Do you want to ctb because something bad happened or because life is simply too boring

[saderaser]

Hi guys,

I wonder if some of you are in a similar situation like me. I've found life boring since I was little. I even tried to kill myself when I was around 4. Our paths usually go like this, we go to school, get a job, get old and die. Of course there are small things that I enjoy doing (reading books, playing video games, food...etc), but the boringness still outweighs all of them. I used to think that my parents were the main reason why I wanted to ctb because they were so immature and manipulative, but maybe I wasn't right about it. There were so many things that I thought contributed to my desire to die but even after I got rid of them, I still want to ctb. I finally graduated from college, got a job, my parents are getting a lot more understanding and supportive (I don't live with them anymore), I have enough money to do things that I've always wanted to do, I've stopped being a perfectionist and I am now able to accept the way I am. But still, I want to die sooo badly. I do not see the point of living. For me, there has never been a point. It's like I was "placed" on the earth randomly and couldn't be more clueless.

Maybe, being alive isn't something I enjoy, it's as simple as someone not liking the taste of bananas, yet I had to see a psychiatrist because of that. Does not wanting to live/finding life to be boring to the point where you want to give up life always = mental illness?. I didn't ctb earlier because I was raised in a super religious family and I was told that taking my own life will end up in hell. Now I no longer believe in that kind of stuff (took my years to overcome that fear though) and have decided to ctb soon, but now I looked back and thought about it, I wonder if it's possible to not find life enjoyable in the first place. Or does it have to be something bad that had happened to cause someone to be like this (lose hope, broke apart).

 

[UnknownGuy69]

Because something bad happened:
I exist, my mom told me i was an accident + I'm garbage and life sucks, it's a constant loop of suffering, might or might not hang myself soon.

 

[OnceThougtTwiceDone]

That's a VERY common reason.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally find existing to be so tedious and unappealing, I could never see existence as being desirable and could never see a point to any of this, we are enduring a futile existence just waiting around to die, existence is just a meaningless distraction from the fact that death is inevitable and I just see existence as being so unnecessary in the first place.

I've never wanted to endure existence and I always see not existing as being preferable, it's so insane to me how people label having awareness of the reality of existing as being an "illness", those people are in denial, the truth is that wanting suicide will always be a logical response to existing here.

Humans are just passing the time until they inevitably decay from old age which is something that repulses me, just in general existence is a tedious burden and a chore, I could never understand how anyone could desire this, even if there wasn't any extreme suffering or the risk of suffering extremely all that would be left is emptiness, disatisfcation and the awareness of how futile everything is.

 

[SoftWorries]

CPTSD makes life go from being pleasant to unbearable. I hadn't had nightmares in weeks and last night it was all night long of endless terror.

It makes me tired. It makes me want to check out.

I also find things boring. Luckily I really love psychedelics a lot. They're never boring. It keeps me alive

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I hate being male and I find being male boring, so I guess technically I want to CTB because life is boring (for me).

 

[magician99]

I became suicidal because of the abuse of my parents, bullying in school, depression, etc.

But now, I also just find life too boring. Waking up at 6am every day to work until 11pm, for the rest of my life, is not something that is worth living for.

Working until old age is something I never want to go through.

 

[Aisley]

4 is quite young for it, honestly. My kid, when he was a toddler, said he wanted to die. I said really? He said, yeah, but just for like five minutes or something. I said, that's a nap, baby. Go lie down, and I'll tell you when to come back to life.

Interesting how some crummy parents come around when they see you don't need them anymore, and the looming darkness of their own mortality rears its ugly head, huh? Glad you've found a better place with them. Give them an inch, tho, and they'll take a mile.

For me, the answer, in its simplest form, is both, and they're part of the same beast. Something horrible happened when I was a child; it led to hypersexuality and questions that revolve around that, and a life that ran on constant stimulation. That stimulation is removed, now, irretrievable, and I feel I have nothing to live for outside of it, aside from seeing this kid fully raised. Just running out a clock, these days. These years.

Also, congrats on your religious emancipation. Such a completely unnecessary evil in our lives.

 

[saderaser]

Because something bad happened:
I exist, my mom told me i was an accident + I'm garbage and life sucks, it's a constant loop of suffering, might or might not hang myself soon.

I hate it when parents say that. They are supposed to fix their problems, not throwing them at our face. What she said was totally unacceptable and cruel. I cannot imagine how much pain you are going through. May we all find peace.

That's a VERY common reason.

Glad to know that. Time to say bye-bye to this sh*tty place.

