Does anyone else feel guilty for being suicidal?

[Beachedwhale]

I have issues going back many years that were not dealt with and got worse, but I still was given so very much in life, I have a great background and always felt bad for being miserable because I have had every opportunity to create a full and happy life that I feel I have squandered. I

On the other hand, that guilt is one reason as to why I didn't do anything about my issues ("I should be grateful, look at all that I have!") which caused them to worsen and produce even more issues that couldve easily been prevented.

Does anyone feel similarly?

 

[darkwater]

I view it that way that free will is only an illusion and the consequences of genetics and environment are unavoidable.

 

[DarkWolf]

Yes I feel very guilty. My life is shit but it could be a lot worse. But so many people have it worse than me. I know it's not a competition of who suffers the most but I feel really weak when I read stories about people who have survived terrible things. And there's me like 'I wanna die' and I can't even get that right :(

I had issues and no one dealt with them when I was a child but I did not deal with them as an adult either. I did try in my own way on my own but it's just so hard. Now it's too late. Problem is all I have ever wanted is to be gone from this planet. Thought I'd be dead by 21 and here I still am.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Sometimes there is guilt. Then I remind myself that those feelings of guilt come from platitudes that are parroted by people, and groups that do not have a suicidal persons interests as a priority - then it does not bother me anymore.

 

[WOODESITY]

I view it that way that free will is only an illusion and the consequences of genetics and environment are unavoidable.

Very much agree, also I think that suffering as whole is unavailable as long as one is alive, to cope and adapt we've eventually evolved in the ways to brainwash each other with many things, life is good, worth fighting, family, relationships etc...

 

[Beachedwhale]

Sometimes there is guilt. Then I remind myself that those feelings of guilt come from platitudes that are parroted by people, and groups that do not have a suicidal persons interests as a priority - then it does not bother me anymore.

Platitudes like "be grateful"?

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Platitudes like "be grateful"?

Yes and the many others that you might hear as well. The platitudes that I dislike the most are the ones that almost attack suicidal people, and try to villainize them.

 

[newave3]

I view it that way that free will is only an illusion and the consequences of genetics and environment are unavoidable.

Absolutely and as you get older this will become much more apparent.

 

[motel rooms]

No, I don't feel guilty for being suicidal. Life has cornered me into this

 

[WornOutLife]

Nah, I think my parents should be the ones who feel guilty.
I love them but they should've be more than satisfied with my brother instead of bringing one more "blessing" to this world! (me)

Sure, I was quite lucky throughout my life but also had lots of bad times.

I guess I'm just not "programmed" to live.

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Quite a bit, my life has been good compared to many on this site that I have read about. Reading posts of others makes me feel like a child when I see horrible stories of abuse and physical illness. I feel guilt for the weakness. I try not to think about it too much though, it's all relative, trust fund kids ctb while there are people living in abject poverty in Africa or Asia who are jolly and happy with their lot. You can't pick what kind of brain you are born with or all the different chemicals in it. That is just how it is and I don't think people should feel guilty for feeling how they do because they don't really control how they feel, you can influence whether you are bored but not the deep down feelings.

I will not feel guilty today I'll just be me how I am, I don't care, I'll be a brat who uses too many commas and behaves inappropriately.

 

[Bat 17]

Yes I do.

Sometimes I think I should just pull myself together. But then I get tired and emotional and CTB is there waiting

 

[Meditation guide]

My reason for feeling guilty about wanting to ctb is a little different. I've researched my ancestors extensively and have found they traveled on the first wooden ships across the ocean to come to America. They fought and died in our Revolutionary War. They fought in all our wars bravely. One was a U.S. president, one was a Senator. I feel ashamed that I'm not as brave as they were.

 

[Bat 17]

I feel ashamed that I'm not as brave as they were.

Since I like you very much, I'm hoping that you can be.

 

[blue_muse]

Occasionally feel guilty, but, luckily the people around me and their behaviour are reminders of why I want to CTB.

 

[nolongerhuman]

I sometimes feel guilty about the possibility of actually going through with it because it would make my father and brother sad but I don't think I could control the thoughts and feelings themselves. I would challenge anyone who would try to judge me (hypothetical people, I know none of you would) to live with my anxiety disorder for a month and then see if they don't become suicidal themselves. That state of being is simply unlivable.

