Venting Does anybody else waste their entire day every day?

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Are you me? It is always so heartbreaking to catch glimpses of the pain others are going through, as I am no stranger to being secluded and fighting executive dysfunction myself. I've pretty much thrown in the towel when it comes to my degree and when I am not at my part time job I am laying in bed doomscrolling social media.

My brainfog and attention span are genuinely so bad that even if I deleted every app I would still end up staring at the walls for hours with permanently slurry vision. I've tried every stimulant, anti-inflammatories, every nootropic drug and supplement you can think of, fasting, various diets, etc but I believe I have permanent brain damage. Even if I'm doing something I am excited for and motivated about I can never really pay attention or be present and my IQ took a massive hit over the past couple years.

It's like permanently living in a scene from silent hill, immersed in an impenetrable fog. I think I knew I was truly fucked when I was feeling pure happiness standing in Osaka Japan, wanting to admire this gorgeous scenery but couldn't and felt completely out of it and zombified due to the brainfog and could do nothing but drag my worn out body home.

 

[notforl0ng]

Elden Ring passed many hours for me, there's a guy on YouTube called FightinCowboy i highly recommend following his walkthrough if you want to get all trophies. Just beware there was afew mistakes he made and other stuff were patched. If you read his pinned comments on each part and hold off killing npc's you shouldn't go wrong.

FightinCowboy is a legend lol. The last Souls game I finished was Demons Souls on the PS3 when I was WAY younger, and I got through most of DS3 with a co-op buddy but we stopped in Anor Londo. It's rough getting back into it but I'm about to fight Godrick and loving the game so much so far. I'm not gonna try 100%ing as there's other stuff I wanna play before this time next month, but I'll do as much as I can before rolling the credits haha. Thanks for the tips bud

 

[RemainingDubious]

FightinCowboy is a legend lol. The last Souls game I finished was Demons Souls on the PS3 when I was WAY younger, and I got through most of DS3 with a co-op buddy but we stopped in Anor Londo. It's rough getting back into it but I'm about to fight Godrick and loving the game so much so far. I'm not gonna try 100%ing as there's other stuff I wanna play before this time next month, but I'll do as much as I can before rolling the credits haha. Thanks for the tips bud

Bloodborne was the first FromSoftware game i played. i must of spent about 40+ hours getting owned, before trading it in when i was short of money.

When i got Elden Ring i spent a ridiculous amount of time not getting anywhere (they do say life imitates art)
after discovering FightinCowboy and following his walkthrough after a few hours i'd made so much more progress than i had on my own.

my better half would usually only play things like The Sims, Animal Crossing, Platform games or Singing games. Usually she would complain about the type of games i'd play but even she enjoyed watching me struggle on Elden Ring. She'd even happily grind xp farms and stuff while I'd cook our meals. After getting the platinum trophy we actually missed having more to do, so i ended up getting the Demons Souls remake and then Bloodborne again. Following his walkthroughs actually made games i wouldn't have the patience for really enjoyable.

i completely agree FightinCowboy is a legend.

 

[Shar]

If you survive to GTA 6 make sure to pour one out for those who didn't live to see it

I'll remember that. Especially if its good as expected.

I just finished Yakuza 7 after 60 hours of long dialogue and grinding so I'm probably JRPG'd out for a bit haha. Elden Ring and and finishing Baldur's Gate 3 will have to do for me I think

Have you ever played Yakuza 0? the story is a masterpiece, one of the best I've ever experienced and very underrated. I don't even know how it didn't win any writing awards or honorable mentions. I'm thinking about running the entire franchise in chronological order, so I might as well play kiwami soon.

Baldur gate 3 for me is the game of the decade, it's been a while since a game pleased me as much as this one. The last one bioshock infinite, more than 10 years ago.

 

[notforl0ng]

I'll remember that. Especially if its good as expected.


Have you ever played Yakuza 0? the story is a masterpiece, one of the best I've ever experienced and very underrated. I don't even know how it didn't win any writing awards or honorable mentions. I'm thinking about running the entire franchise in chronological order, so I might as well play kiwami soon.

