Phosphorous 4
Member
- May 21, 2024
- 80
I cut myself on my leg deeper than I anticipated and it kinda sucks. It didn't have any sensation to it at all this time. I literally could not feel the razor. I'm thinking about ctb via razor to neck somewhere far from my house, I always really enjoyed the woods. The whole lack of any kind of sensation thing is making wonder if I could replicate that deep enough on my jugular without really feeling it. I would have to do it super quick and with a bit of conviction otherwise I'm just gonna put myself in a super crappy position. I've been thinking about it consistently for a month now. I was always suicidal but I've started planning, I think that's a personal sign for myself. I can't get through the day without muttering "I want to die" out loud, it almost seems like a tick or something because I don't feel like I necessarily have control over it, I just constantly say it. This obviously makes being around other people pretty awkward and difficult. I'm just going to start logging everything onto here, writing it out where someone could find it seems like a bad idea. I'm giving myself until 2/7/2025 and I'll have to have a solid enough plan ready by then. I don't know if this sounds crazy but I don't feel like I'm even sad necessarily, just kind of exhausted I guess. I'm 32 now, I don't really want to see what 33 looks like.
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