 

[FuneralCry]

I honestly don't feel guilty, I think I see being suicidal as rational for my personal circumstances. Its what I've been like for a lot of my life and I just think that life is against me a lot of the time, bad things happen which are out of my control. Apart from that I just see life as pointless and I didn't even ask to be alive in the first place.

 

[Deleted member 8579]

Very much so, which is the reason why I hide it from everyone.
My parents deserve a better class of son than me.

 

[ClairyFairy]

I feel guilty. I'm ashamed I can't cope. I hate being a drain on everyone

 

[whoeverThisIs]

Yes I do, because every single thing I have was given to me, I don't feel like I've worked for anything in my life; nothing bad has happened to me either.

I'm suicidal just because I'm too weak to live. Really hoping to either get up and be strong for some random reason/purpose, and either decide to live or decide to ctb. I feel guilty for not doing anything.

 

[Apaturesuicience]

For me, its a really weird feeling. So many people have made sacrifices to improve my life throughout the years. I feel guilty because of how sad those people are that I want to die. I feel guilty that I'm wasting so many gifts and fortunes. People always make me feel guilty about my desire to ctb. If only there was a way to stop feeling guilt...

 

[Kennish]

I view it that way that free will is only an illusion and the consequences of genetics and environment are unavoidable.

definitely. Genetics and environment is the judge and executioner.

 

[arie]

I'll always feel guilty, I feel like any other mentally stable person in my position would've had a wonderful life

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I feel sad more than guilty. It's true that I had my health and was financially okay but every attempt at real friendship or love ended in horrible abuse and I couldn't progress job-wise. I've been racked by social phobia my entire life because of bullying in any school/work environment.

I don't feel guilt for feeling the way I do, I see it as a natural conclusion. I feel pissed off that I had a pack of blessings at my back and that they were essentially ruined by those I came into contact with. I feel pissed off that I wasted my time on people who aren't worthy of licking my boots.

Yeah. It's more anger than guilt, both inward and outward.

 

[tiredplant777]

Yes I feel guilty. I've been given a lot. My family are great people and I don't want to hurt them. I've also had a bunch of spiritual experiences and I feel like an idiot for having these and still wanting to die. I also have done a lot of ceremonies/work with Ayahuasca. Some of my spiritual experiences were with Ayahuasca and some were not.
I feel guilty because Ayahuasca is supposed to help people, and it's helped me a lot, but I still struggle. I feel like if I killed myself I would let so many people down and disappoint them. I feel like people would feel like they failed if I killed myself, and that makes me feel so guilty.

 

[xLosthopex]

No, quite the opposite-I feel guilty for NOT having ctb yet

 

[tiredplant777]

I feel pissed off that I had a pack of blessings at my back and that they were essentially ruined by those I came into contact with.

Me too. Me too. I wish so much people had made different choices. I had abusers, like serious abusers, I feel like they were so far gone that they couldn't help it... but maybe I am making excuses for them. What hurts me the most is that I was able to overcome the abusers, but then other people who really should have known better (at least I feel) behaved in terrible ways and I wish I'd never met them.

 

[Zzzzz]

Sometimes a little bit but deep down I know that it's my life and I should never be unhappy for someone else's sake.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

Me too. Me too. I wish so much people had made different choices. I had abusers, like serious abusers, I feel like they were so far gone that they couldn't help it... but maybe I am making excuses for them. What hurts me the most is that I was able to overcome the abusers, but then other people who really should have known better (at least I feel) behaved in terrible ways and I wish I'd never met them.

I used to make those excuses for them. I used to take their shit because I pitied them.. I knew what it was like to feel weak so I never answered back because I didn't want them to feel bullied (even though they had zero problem bullying me).

I feel like I've always tried to self-soothe by making life easier for others, no matter how that treads on my toes. I'm teaching myself that I'm worth defending because I can't do the destructive loop again. Vicarious self-love just teaches others to disrespect me.

It's like.. we have to own our part in it because though we can't change others, we can avoid them. But yes, I wish I'd never met 90% of the people I've had anything to do with.

 

[Brokensaddle]

No I'm in my late twenties and since I was 15 my sister drummed suicidal ideation into my head so she get my share of the inheritance. Having multiple mental illness has made me more empathy of those in similar situations. I have lost friends from when have discovered suicidal ideation. I was made that why I'm. When I'm not at home and around safe people who my best interest at heart I'm normal. I can't help feel the way life and the environment has shaped me