Venting Does anyone else feel pissed off by wanting to write notes?

[happy2die]

I used to be so sentimental when writing my past notes but now, when im writing to my friends and family I just want to slap the reasons and not write anything compassionate. I dont care!! These people contributed a lot to the point that Im at right now! especially my parents and my roommate. But the problem is that I basically have to write a note to them if I wasnt to write a note to my close friends for closure. also, WHAT THE FUCK DO I EVEN SAY I dont want ts to sound like a pity party like my past notes. I am NOT sorry, i COULD have been fixed, i HATE everyone.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm definitely not looking forward to preparing for my suicide. It's going to be a bunch of stuff I most hate about life- tax returns, paperwork, tidying, cleaning, organising- all crammed into a short space of time.

But yeah- I'm sure getting notes prepared will be irritating. I've drafted notes before. I never know whether to just keep it short or go on some long vent about everything. I even started delving into my feelings on the right to suicide and anti-natilism- to try to preempt and counteract any claims that it's selfish in one version. Not sure I'll do that. I suppose I feel the need to defend and justify it generally though. Not that it will make a difference but, I hate how society views suicide.

I first experienced ideation when I was 10. Mostly due to the bullying from one person. In my imagined notes back then, I intended to blame them. Now, I'm not sure really that I'd be that explicit. Simply stating I'd had ideation from childhood or, specifically the age of 10 ought to be enough for them to work out why. I'm more likely to leave it as loose as that now.

I can understand people wanting to let loose though. Presumably, they'd largely been ignored up to that point. And, if people have been so cruel to them, don't they deserve to be exposed?

 

[Vlad Tepes]

I used to be like this. Was very sentimental about writing a note, and wrote a very long one. It was basically my whole life story and a raging condemnation of my parents and all the abuse Ive suffered at their hands. Now I couldnt care less, though. People have never listened to me when Ive spoken out before, so why the fuck would they listen now?

 

[eggsausagerice]

I dont care!! These people contributed a lot to the point that Im at right now! especially my parents and my roommate. But the problem is that I basically have to write a note to them if I wasnt to write a note to my close friends for closure. also, WHAT THE FUCK DO I EVEN SAY I dont want ts to sound like a pity party like my past notes. I am NOT sorry, i COULD have been fixed, i HATE everyone.

this is extremely relatable. i have a suicide note draft in my gmail that's long because i wrote it when i was still close with my friend. now i'm not close with him anymore and i kind of just want to write "hey, i killed myself. my parents made me depressed, i had no money to move out, and i think my life is really boring. there's nothing you could've done" so that he isn't bogged down by a long suicide note that makes him feel depressed when he reads it. i think that it might be better if i write a shorter and more direct one for clarity's sake. my family won't get a suicide note because i think that they don't need one. my sister already knows that my isolation makes me depressed. sometimes i feel like no one in my life really cares about me enough to want a note from me.

 

[woodlandcreature]

never written a note, so it's interesting to see others' perspectives on this.
i may write something on here, but in terms of tangible notes? i can't think of a single thing i'd say to anyone i know in person. i don't have the energy anyway. i guess i can relate in the sense that if i did write a note to family (don't have friends irl), i'd probably have nothing nice to say.

 

[SpencerSees]

I agree with you so hard. Reading past notes makes me want to vomit. Why was I writing about my death with all this flowery language, I was 12 !!! "Don't blame yourself" my ass. I hope everyone in our lives blames themselves at least a little, because let's be honest, they probably contributed to it one way or another. I hate sounding like some angry teenager but I was so comforting all my teen years and no one saved me. I believe there was hope for all of us, there probably still is, but people make already depressed folks lose all sense of that hope. Even if they swear up and down how important you are, they still don't really listen to what you have to say. I swear people only care about other's feelings through the lense which it affects them.