calebzz1
What is it like to see single and clearly?
- Jan 6, 2024
- 216
Hey all, I hope everyone is doing well.
I wanted to open up a bit more about how I am currently feeling regarding my visual impairment and life in general.
Overall, the disability process is moving along smoothly.
I'm currently on the hearing stage for both SSDI and SSI but will most likely get the latter due to not having enough work credits for the former.
I have completed paperwork that was recently sent and now it's a waiting game.
Unfortunately, for my visual impairment a real improvement or cure has been unattainable.
I actually went into detail about it in my previous post and didn't want to rehash the same information.
Curently, I'm waiting on getting an EEG test done on June 3rd which could be earlier if I get a spot sooner.
I met with a neuropsychiatrist, he seemed chill but didn't really let myself talk about how I was feeling.
What's wild is that the neuropsychiatrist stated that under his care in eleven years there's only been four other people who had a similar case to mine.
I trusted him to improve my symptoms but as my mom explained I can't properly see to engage in the video part of the sessions he was talking about.
I'm curious on what the EEG will say and plan to follow up.
On the other hand, I have an appointment with another neuropsychiatrist who utilizes medication as an adjunct on June 15th.
Since convergence spasm could be functional and psychogenic in nature I want to experience with neurological medication to see if it helps reduce my symptoms.
A lot of the time I feel like I'm living in a post-apocalyptic world as I'm always hyper-vigilant waiting for something to occur due to being barely functional and having poor sight.
I'm tired of being barely functional day after day, my mom doesn't get how difficult being a visually impaired man is and always gets upset when I'm honest about how I feel.
It's a big component of why I want to live alone and not deal with anyone, they simply don't get it.
My mom is severely mentally ill and often doesn't take her medication which leads her to be perpetually unhappy and annoying to deal with.
I feel horrible too because I'm either like a soldier, focused on my mission and I have to age regress with my mom since I know she can't handle the situation.
I'm hoping the neuropsychiatrist I'm seeing for the medication soon will be able to pinpoint why I'm so pragmatic, practical and unable to relax.
I would do anything immoral to go back to my old life and the way I used to be able to see, it makes life so much harder across the board and I'm tired of people wanting myself to always appear happy and cheeful for a horrible problem.
That's a saddening realization but how I honestly feel, connecting to that "living in a post-apocalyptic world" mood.
I've caught myself saying "Let me think, let me think" in public and at home since I feel very scattered.
Unfortunately, my speech has suffered as well too and sometimes I stutter as a result.
I have to walk carefully too.
[SPOILERS FOR LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE]
It's like Jenny on this show after she gets heavily impacted after almost drowning, her speech and gait are greatly affected temporarily.
Does anyone have any experience with physical or mental illnesses bringing you to that "notch below" point?
That's my phrase for being a "notch below" survival mode.
Overall, I'm trying my best to keep my head down and trying to enjoy my new hobbies while I will hopefully get some improvement.
I keep thinking about the audiobook I listened to a while back.
[SPOILERS FOR AMERICA FALLS BOOK THREE: COLD COMFORT]
The protagonist, Isaac, makes it to a U.S. Department of Defense base and feels like a kid momentarily again, taking a break from having to survive in a bleak world.
I find this relatable because there hasn't been a day in a long time where I could wake up and truly relax without constantly thinking about how to improve my overall function, it's a horrible feeling and I wish it on no one.
Thanks for reading!
I wanted to open up a bit more about how I am currently feeling regarding my visual impairment and life in general.
Overall, the disability process is moving along smoothly.
I'm currently on the hearing stage for both SSDI and SSI but will most likely get the latter due to not having enough work credits for the former.
I have completed paperwork that was recently sent and now it's a waiting game.
Unfortunately, for my visual impairment a real improvement or cure has been unattainable.
I actually went into detail about it in my previous post and didn't want to rehash the same information.
Curently, I'm waiting on getting an EEG test done on June 3rd which could be earlier if I get a spot sooner.
I met with a neuropsychiatrist, he seemed chill but didn't really let myself talk about how I was feeling.
What's wild is that the neuropsychiatrist stated that under his care in eleven years there's only been four other people who had a similar case to mine.
I trusted him to improve my symptoms but as my mom explained I can't properly see to engage in the video part of the sessions he was talking about.
I'm curious on what the EEG will say and plan to follow up.
On the other hand, I have an appointment with another neuropsychiatrist who utilizes medication as an adjunct on June 15th.
Since convergence spasm could be functional and psychogenic in nature I want to experience with neurological medication to see if it helps reduce my symptoms.
A lot of the time I feel like I'm living in a post-apocalyptic world as I'm always hyper-vigilant waiting for something to occur due to being barely functional and having poor sight.
I'm tired of being barely functional day after day, my mom doesn't get how difficult being a visually impaired man is and always gets upset when I'm honest about how I feel.
It's a big component of why I want to live alone and not deal with anyone, they simply don't get it.
My mom is severely mentally ill and often doesn't take her medication which leads her to be perpetually unhappy and annoying to deal with.
I feel horrible too because I'm either like a soldier, focused on my mission and I have to age regress with my mom since I know she can't handle the situation.
I'm hoping the neuropsychiatrist I'm seeing for the medication soon will be able to pinpoint why I'm so pragmatic, practical and unable to relax.
I would do anything immoral to go back to my old life and the way I used to be able to see, it makes life so much harder across the board and I'm tired of people wanting myself to always appear happy and cheeful for a horrible problem.
That's a saddening realization but how I honestly feel, connecting to that "living in a post-apocalyptic world" mood.
I've caught myself saying "Let me think, let me think" in public and at home since I feel very scattered.
Unfortunately, my speech has suffered as well too and sometimes I stutter as a result.
I have to walk carefully too.
[SPOILERS FOR LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE]
It's like Jenny on this show after she gets heavily impacted after almost drowning, her speech and gait are greatly affected temporarily.
Does anyone have any experience with physical or mental illnesses bringing you to that "notch below" point?
That's my phrase for being a "notch below" survival mode.
Overall, I'm trying my best to keep my head down and trying to enjoy my new hobbies while I will hopefully get some improvement.
I keep thinking about the audiobook I listened to a while back.
[SPOILERS FOR AMERICA FALLS BOOK THREE: COLD COMFORT]
The protagonist, Isaac, makes it to a U.S. Department of Defense base and feels like a kid momentarily again, taking a break from having to survive in a bleak world.
I find this relatable because there hasn't been a day in a long time where I could wake up and truly relax without constantly thinking about how to improve my overall function, it's a horrible feeling and I wish it on no one.
Thanks for reading!
