Does anyone else always end up back in the dark place?

[Brokensoulwalking]

So I tried to CTB a few months ago, it failed not gonna go into detail but I have had a lot of supervision since then.

Since I had that I decided I will try focus on well being and try to build something from my life. I manage to for a couple of weeks.

Then I end up back in this dark place, unable to get out of bed, crying, just wanting it all to end constantly.

I know what has brought me to this, some shit I didn't deserve.

But it's just like this darkness sucks you back in everytime you try to escape. Then your only option is the CTB.

Is there anything real out there for us? I tried to get better, and because I can't, people act like me wanting it all to end is my fault.

I'm sorry I might be rambling I just had no where else to let this out.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Crying won't solve your problems but I understand as you might need to let all your emotions out. One thing that I can advice is if you feel like you want to give life another chance then do it and if you are 100 percent sure that ctb is good way to go then do it. I wish you all the best with whatever decision you made.

 

[The anhedonic one]

The darkness is a permanent thing now.
I no longer want to get better anymore.
I just need to die.
So sorry you are going through this.
I don't think there is a solution.
Only CTB.

 

[Brokensoulwalking]

Crying won't solve your problems but I understand as you might need to let all your emotions out. One thing that I can advice is if you feel like you want to give life another chance then do it and if you are 100 percent sure that ctb is good way to go then do it. I wish you all the best with whatever decision you made.

You're 100% right, I hate crying and I don't believe it solves a thing. Just fell apart for a brief moment.

I won't be able to CTB for a while I'm still mostly supervised.

 

[Ontwon]

I completely understand, it's like there is some invisible magnet pulling me down and back to the darkness. I too tried to get better and while I did have some successes here I am yet again. I'm tired, so tired. I just want to sleep....

 

[FuneralCry]

Suffering is just the reality of this existence, and I think that existing truly is something hopeless, not wishing to exist here is just having awareness, wanting to die is perfectly logical in this world where we are destined for nowhere but to decay from age and die anyway, existing certainly is so torturous. The so called "dark place" is just seeing existence for what it truly is.

 

[Brokensoulwalking]

Suffering is just the reality of this existence, and I think that existing truly is something hopeless, not wishing to exist here is just having awareness, wanting to die is perfectly logical in this world where we are destined for nowhere but to decay from age and die anyway, existing certainly is so torturous. The so called "dark place" is just seeing existence for what it truly is.

Perfectly summed up.

I always sit here and think not just me but the entire human race is just a spec of dust on the bigger picture and the cosmic time line. And me I am an even smaller speck of dust on humanity's time line.

I'll be forgotten in days or weeks. Fucking ex opioid addict and ex alcoholic, who can't accept his childhood was stolen.

I'm sick of people telling me I'm talented, that I have everything I could ever want. I just don't see the point of it all. I wish I had the energy to keep creating.

 

[feder]

I feel you, also been trying to get better recently and it works(sort of) for a week or two, but then all the bad feelings come back. It's really not easy to get better and sustain the mood for a long time. But I think spiraling back is a normal thing and if we can get through it enough times it will eventually get better. At least I like to believe that.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I can understand your feelings and questions very well. There are two questions you must answer for yourself first.

1. What is my problem / problems?
2. Can this problem be solved and how (e.g. therapy, medication, other things that would have to change in your life)

If you come to the conclusion YES and you find a way for it then try it, if you come to the conclusion NO then I suggest CTB should be an option outa this agony and sufferings.

I for myself know my issue but nobody and no therapy / psycho doc could solve it. So I decided that if nothing changes CTB is the way to go,

 

[Brokensoulwalking]

I can understand your feelings and questions very well. There are two questions you must answer for yourself first.

1. What is my problem / problems?
2. Can this problem be solved and how (e.g. therapy, medication, other things that would have to change in your life)

If you come to the conclusion YES and you find a way for it then try it, if you come to the conclusion NO then I suggest CTB should be an option outa this agony and sufferings.

I for myself know my issue but nobody and no therapy / psycho doc could solve it. So I decided that if nothing changes CTB is the way to go,

Very much have so.

My problem is deep routed trauma.

I have attempted several times to address this trauma and none of it works.

I see so many people want a romantic partner. I can't physically, emotionally form relationships with anyone and I've tried.

I think I need to plan, and arrange my method and someone to take care of my cat, she deserves love: a stray who hated people who I managed to win over