Venting Does Anyone Else Feel Like This? I Cannot Believe People Care...

[AngelTear]

So this is a problem that I've been experiencing for ever and the feeling only grows. I will try to explain the feeling as best as I can. Basically I feel like no one actually cares no matter what they say or do, I feel like it's all lies and pleasantries. I do not think people are necessarily out to get me but my mind cannot wrap around people genuinely caring about me, being affectionate towards me and things like that. It's basically like a void feeling. Logically I know my friends do care about me, the few friends I have but yet I still cannot seem to fathom it. Strangers for me, their words don't mean much, I mean words in general don't mean anything but actions do...I dunno it's very strange.

I don't think I can feel affection/care from people no matter how kind they are. I can only logically come to the assumption that this person cares but I cannot feel the feeling back. I love yous feel foreign to me but I'll say them back once in a while since I know people like hearing it. Also I think I flip flop between caring about people and not caring (apathy). I mean I do care about the friends I made and I don't want to intentionally hurt them but also...I don't care either? It's a very hot and cold feeling when I think about me caring for others. Either I'm warm and lively or cold and dead, it's like I'm also losing the ability to care? Am I losing the ability to care? I don't think so...I think I'm just...I genuinely don't know what's wrong with me.

And like, my friends have done good things for me that I wish to repay one day but it doesn't feel like I'm doing it out of being caring but to remain equal and keep a good relationship since I don't see the reason to make enemies on purpose plus I don't want to hurt them either. I also want to mend one relationship too since I did something bad myself and I still desire to make more friends and build a community up despite feeling distrust, cynicism, and generally misanthropic about other people (I don't see the good in people first, I see what they give me and I wait until they unravel themselves so most of the time I look at other people neutrally.) I'm not sure what you would call this. I do not think I'm a psychopath or sociopath, I'm too sensitive.

I guess I really just want to know if anyone relates to this or if there's any armchair psychologists out there that could give me information on what this feeling is...and I hope I explained this feeling well enough too.

 

[CaptainSunshine!]

I do feel that also. Even on this forum, when people are much more likely to be empathetic. But I look at it like this: just because I can't feel it, doesn't mean it can't be true. I can't really know their thoughts, but I can use logic and prediction. So, I give everyone here the benefit of the doubt, while in real life I just take kindness with a grain of salt. Personally, I'm not really empathetic, but I suppose sympathetic? Like cold empathy.