Baldur gate 3 for me is the game of the decade, it's been a while since a game pleased me as much as this one. The last one bioshock infinite, more than 10 years ago.

I got 0 on day one after bouncing off Yakuza 5 (worst game to start with lol, but my friend gave it to me for free) and played it non stop for a month straight. Amazing series overall. The only ones I haven't finished are 3, the Ishin/Dead Souls zombie one, and 8. I'd recommend them to pretty much anybody at this point

And I completely agree on BG3. I got it kind of expecting it to be overhyped but nah it's as good as people say. Such an addicting experience, last game that did that to me was Witcher 3

Bloodborne was the first FromSoftware game i played. i must of spent about 40+ hours getting owned, before trading it in when i was short of money.

When i got Elden Ring i spent a ridiculous amount of time not getting anywhere (they do say life imitates art)
after discovering FightinCowboy and following his walkthrough after a few hours i'd made so much more progress than i had on my own.

my better half would usually only play things like The Sims, Animal Crossing, Platform games or Singing games. Usually she would complain about the type of games i'd play but even she enjoyed watching me struggle on Elden Ring. She'd even happily grind xp farms and stuff while I'd cook our meals. After getting the platinum trophy we actually missed having more to do, so i ended up getting the Demons Souls remake and then Bloodborne again. Following his walkthroughs actually made games i wouldn't have the patience for really enjoyable.

i completely agree FightinCowboy is a legend.

I bought Bloodborne but didn't have the patience for it back then, I got it when I was like 16 and got stuck at Father Gascoigne and completely gave up. I have a lot more patience now and plan on finishing that too if I get to beat Elden Ring in time :)

 

[RemainingDubious]

got stuck at Father Gascoigne and completely gave up.

That was my initial experience i didn't understand the hype or even how on earth people found it enjoyable, nevermind call it one of the best PS4 games. After Elden Ring and the Demons Souls remake. i appreciated it, i probably wouldn't of without FightinCowboy like.

i find it quite sad when i finish a decent game and see the amount of people involved when the credits roll and realise they won't get much appreciation for the work they've put in. They helped make a world better than this one, that provided a better experience and they probably don't even know how much that can mean to people.

Even YouTubers who go above and beyond. Elden Ring is pretty big and fairly flexible with character builds and the open world. For someone like FightinCowboy to cover so much ground must of took a ridiculous amount of time, but to provide different methods on top of that and come up with a order that would be more helpful, is mind blowing. It's sad they'll probably never realise how much they made 100+ hours of my existence alone so much better than it would have been without them.

 

[dragonofenvy]

I've pretty much thrown in the towel when it comes to my degree

I've given up on college altogether. It's a bit of a scam if you ask me. Also just not a good place for people who are like me who are vilified there.

Even if I'm doing something I am excited for and motivated about I can never really pay attention or be present

I thought I was the only one. I never knew how to describe it. I would want to do things, and then when I would start after just a couple of minutes I'm checked out. I'm not sure if it's an attention span issue on my end since I can pay attention to several hour long video essays or learn about something I have mild interest in, but anything else and I can go max a few minutes.

Even when I'm doing once-in-a-lifetime things, like seeing Mount Rushmore, hiking Yellowstone, viewing the Grand Canyon, etc. I just feel nothing. It's sad because I wish I could.

Have you ever played Yakuza 0? the story is a masterpiece, one of the best I've ever experienced and very underrated.

Yakuza is one of my favorite game series, even though I will likely dislike a lot of the games past 0. Y0 was awesome, and for a game that's a bit unserious it somehow had one of the best stories in a game I've seen for a long time. It was also just plain fun and that's coming from someone who doesn't like brawlers. Kiwami, and Kiwami 2 was good too, but not on the same tier as 0. Yakuza 3, well that's where I got stuck. Didn't really enjoy the combat in that one at all. Ishin is very similar mostly because I find it to be too easy and too repetitive even on the highest difficulty. 7 and 8 I have no interest in as I don't like turn-based JRPGs very much. Hopefully once I'm done with Ishin and 3, 4 and 5 and 6 will be better. I would also recommend RGG's Judgement series as while the story isn't very good the gameplay is enjoyable. Something about martial arts as opposed to street fighting is just a lot cooler.

