Does anyone else feel like they're a prisoner trapped in their own body?

[weirdo]

I stopped feeling like myself a long time ago, if that makes sense. Specifically back in middle school it started to feel like I was only watching my body do things and feel things for me. The only way I can describe it is that my consciousness is a separate entity from my feelings, actions etc. while I as a consciousness observe and judge it from some other place. I honestly hate myself (Of course otherwise I wouldn't be here) because my actions seem so far from my control. All I do is blindly follow the example and direction of others, I can barely speak when required and I don't see any way of improvement. It's not like I don't try either but there's just this disconnect from the rational part of my brain and the rest of it. It's because of this that I can't connect with other people and find friendship, I can honestly say I haven't had a g good friend I could share my struggles and successes with since elementary school. If there's hope for me please share advice planning to ctb sometime soon if there really is none.

 

[Blackroom_57]

Yes I have schizoaffective disorder and every year my cognitive abilities decline despite being on medication. It's going to reach a point where I won't even be able to hold a job. It's terrifying.

 

[epic]

I stopped feeling like myself a long time ago, if that makes sense. Specifically back in middle school it started to feel like I was only watching my body do things and feel things for me. The only way I can describe it is that my consciousness is a separate entity from my feelings, actions etc. while I as a consciousness observe and judge it from some other place. I honestly hate myself (Of course otherwise I wouldn't be here) because my actions seem so far from my control. All I do is blindly follow the example and direction of others, I can barely speak when required and I don't see any way of improvement. It's not like I don't try either but there's just this disconnect from the rational part of my brain and the rest of it. It's because of this that I can't connect with other people and find friendship, I can honestly say I haven't had a g good friend I could share my struggles and successes with since elementary school. If there's hope for me please share advice planning to ctb sometime soon if there really is none.

What did the psychiatrist say ?

 

[weirdo]

What did the psychiatrist say ?

Honestly they've just prescribed a bunch of medications that only make this feeling worse. They said I was depressed though, I can't remember what exactly what was prescribed because it was so long ago. (about 2 years) If I had to guess it was probably prozac because I do remember it started with a "p".

 

[Unending]

It feels more like life is the prison and my body is the cell that I was given. I wonder sometimes if I would hate life less if I wasn't born in the wrong body. It would definitely be an improvement.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Yes. Born the wrong sex, so by default a prisoner in my own body.

 

[yellowroses]

I stopped feeling like myself a long time ago, if that makes sense. Specifically back in middle school it started to feel like I was only watching my body do things and feel things for me. The only way I can describe it is that my consciousness is a separate entity from my feelings, actions etc. while I as a consciousness observe and judge it from some other place. I honestly hate myself (Of course otherwise I wouldn't be here) because my actions seem so far from my control. All I do is blindly follow the example and direction of others, I can barely speak when required and I don't see any way of improvement. It's not like I don't try either but there's just this disconnect from the rational part of my brain and the rest of it. It's because of this that I can't connect with other people and find friendship, I can honestly say I haven't had a g good friend I could share my struggles and successes with since elementary school. If there's hope for me please share advice planning to ctb sometime soon if there really is none.

I feel this way too, I have schizoaffective disorder and suffer from derealization/depersonalization. It's pretty bad, I've been able to occasionally "tune back in", so to say, but then there's always a crash back into derealization at some point. Hope you're able to find a way to cope

Yes I have schizoaffective disorder and every year my cognitive abilities decline despite being on medication. It's going to reach a point where I won't even be able to hold a job. It's terrifying.

Same, I had to quit my job in March of this year, was trying to get on disability but I'd have to get all sorts of doctors notes and I just lost my health insurance, so no way in hell I can afford it. Honestly knowing it's only going to get worse has been my biggest motivator for CtB. Heard pretty much everyone with schizoaffective say it only gets worse. Shit sucks. Wishing you the best