Venting Does anyone else feel like they're caught in a loop?

[Eudaimonic]

I feel like I'm caught in a loop and the only way to end it is to kill myself. But I can't even do that, so I'm hopelessly trapped. It has been going on for years now. I'm so exhausted and ready for it to end. I feel like I'm rotting away in my personal hell, trapped in an existence I don't want, in unbearable pain. I don't know what to do.

 

[NeverGonnaEscape]

I don't know about a loop but I sure as fuck feel trapped. Every day just a little worse than the last. It's funny you mentioned a personal hell, sometimes I wonder if I did die at some point and this is just what the afterlife is, a life that just decays little by little prolonging your agony until there's nothing left and then eventually you're gone.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

Would you like to describe what you're looping around?

 

[Eudaimonic]

Would you like to describe what you're looping around?

I'm not able to do anything. I feel constantly miserable, but I can't do anything to even attempt to improve my situation because I have so little energy and motivation. I think the same thoughts day in and day out. I obsess over the same things. I suffer for the same reasons. I feel apathetic.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

I'm not able to do anything. I feel constantly miserable, but I can't do anything to even attempt to improve my situation because I have so little energy and motivation. I think the same thoughts day in and day out. I obsess over the same things. I suffer for the same reasons. I feel apathetic.

I understand. I often feel the same way. I use a lot of escapism to cope, for better or worse

 

[Eudaimonic]

I understand. I often feel the same way. I use a lot of escapism to cope, for better or worse

Yeah. My life amounts to frequent escapism and avoidance mixed with depressive-obsessive rumination. I'm so done with it.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

Yeah. My life amounts to frequent escapism and avoidance mixed with depressive-obsessive rumination. I'm so done with it.

Well, it hasn't made me love life but there is reason to hope that if you consciously direct your mind away from ruminating, you can find a little relief from that as time goes on

 

[uncat_]

i

I feel like I'm caught in a loop and the only way to end it is to kill myself. But I can't even do that, so I'm hopelessly trapped. It has been going on for years now. I'm so exhausted and ready for it to end. I feel like I'm rotting away in my personal hell, trapped in an existence I don't want, in unbearable pain. I don't know what to do.

relate to this a lot. im constantly going through the same cycle of "i love life" to "i need to die" to "maybe i'll be okay" over and over again, and no matter how hard i try to stay in one of these phases, it never works. im sick of being suicidal on and off, lmao.

 

[Eudaimonic]

Well, it hasn't made me love life but there is reason to hope that if you consciously direct your mind away from ruminating, you can find a little relief from that as time goes on

Yeah, maybe. It (the rumination) is not always as bad as it is now, so there's that, at least.
But regardless of that, my life is still nightmarish.

i

relate to this a lot. im constantly going through the same cycle of "i love life" to "i need to die" to "maybe i'll be okay" over and over again, and no matter how hard i try to stay in one of these phases, it never works. im sick of being suicidal on and off, lmao.

My suicidality used to fluctuate more, but now that I'm hopeless, it's essentially constant, albeit sometimes it's more passive than active.
I do sometimes manage to convince myself that I could make my life livable, maybe, but it never lasts because in the end I realize that I'm just coping.

 

[returntothevoid]

Yeah I've recently been going on these little stints where I'm suddenly full of hope that I can make my life worth something or that maybe I can do this or maybe I can do that but I always end up back here. It's never a stable feeling, always fleeting and I'm already so behind in every single marker of life I just know I'm not gonna ever catch up or make up for the really horrendous, and I mean irreversible mistakes I've made. Every day I get older and my options get slimmer. So I keep coping and shit with stupid stuff and I go through this same cycle over and over and over again and I know it would be best if I just put myself out of my own misery. I'm so tired. I've been over sleeping lately I think I subconsciously have been hoping that I'll just fall asleep and not wake up. But I always wake up.

 

[Eudaimonic]

Yeah I've recently been going on these little stints where I'm suddenly full of hope that I can make my life worth something or that maybe I can do this or maybe I can do that but I always end up back here. It's never a stable feeling, always fleeting and I'm already so behind in every single marker of life I just know I'm not gonna ever catch up or make up for the really horrendous, and I mean irreversible mistakes I've made. Every day I get older and my options get slimmer. So I keep coping and shit with stupid stuff and I go through this same cycle over and over and over again and I know it would be best if I just put myself out of my own misery. I'm so tired. I've been over sleeping lately I think I subconsciously have been hoping that I'll just fall asleep and not wake up. But I always wake up.

Wow, that's relatable.
I don't even want to *try* (it will probably fail in the end, anyway) to recover tbh, but I feel like I have to for my family's sake.
But I wish I could accept that it's over and permit myself to stop trying without feeling like I have to justify my decision because I'm so, so tired and I just want eternal rest lol.

 

[iloverachel]

I can relate. Every day is constant suffering, nothing works, sleep and wake up and suffer again. Its hell
I hope you escape the loops somehow and feel better

 

[AkaRed]

i

relate to this a lot. im constantly going through the same cycle of "i love life" to "i need to die" to "maybe i'll be okay" over and over again, and no matter how hard i try to stay in one of these phases, it never works. im sick of being suicidal on and off, lmao.

THIS THIS THIS THIS dude this is me oh my god literally a couple of days ago I considered myself in attempted recovery and now im suicidal again fml

<3

 

[Eudaimonic]

I can relate. Every day is constant suffering, nothing works, sleep and wake up and suffer again. Its hell
I hope you escape the loops somehow and feel better

Thank you, you too

 

[ilovemydog]

I feel like I'm caught in a loop and the only way to end it is to kill myself. But I can't even do that, so I'm hopelessly trapped. It has been going on for years now. I'm so exhausted and ready for it to end. I feel like I'm rotting away in my personal hell, trapped in an existence I don't want, in unbearable pain. I don't know what to do.