Elden Ring passed many hours for me

Hot take - I liked Elden Ring the least of the souls games. Not because the game itself is bad, but because it suffers from open-world problems. I wasn't a big fan of having the map open on my second monitor the whole time and realizing I missed a bunch of stuff, including a few bosses and flask upgrades when I never had that issue in any of the Dark Souls games. When you're not doing the open-world crap, it's great. Guess I just like more linear stuff (odd considering I just beat Red Dead 2 and loved it and am also a big S.T.A.L.K.E.R. fan which while it isn't really open world it kind of sort of is). I've been trying to get back into it but it's really hard to start something like that back up when you haven't played it for months.

 

[BlockHammer]

Im dont even know if my activity can be count as productive or not, i do participate in japanese language course cause im intersted in this language and i've been hunting for a job since the end of 2022, also im doing some chore aroumd my house

But the problem is, eventhough my friend already got a job i haven't got even one, i had an interview but that's it. So back to my previous statement, yes im learning something while searching for a job, but it's been almost 1 year and i don't even know if what im doing is productive anymore.

 

[dragonofenvy]

but it's been almost 1 year and i don't even know if what im doing is productive anymore.

I guess it really depends. See, what I find "productive" is finding ways to pass time that aren't just staring at a wall. I've never really found the idea of a job, at least the jobs I can do, which are entry-level low-paying factory stuff as productive. But, I also don't put much value into a career anymore. I do put value in earning my own money though which I'm sure you do as well.

What you find productive is ultimately up to you. I don't subscribe to the idea that I have to give something to society with a job or whatever. I want to be able to do things I enjoy. If you find learning Japanese enjoyable I don't see how it's unproductive, unless you wish you were giving something to society/other people. Maybe learning Japanese can do just that.

 

[notforl0ng]

That was my initial experience i didn't understand the hype or even how on earth people found it enjoyable, nevermind call it one of the best PS4 games. After Elden Ring and the Demons Souls remake. i appreciated it, i probably wouldn't of without FightinCowboy like.

i find it quite sad when i finish a decent game and see the amount of people involved when the credits roll and realise they won't get much appreciation for the work they've put in. They helped make a world better than this one, that provided a better experience and they probably don't even know how much that can mean to people.

Even YouTubers who go above and beyond. Elden Ring is pretty big and fairly flexible with character builds and the open world. For someone like FightinCowboy to cover so much ground must of took a ridiculous amount of time, but to provide different methods on top of that and come up with a order that would be more helpful, is mind blowing. It's sad they'll probably never realise how much they made 100+ hours of my existence alone so much better than it would have been without them.

Those people are unsung heroes. Hopefully they realize just how much they contribute to broken people having a bit of an easier time, even just for a short while. Gaming has kept me going for way too long. Made me a lot of friends over the years too, which I'm really grateful for

 

[Z-A]

Started like this 5 years ago and it's only getting worse with no point of return now. It's only a matter of time before I lose my patience and decide to go for CTB.

 

[tuey32]

Yes. Except I stay in bed all day

 

[FitsTime]

I have been doing it for almost 3 years now.
Even if i was working till 5 months ago, i was dead inside from a lot of time.
I remember that you were speaking of CS, i was actually a Sysadmin
I did this also in youth for a certain time.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Everyday I don't spend planning my CTB is a waste of a day.

This is my mindset on my life too though I don't think this because I hate myself. I think this because a day in which I'm alive for means a day of which my suffering could have been prevented were I to ctb before

 

[grahf]

Yeah waste entire day every day and what's worst I don't have a job I'm poor and from third world country, I have mental illness too and glaucoma, I just want to ctb but Im afraid failed and end up vegetable, i don't want to burden my family

 

[LostInTheWoods]

Yes, me. Even because if I start to do something I start feel all the pain, the stress, and my demons come back

 

[sunsetbeach]

Me. Every day is the same. Wake up, eat, spend time on the internet trying to distract and entertain myself, maybe go for a walk, and before you know it, it's time to sleep again. I feel like life is one big, tiring, completely uninteresting day, devoid of color and meaning.

