Does anyone else feel guilty for seeming okay? Like your pain suddenly doesn’t count anymore if you’re not visibly suffering?

[kenz00s]

I live away from my mom, so most of our relationship happens over the phone. And when I was doing really bad when I didn't go to pass my exams, ruined my year, and was dealing with suicidal thoughts I wanted to talk to her more than anything. But at the same time, I felt this overwhelming urge to pull away. I started cutting our calls short, not replying to her messages, avoiding anything that might feel like "normal." Because deep down, I was terrified that if I talked to her like usual, if I laughed or acted okay, she'd think I had been exaggerating. That maybe I'd just made it all up, or that I was just being dramatic. And that fear ate away at me, because I needed her, but I also needed her to believe me. That what I went through was real. And even now, as I start to feel a little better, I still carry that panic that being okay will somehow erase everything that wasn't. I just want to laugh, to talk, to exist without needing to justify my pain without needing to constantly prove that it was real. But the moment I seem okay, I start feeling like people will think I was exaggerating. anyone relates to this ?

 

[flightless bird]

it's usually not a good idea to overperform, especially when it involves your mom. you simply don't need to, and she's probably smarter than you think.

feelings don't require anyone's validation or justification, not even your own. they're true on their own, and that's why you don't need to cling to them. doing so is a waste of time and energy.

 

[bekilledorkill]

unfortunately no matter what you do people will think you are exaggerating. you don't need to justify your pain. If they don't believe, then they won't. It doesn't erase the fact that you are in pain.