Venting does anyone else feel like they don't deserve happiness

[emptymiku]

i'm just a horrible person who doesn't deserve to be happy. i wish i could just lock myself in my room and starve to death

 

[itsallpointless]

I used to feel that way, until I realized that I'm not even a "person". We are temporal states of matter flowing through life subject to growth, coming of age, ageing, then death and decay. The forces that created my bad karma(my actions) are also the forces that will create good karma

 

[Zaragoza]

I used to think like this. You gotta ask yourself one very important thing. Did you have any other choices? The thing is, I hated myself (still do but less) because of the mistakes I made. But then again I realized I didn't have any other choices. It's not like I'm an evil piece if shit that wants others to suffer, and I only made mistakes that weren't intentional. Nonetheless, I hate myself but happiness is the only thing that us people crave in life. It has been the same since the beginning of the time. So don't sabotage yourself out of the possible happiness that you might find in the future, even if you were an evil and didn't deserve it, you are still acknowledging it now and that means that you're self aware. That is enough for you to deserve that happiness from now on.

 

[giverupper24]

i'm just a horrible person who doesn't deserve to be happy. i wish i could just lock myself in my room and starve to death

Couldn't have said it better. I've done a lot of wrongdoings and hurt in my past even though I'm considered young. I'm a terrible person who is being eternally punished for life.

 

[goodbye_._]

I don't think I did anything wrong but I hate myself. I hate looking in the mirror. Im so pathetic. How could I be this now? I really don't think I'll ever be happy and honestly i probably don't deserve to be happy. My life has been miserable since the start why give me happiness now? Just doesn't make sense.

 

[Sammie_com.sanrio]

I don't deserve happiness. I don't have friends and I try the only friend I have is online is the small part in my life that isn't so miserable. I don't deserve love since my parents are too busy too ever show me real affection. Even if I ever had affection to some one I'd just get rejected again. I can't stand looking in the mirror. I'm useless and every day is exhausting I try but I'm just useless. Maybe I don't deserve anything at all.

 

[SoftWorries]

I think everyone deserves happiness.

I think of the moments of my life when people were the worst to me and it's all miserable people reaching for anything to give them a moments escape from the misery.

Once as I laid in the hot summer in the one room with a fan my mom was in there mid panic attack. She said she felt like pulling her teeth out for a moments peace (away from the heat and away from the constant panic).

Her being happy could have saved me. If she was happy I was born she would have found me worth protecting. Had she been happy she could have seen my worth as a living being.

I'm happy often and it's kept me alive through it all.

 

[Mortalist]

Feeling this way is completely normal and understandable. I used to think so, too. And still do sometimes...
At least when it comes to deserving something, it is that we do get to be happy. We don't deserve the suffering.
We live in world that treats people like how useful they are, or aren't. It's all a bunch of crap. Sadly, everything is tied to this inhumane way of things.
It's not that we don't deserve it, but that the concept of society doesn't grant everyone the same chance and let's us fall under the radar.

 

[BringMeToLife]

I do, but at the same time I want to feel happiness because I'm tired of negative emotions and negative thinking

 

[StarlightDreamer]

I don't understand it. I've decided I don't want to die just yet. But I've done terrible things, and they weigh heavily upon my heart. Whenever someone shows me a modicum of genuine kindness, I walk away feeling I deserve to be killed. I wish I could lock myself in an empty room, and curl up into a ball.

I used to think like this. You gotta ask yourself one very important thing. Did you have any other choices? The thing is, I hated myself (still do but less) because of the mistakes I made. But then again I realized I didn't have any other choices. It's not like I'm an evil piece if shit that wants others to suffer, and I only made mistakes that weren't intentional. Nonetheless, I hate myself but happiness is the only thing that us people crave in life. It has been the same since the beginning of the time. So don't sabotage yourself out of the possible happiness that you might find in the future, even if you were an evil and didn't deserve it, you are still acknowledging it now and that means that you're self aware. That is enough for you to deserve that happiness from now on.

That said, this seems like sound advice. I'll take it to heart, and do my best going forward.

 

[ringo99]

In my darkest moments where I just cease functioning for several minutes at a time and my mind is bombarded with the worst memories of my life. Honestly if you or anyone else put a bullet in my head right now you'd be doing me a huge favour

 

[gotomrg]

it's not like i dont deserve happiness, im just not built for it. no matter what i do, how much i change, how i look, where i live, how much i try, how self-aware i am, what's my relationship status, how old i am. i just can't be happy. at all.

 

[Meatshell]

I don't feel like that, but I've decided a long time ago that I'm no longer chasing happiness, wealth, success or anything like that. So it's more by choice. I do, however, feel sometimes like I don't deserve certain stuff that I think other people deserve more but don't get. And I do get bitter if people get good stuff when they DON'T deserve it (if they were just lucky, or they didn't work hard for it, or they got it based on criteria that don't really matter, etc.). Life is so unbalanced.

 

[iori]

absolutelyy, whenever i feel happy its just instant guilt after

 

[wastingpotential]

i liked to believe i did before, but anytime i got to feel happy it was stripped away from me faster than wind blows. it's like anytime i let myself be happy, everything else tells me not to be. so i don't believe i do anymore.

 

[fatraccoon]

ive felt that my whole life. i don't deserve anything, i push everyone away so why people are nice to me? im just a shitty person who has no value. Im a bad person and i'll always be. everything i feel happy i know it wont last, and my mood gets shitty for the rest of the day. maybe that's why when im sick i dont take any medication...

 

[kitch]

Some one I have known for a long time recently said that I was "cruel to myself" .

It was not really defined ... but it is something I think about a lot.
I hadn't really thought much about how much energy I may be putting in to self sabotaging.
Like I am doing the heavy lifting for the bullying thugs in society.

Also I have wondered about a kind of self denying "toxic empathy" where I may deny myself joy because it isn't fair or just ... philosophically it is fraught to experience happiness in this world I guess ... horror show that it is.

But on a 'creaturely' level , day to day , moment to moment , we quench our thirst and eat when hungry ...
We instinctively bridge survival ... but find it complex to reach out for thrival.
It's that damn pre-frontal cortex again.