my life. Yet despite this rather unpleasant help I'm receiving, despite the strange yearning I have for wanting to rid myself of these feelings and urges. I just genuinely believe that I have to end to my own life, I know things won't work out in the future, I know all these good things I currently have, my friends, my lover, they will all be taken from me with time, and I would rather die than live with that. Even if I were to "recover", I just know that I will have to do it, it's inevitable and it will happen, one day or another. I'm not sure why I feel this way, it comes to mind every single day, time is running out.

Yes, I do

 

[sorrowful]

Yes, I am 100% sure of it. There is nothing that can sway my decision. I have accepted death as true peace and the ultimate escape. I could never experience such levels of comfort anywhere else in this world than I will during my final moments.

 

[grateful409]

Yes. I feel like we all have been trying to escape this truth that we know deep down.

Some make it out. Some find a way. Others, resign to their fate. Sometimes, it finds its way to you anyway .

We all just want peace at the end of the day

 

[voc_89]

i know i am just one bad day away from it. Trying not too as I know it will deeply hurt my siblings. But one bad day and its all over

 

[yyytry]

I can't see myself dying any other way, except ctb.

 

[Readytogo246]

Yep! It's on my mind a lot of the time

 

[enough of this]

Yes. I feel like my life isn't going anywhere and I will likely never stop suffering. I will certainly do it at some point. Maybe in a few months, a year, two, three, a decade, two decades, etc. I can't imagine it not happening at some point unless something else kills me first.

Exactly the way I feel about it. But I know it will happen sooner than later. It's so hard for me to live in this world.

 

[eashanm]

Very soon

 

[esthe]

Recently I've been visiting a psychologist, some last attempt at bettering my life. Yet despite this rather unpleasant help I'm receiving, despite the strange yearning I have for wanting to rid myself of these feelings and urges. I just genuinely believe that I have to end to my own life, I know things won't work out in the future, I know all these good things I currently have, my friends, my lover, they will all be taken from me with time, and I would rather die than live with that. Even if I were to "recover", I just know that I will have to do it, it's inevitable and it will happen, one day or another. I'm not sure why I feel this way, it comes to mind every single day, time is running out.

I've been feeling the same for a long time, it's just something I can't shake off. I don't see any alternatives, yet time will tell. It's tough, I wish you the best no matter that <3

 

[emptyshell]

In some ways it feels inevitable when you expend so much energy to get out of the hole, only to fall back in a few day/weeks/months later.

Medical condition might give me a guilt-free early release but its no guarantee.

Want my parents to enjoy their retirement years and this would crush them.

So until then, I guess I'll wait.

 

[pyroxenic]

My family and doctors have asked me before to promise them that i wont end my life in future. I always tell them straight up i cant promise anything. But regardless they all live in false hope thinking im somehow "free" of these thoughts or whatever. Doesnt matter if i choose to CTB tomorrow, next year, in 5 years or 10 years. All i know for sure is ill end my life on my own terms.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

Yes. So why not now?

 

[shantyizlit]

I mean the only thing that's stopping me is me, and I'm not going to stop myself.. so.

 

[Misfit72]

Yes. When I go, not if but when, people will think I went too soon, but I will think I didn't go soon enough. My mother died 44 years ago today, I'm 50 now, it left a huge, huge void, despite the belief people had back then that young children could be tricked out of grief. People go on about suicide having consequences and a ripple effect, but I have to ask: what death doesn't, especially an untimely one, even one of natural causes?

I feel like the living dead, I feel so drained I couldn't walk to the railway track to jump in front of a train, not that I'd want to go that way, it has a devastating effect on train drivers. I've looked at chloroquine, but finding the sleeping pills and antiemetics to go with it without a prescription is hard.

My two nieces are the only reason I keep going, because of the knock-on effect my death will have on them, even if their father, my younger brother, shields them from the worst of it.

 

[アホペンギン]

Yeah, i see no other choice for myself, I completely squandered my life, all the chances that i ever had were gone because i was too sensitive to my father's abuse. He still affected my mentality a lot and i assume he would even ruin any mentally healthy person's mental health too. He expected so much from me yet he didn't appreciate the slightest effort i made to fulfill his expectations. After a few years of this, i quit trying to do better, didn't even try fixing myself anymore. Now i see absolutely no future for myself, my only logical intention now is ctb. I don't know what else i will do. I'm sure my days are numbered now, i'm attempting to jump of the balcony almost every day now and i think about suicide 70-80% of the time i'm awake. My death from my own hand is inevitable. I'd rather live but i don't have any other choice at this point…

 

[cheese.out]

Yea that feeling is always with me. Even in better times I know that this is uninevitable. It also gives me a feeling of peace to know that there is always a way out.

 

[GM28]

Yes absolutely. As time goes by much more so. Only so much you can take, things cannot be reversed and inevitable way to finish the pain.