Do your fears and anxiety lead you to becoming or causing what you try to protect yourself from?

[Phobia_DLW]

I am scared of being ignored, so I abandon people first, I stop replying to texts or calls and just disappear.

I am really afraid of opening up to people and them using what I told them against me, so when I get into an argument with someone, I try to hurt them first before they get to do it to me.

I am really afraid of being judged so I end up judging myself the most.

I'm afraid of rejection, so I act distant and uninterested. People assume I don't care and stop reaching out, which feels like rejection (for others and myself).

I'm afraid of conflict, so I avoid honest conversations and let resentment build until I explode and damage the relationship more than the original issue would have and cause conflict.

I'm afraid of failing, so I never fully commit to anything. That way, if things fall apart, I can tell myself I never really tried but it also guarantees that I fail.

I'm terrified of losing control, so I try to control every detail, every outcome, every person around me. Eventually people feel suffocated and things become more chaotic and out of control, not less.

I'm afraid nobody will stay, so I keep testing people to "prove" they care. Eventually they get exhausted by constantly having to prove it and leave.

I don't want to be alone but I'm afraid of intimacy, so I only show people polished, edited versions of myself. Then I feel lonely because nobody actually knows me.

 

[Forveleth]

Hope I am not being billed for this therapy session

As a textbook INFP I am most afraid of hurting others, mostly in the form of disappointment. To this end, I have spent my entire life never saying "no" when I should. I live a life that everyone else around me wants for me rather than the life I want for myself. When I mess up, I will berate myself first before someone else has a chance to get mad at me so I do not have to hear the same words from them.

That is the only thing, but it pervades every moment of my life.

 

[Phobia_DLW]

Hope I am not being billed for this therapy session

As a textbook INFP I am most afraid of hurting others, mostly in the form of disappointment. To this end, I have spent my entire life never saying "no" when I should. I live a life that everyone else around me wants for me rather than the life I want for myself. When I mess up, I will berate myself first before someone else has a chance to get mad at me so I do not have to hear the same words from them.

That is the only thing, but it pervades every moment of my life.

Had to google what INFP is.

Yup it feels like its inevitable so you might as well do it to yourself instead of it coming from someone else

I also accept crypto as a form of payment btw.

 

[Spit On My Grave]

I am sorry I did not understand the question

 

[Phobia_DLW]

I am sorry I did not understand the question

Because I am afraid of something, I end up either causing it or doing it to myself

 

[E4syW3y0u7]

So is it something like self-sabotage ?

 

[Phobia_DLW]

So is it something like self-sabotage ?

Basically, or a a self-fulfilling prophecy

 

[E4syW3y0u7]

Yeah, i can relate. Feels like i've been missing out my whole life because i was too afraid of being my real self.

Either shutting down close to achieving something or running away and not even trying.

But nowadays it's even worse, i get angry and hurt people around and myself aswell. What a mess.

I need a drink and all the bottles are empty...

 

[Phobia_DLW]

Yeah, i can relate. Feels like i've been missing out my whole life because i was too afraid of being my real self.

Either shutting down close to achieving something or running away and not even trying.

But nowadays it's even worse, i get angry and hurt people around and myself aswell. What a mess.

I need a drink and all the bottles are empty...

Yup.

Empty bottles suck, if it makes it any better, I just popped one open.

 

[Tomorrow Is Today]

Yeah. I wasn't always a wreck and I fought quite hard to have my intended life. I relate to that point you made about control, where that desire to have things my way led to me suffocating people I cared about, like a child embracing his new pet so tight that it can't breathe. The intention was never malicious but alas.

 

[Phobia_DLW]

Yeah. I wasn't always a wreck and I fought quite hard to have my intended life. I relate to that point you made about control, where that desire to have things my way led to me suffocating people I cared about, like a child embracing his new pet so tight that it can't breathe. The intention was never malicious but alas.

Yup, the desire for control is entirely defensive, to make sure nothing goes wrong or hurts you but look at how it turns out haha