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

Yes I'm a lazy fuck

 

[Daxter_87]

Long ramble ahead. Feel free to ignore it.

---

This happens to me, not so much because I don't feel like doing anything, or because I suffer from anhedonia, as terrible as that is, but because I am simply incapable of doing anything, even if I want to. How can you do anything or live a normal life when you start eating at 2.30pm and finish at 4.30–5.00pm? When you go to the bathroom, and it takes 30–40 minutes to get out? And the funny thing is that I've improved in this last area, because a few years ago it took me 1 hour, and when I was a child it took me 2 whole hours! Not only that, but the same pattern holds true elsewhere, whether it's hygiene, chores, playing a game - when I used to do that - and hell, even writing here.

Still, some people in my life expect me to do more, as if I'm not ruined enough already. Well, to be blunt, they can go fuck themselves, and I hope I can order SN for when the time comes. It will be my only salvation and escape from this torturous world and its equally insufferable inhabitants. A scenario I sometimes imagine in my head is one where I leave life while giving the middle finger to all the fuckers who have pushed me over the edge, in a "fuck you, I'm going home" fashion.

When it comes down to it, the nature of my problem is slightly different to the one you describe. It's not a comparison in the sense that it's worse or better - let's not turn this into the Pain Olympics, as I read somewhere else. Just different. But yeah, a waste of my days and a waste of my idiotic, dumbass life.

P.S. Sorry for the long rant. Feel free to ignore it. I haven't written one of these in a long time.

 

[YosemiteGrrl]

Bed rotting everyday for the past 5 years

Me too

 

[etherealspring]

yh all i do is bed rot and scroll on my phone all day, then sleep for even longer. it's like i genuinely believe im going to die soon whether it's by ctb or just. in general? im always in disbelief that ive made it as far as i have

 

[LunarLight]

I wake up, dreading the fact that it's yet another day I have to deal with. I just lay in my bed for hours. Rare is the day that I get out of bed within the first hour. No, I'm sitting there for 2-5 hours before I finally decide to get out. I drink some water but don't eat, I'd like to eat breakfast, but it is so rare that I ever feel hungry. I'll skip it and eat something later. It's mid-afternoon by this point. I've got the rest of the day to do... well to do what? I don't enjoy anything. I liked gaming when I was a teenager. I don't anymore. I don't have anything to do outside. There aren't any TV shows or movies I want to watch. YouTube videos are just, bland.

So I just sit in my chair in front of my computer, just idling on the desktop. Sometimes I pace around my apartment. Here and there maybe I'll play a game for an hour or two but I'm bored the whole time. It's evening now, I suppose I should eat something. I really don't feel like cooking, I'll just throw something in the microwave.

Dinner's done, I've got a few hours left before I should be in bed. I should do something so that I didn't spend the entire day doing literally nothing. But, nothing is enjoyable. I can't think of any way to pass the time. I just sit there. I pace around some more, thinking about life, or whatever else floats around in my mind.

Suddenly it's past midnight. I should probably go to bed. I lay in bed for hours, unable to fall asleep. Dreading the next day. Hating myself for wasting today. I hope tonight I can sleep for several hours, that will pass the time and would probably be healthy. Finally, I sleep for a couple of hours, before I wake up again. But I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to have to face yet another day, so I lay there for a few hours...

Every day is the same cycle, I waste away rarely doing anything. I do nothing but just sit there. I should be doing anything. I'm not talking about being productive, who cares about being productive I just want to do something I can enjoy to pass the time. Anhedonia is a real bitch, isn't it? There's more to life than just sitting there until the next day comes but it sure doesn't seem like it for me.

Definitely me, although I don't even go out of bed except for eating.
Spend my time on SaSu, waiting for my SN to arrive.
Then I'll be free if I have the courage.

 

[Metalhead]

Bed rotting since I lost my job October 2023.