Discussion Does anybody else find themselves idolizing those who CTB?

[NotSalmon]

Not much to say about this. It's like an addiction to me and I oftentimes find myself idolizing those who've offed themselves and find it hard to "look up" to anyone else. It's pretty fucked up but I cannot stop it and it makes me more at ease with the idea of CTB

 

[Forever Sleep]

I do to an extent. I admire other people too though. I expect a lot of people would find it toxic and perverse to admire someone because they killed themselves but, I've maybe always had a slightly odd romanticized view of it.

An early example I felt a tragic admiration for was Van Gogh (although, there are some doubts on whether he did kill himself now.) I also saw a BBC series on the Romans where the mother of I Claudius takes her life because she simply doesn't like the way the world is changing. I remember kind of admiring that too and thinking it was a fair enough decision.

 

[SVEN]

No, if anything I guess I just envy them.

 

[foreverlanguish]

Kind of. I also just find myself feeling happy for whoever managed to CTB successfully.

 

[VoidBlessed]

For sure. I feel a real sense of pride when I hear about someone who did (provided they didn't do it to get out of being punished for a heinous crime). I look up to their bravery and strength and it inspires me to try to be brave and strong too.

 

[brownbear]

Yes, i understand. Idolizing might be the wrong expression, more like respecting the passed and romanticising the idea of suicide.

I think we might hope for the same kind of admiration and honour. Everyone loves the romance and tragedy of Romeo and Julia.

 

[TheHolySword]

No, it just makes me sad thinking about life leading them there. I don't really find anything to idolize in suicide. I'm not even jealous that they CTBed, it's just depressing to me.

 

[NotSalmon]

No, it just makes me sad thinking about life leading them there. I don't really find anything to idolize in suicide. I'm not even jealous that they CTBed, it's just depressing to me.

I feel that way too, but then it often gets unhealthy to an awful point.
Sometimes I ruminate so hard to the point it seems they are calling me to the grave. (Of course this is figurative, I couldn't describe it any better.)
It's very hard to describe or justify how I feel about this, putting it into words and all.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I don't idolize because it is so sad their lives hit that point of no return but I am jealous that they had the courage to cbt.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I wouldn't say idolise as that's a strong word for sure but I do envy those who have managed to ctb successfully. They are truly lucky to have achieved an earlier death over a later death since they no longer have to deal with potential decades of suffering. Of course I think that it's unfortunate that people have to go through harsh methods just to die but, if they succeed with it, I envy them a lot

 

[AnderDethsky]

I admit that I am inclined to do this, there is a rather subtle line here, when you feel positive feelings for someone's CTB, then if you express it and you are misunderstood, people will begin to despise and hate you for romanticizing death and dancing on other people's boneыs. As for the romance of CTB, I can't deny that I'm doing it (at least judging by the content of my profile), but I am NOT doing it because I have some kind of schadenfreude or I am complacent at the expense of the deceased. But I am afraid that there may already be a certain number of people on this forum who did not understand this and now they undeservedly hate me and / or sent me to ignore.

Although, in theory, we all know here who we are in the majority and on which site we are. For most of us, death is something desirable that we would like to achieve ourselves, it is like a test that life requires us to go through, and in order to do this, we definitely need strength and courage. And if, for example, you are taking a difficult exam at school and there is someone in front of you for whom rpassed this test, it is quite natural to feel positive emotions for someone for the fact that something that we have to go through is left behind for him.

 

[avalokitesvara]

Yeah, I seem to be drawn to cultural figures who express suicidal thoughts or who actually committed suicide. Sometimes I don't even know that about them, and love them and only find out later.

David Foster Wallace, Virginia Woolf, Mark Linkous, Elliott Smith, Per Yngve Ohlin, Sylvia Plath, Jean Améry, David Cloud Berman, Kurt Cobain… I feel kinship with them. I love them.

 

[Wezzy777]

Probably more like envy as other people stated— "I wish that was me."

 

[vanibless]

I admire that they succesed mostly I guess

 

[Yume Nikki]

If anything I mourn them.

 

[rachybee]

I feel the envy way too.