Venting Does anyone else feel like they're destined for failure?

[tapetum_lucidum]

I never had a chance. I was emotionally abused growing up, as well as minor physical and sexual abuse. My dad tried to kill me and himself once. I've never had a genuine romantic partner. I've gotten fired twice this year. I feel apathetic towards everything. I barely have an appetite or the ability to take care of myself. I'll never pass as a man. I'm an alcoholic. Nothing in my life ever works out in my favor. I've been depressed since third grade. The only ever time when it ever felt okay for me to exist is when I did shrooms and experienced ego death, and everything completely stopped existing. I thought I had died. The only time it felt okay for me to exist is when I didn't. There's nothing in this world for me.
Life just feels stacked against me. Anyone else?

 

[unluckysadness]

Oh yes... I've had so much trouble in my shitty life that I'm even careful when I go up the stairs so as not to fall because I feel like my karma is catastrophic and that the whole universe is against me.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

I never had a chance. I was emotionally abused growing up, as well as minor physical and sexual abuse. My dad tried to kill me and himself once. I've never had a genuine romantic partner. I've gotten fired twice this year. I feel apathetic towards everything. I barely have an appetite or the ability to take care of myself. I'll never pass as a man. I'm an alcoholic. Nothing in my life ever works out in my favor. I've been depressed since third grade. The only ever time when it ever felt okay for me to exist is when I did shrooms and experienced ego death, and everything completely stopped existing. I thought I had died. The only time it felt okay for me to exist is when I didn't. There's nothing in this world for me.
Life just feels stacked against me. Anyone else?

This hits so close to home with me. My ship was doomed to sink as well. To start, I was born to two mentally and economically unstable people. Father abandoned me. Mother resented and abused me. The deck was stacked against me from go. If there's a god, fuck him/her/it. It doomed my existence from go. Yet, somehow, I managed to escape my toxic past and create a pretty cool adult life for myself. My death is more to save what's left of myself that's worth saving. Not to destroy myself.

But I can identify with a lot of what you're saying.

 

[wtg]

I already am a failure. I dont think it will change anytime soon.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry for your situation. It sounds like you've had so much stacked against you. I didn't suffer quite so badly but, my childhood wasn't exactly easy either. I suppose it was maybe more luck than judgement that made me focus on ultimately more productive coping mechanisms. I became obsessed with art.

I haven't succeeded big time but, I've reached a level I originally thought I would be happy with. So- it's more that for me. Feeling like even the best case scenario- even if I were to achieve it, may not necessarily make me happy. That's a pretty disappointing realisation because, there's not really so much to strive for now. Just a desperate scramble to maintain what I have.

Same goes for relationships. I went through what was probably a femcel stage. Feeling like I would never attract a guy. Desperately wanting someone in my life. To now, just being content with being single. Looking at other couples and thinking- hell no! That's not for me. I'm actually pretty glad to be free of that yearning. But again, it makes my being here rather aimless. What am I staying for if there's nothing I even want? (I'm staying so as not to upset my Dad ultimately.)

Not to say it's worse than feeling like we won't succeed but, it's not a great feeling either to feel like even success wouldn't make life worth it. I'm sorry the future looks so bleak for you.

 

[livefastdieyoung]

Failed at being a good daughter. Failed at being a good sister. Failed at having a loving family. Failed at connecting with people. Failed at being a good romantic partner. Failed at being lovable. Failed at being a functioning member of society. Failed at having a will to live.

I genuinely think I was just born as some kind of sick joke from the universe. I hate my life.