 

[12_Years_Late]

I have become completely bored with society and life in general. Do I really need to follow eight billion sporting events that I have no interest in? There was a contest yesterday with people running over a greasy pole, and it was treated as relevant on a national news stream.

Nothing about life has ever interested me with the exception of less than five obsessions. That's it. I don't care about anything else about existing.

 

[girlsboysthems]

same brotha. i tried everything, got myself everything i ever wanted, i travelled the world and im working and going to college part time. Even though everything is PERFECT, i am still miserable and just want a way out.

 

[saderaser]

4 is quite young for it, honestly. My kid, when he was a toddler, said he wanted to die. I said really? He said, yeah, but just for like five minutes or something. I said, that's a nap, baby. Go lie down, and I'll tell you when to come back to life.

Interesting how some crummy parents come around when they see you don't need them anymore, and the looming darkness of their own mortality rears its ugly head, huh? Glad you've found a better place with them. Give them an inch, tho, and they'll take a mile.

For me, the answer, in its simplest form, is both, and they're part of the same beast. Something horrible happened when I was a child; it led to hypersexuality and questions that revolve around that, and a life that ran on constant stimulation. That stimulation is removed, now, irretrievable, and I feel I have nothing to live for outside of it, aside from seeing this kid fully raised. Just running out a clock, these days. These years.

Also, congrats on your religious emancipation. Such a completely unnecessary evil in our lives.

Is your boy doing okay?

I hope everything gets better for you because I understand how hard it is to live for someone else. I hope no one suffers...but reality is sh*t.

same brotha. i tried everything, got myself everything i ever wanted, i travelled the world and im working and going to college part time. Even though everything is PERFECT, i am still miserable and just want a way out.

Right? We've tried pretty hard but nothing really changed. The whole situation makes me look super pathetic when I think about it, but I think you're amazing for working hard and trying your best to fulfill your dreams. Life can be cruel and I wish I was never born. By the way some dumba*ses are going to say that we are unthankfulThey are even more pathetic in my opinion.

 

[wanttodie]

just sick of life and living and want die

 

[Aisley]

My boy's fine. Thanks for asking. He's in his teens and doing well enough. Bit of an introvert, but that was to be expected; it's a reasonable price to pay for a trauma-free childhood. And I won't be catching any buses until my shit's about as resolved as shit can be. Not gonna fuck him up on my way out or anything, you know? Just killing time.

 

[EndJstifiesTheMeans]

Both, to be honest

 

[Forever Sleep]

Both. At an early age, bad stuff happened to make me want to CTB. Beyond that- same as you- life is too boring and unrewarding to be worth it - even though I have put effort it.

That is young to realise that though in your case! I was maybe in my twenties when the apathy started to hit in. That's then kind of come and gone. I have found meaning and distaction for certain time periods but even that isn't working now.

 

[delusionalgirl]

Something bad that led to bad that wasn't properly taken care of that leads to more bad.

 

[StolenLife]

I want to ctb because bad things happened in my past which left me traumatised. Because of those bad things I developed mental illness and am paranoid 24/7.

 

[girlsboysthems]

Right? We've tried pretty hard but nothing really changed. The whole situation makes me look super pathetic when I think about it, but I think you're amazing for working hard and trying your best to fulfill your dreams. Life can be cruel and I wish I was never born. By the way some dumba*ses are going to say that we are unthankfulThey are even more pathetic in my opinion.

I know. the only thing thats left and the thing my therapist says might work would be mindfulness, but i just dont see how paying intense attention to the same thoughts that caused suicide attempts and self harm would be beneficial? im just at the end of my shit, i am tired beyond tired my body is giving up on me, i dont know what to do except take the time i have left and party and do drugs. and we are not ungrateful, we just cant live in this world...

 

[Valky]

I get what you mean, tho I try my best to justify there being a meaning in life and that it can be worth living, it is still hard.

Life itself may be beautiful but we humans absolutely destroyed it. Forced to shove each and everyone of us into a box that is supposed to turn into a working machine only to later on get dumbed somewhere where we HAVE to slowly decay. Life does have so many wonderful possibilities but we turned it into a repetitive path of existence.

We build our own walls and our prison to friendship, relationship and happiness and we will continue to do so as mankind clings to familiarity.


When I was younger I was always wondering if something like a zombie apocalypse could actually happen and I was low-key hoping for it. Just so that something would finally happen.
The only that happened was Corona, so I'd give it a 0/10

 

[outrider567]

Something bad happened......that makes these last long 17 months just an endless mental nightmare