Does anyone else feel like they’re burdening their partner by being honest about your feelings about ctb

[neutralmilk]

I explained to my bf that I used this site to talk to other ppl who want to ctb and I told him that I have a fool proof method as a backup plan. I just wanted to be honest but I told him I would still try to follow his advice for my situation so I could get through. He hasn't replied and now I feel bad but I just wanted to explain that ctb can be a logical decision and that it's not helpful to just be told not to do it. I just hate that the convo surrounding ctb are so stigmatized. But now I'm scared that he will think I'm too much and I'll lose him too. I know he is also going through stuff so I feel bad. Ppl always say they don't have the capacity to help so I hope that's not the case for him. It's such a weird situation to be suicidal while having a partner that u love so much. With terms like trauma dumping being so common I feel so much shame about being honest. But I thought I should be honest to my partner. Idk if I made a mistake. Has anyone else been in this situation.

 

[wishingiwasok]

I have. Being honest usually results in actively being shamed, so idk that I felt guilty as much as criticized or rejected. I've had much more instances of people telling me I'm wrong, shouldn't feel that way, or they are angry with me for saying anything than I've had them say they couldn't handle it. And people I care about usually tell me they're leaving because I'm not whatever thing they want at the moment or because I want it to be an equal relationship and they don't want to give me that. But it sounds like your boyfriend cares and might be overwhelmed. I think honesty is better than lying but maybe in this phase if nothing directly comes up about it maybe just letting it remain unspoken for a few weeks. Maybe he's saying its not a solution for you to ctb because he doesn't want to lose you and he isn't able to step past that long enough to see that it makes sense to want to die if living is unbearable.

 

[kagebunshin]

I have never and would never tell anyone, especially my loved ones, about my plans to ctb. Unless you have no quality of life due to illness or disease, no healthy person will ever understand your perspective. Telling them is only ever a burden on both them and you. Nothing good will come of it other than them taking steps to try and stop you, and it's up to you whether you think that's a good thing or not.

 

[neutralmilk]

I have never and would never tell anyone, especially my loved ones, about my plans to ctb. Unless you have no quality of life due to illness or disease, no healthy person will ever understand your perspective. Telling them is only ever a burden on both them and you. Nothing good will come of it other than them taking steps to try and stop you, and it's up to you whether you think that's a good thing or not.

Fuck I guess I fucked up by telling him. I told him it's a back up plan and I'm going to try and follow his advice about how to go through my current situation. I feel like a dick now :( I just honestly am very desensitized to ctb

I have. Being honest usually results in actively being shamed, so idk that I felt guilty as much as criticized or rejected. I've had much more instances of people telling me I'm wrong, shouldn't feel that way, or they are angry with me for saying anything than I've had them say they couldn't handle it. And people I care about usually tell me they're leaving because I'm not whatever thing they want at the moment or because I want it to be an equal relationship and they don't want to give me that. But it sounds like your boyfriend cares and might be overwhelmed. I think honesty is better than lying but maybe in this phase if nothing directly comes up about it maybe just letting it remain unspoken for a few weeks. Maybe he's saying its not a solution for you to ctb because he doesn't want to lose you and he isn't able to step past that long enough to see that it makes sense to want to die if living is unbearable.

Fuck I guess I fucked up by telling him. I told him it's a back up plan and I'm going to try and follow his advice about how to go through my current situation. I feel like a dick now :( I just honestly am very desensitized to ctb

Am I an asshole and did I fuck up. Will this make him leave me or feel like he can't leave me cause that might make me more likely to do it? Ugh I just wanted to be honest

 

[PI3.14]

I'll give you my honest opinion.

My family knows I'm suicidal. However, they're perhaps under the impression that I won't act on it.

Now, what do we exactly seek by telling our loved ones about our desire to CTB? Do we expect them to say "yah, sure, go for it!"?

I feel like you're not sure about what direction you want to go with. You fear that your bf might leave you but at the same time you plan to CTB. If you die, then you leave your bf behind too. Fear of abandonment while also planning to leave this world doesn't make sense to me.

I personally made it clear to my family that I'm suicidal cus I don't want them to be surprised, and they know very well why I want to end my life.

If your bf is loving, even if he is different that normal people, I doubt he will be comfortable hearing his beloved gf is planning suicide. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable even though I believe that suicide can be logical.

I avoid talking about this topic with my family anymore. It's indeed like you said, it only burden others. It's a different story to talk about it here since we all, relatively speaking, are on the same boat.

If the purpose of saying this to your bf is venting, then I recommend a therapist. A therapist won't solve your financial problems, but it will provide you a safe place to vent and "maybe" be able to tackle some of the trauma you have if any.

No matter how much people love us, talking about suicide with them will 100% affect their mood negatively.

Although my family knows I'm suicidal, they don't know that I've a plan. I'll never tell them that.

Also, if you think about it, there is really nothing to gain from telling our loved ones such things. My family can't solve my issues, and perhaps your bf can't solve your issues either, so what exactly do we achieve by telling them? We basically burden them and achieve literally nothing positive in return.

Mot people will just tell you to seek professional help, not that it will solve your problems, but rather cus people don't know how to solve your problems either.

I was thinking about this topic actually when I saw your post and so my reply is kinda aimed at myself more than you .

 

[Pale_Rider]

Normies absolutely do not like talking about death. Not in an immediate context anyway.

 

[Aiyuxiao]

Im married and im in that situation.

My husband doesn't always understand my reasons to CTB are chronic illnesses and chronic pain 24/7. He tells me he does, but I know he doesn't. He knows and is aware that I'm heavily suicidal because of the pain I'm in everyday.

I'm very honest with him and it can honestly be a lot because he is "normal", happy with himself, and not suicidal. It mentally and emotionally drains him. And I feel horrible and a bad person that I want to die because he takes care of me and is my caregiver.

He told me recently, "I'm trying my best at everything and it's still not enough for you to want to stay and live."

I just feel like an asshole