Discussion Do you think you could still be suicidal and yet live to old age?

[Lost Magic]

I was just curious as to how some people on here feel about having no thought out method, maybe too strong a SI and just keep on going for years suffering? I mean, do you think that you might be suicidal all your life and still feel the way you do? I mean there are people who have felt strong Suicidal ideation but kept going into pension age. Some even decide to throw in the towel well into old age as well. Thoughts?

 

[Daisy Chain]

That terrifies me.. but I have thought that could happen. That's the very worst case scenario.

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

I believe it's possible for me, but definitely an undesirable outcome. For me, I'm just too indecisive, overthink everything, and SI is the worst.

It's distressingly easy to picture myself in my 50's, 60's, 70's feeling how I do now simply because I'm awful at taking action. On the bright side, at least then I'll have more options, maybe. Also, I'm deliberately not managing my type 2 diabetes and other health issues, so hopefully one of those will take me out beforehand.

 

[FuneralCry]

The thought of suffering for many more decades and living until old age is absolutely horrifying. However in my case, I am trapped in this world as ctb is so difficult for me. The fear of failure is what holds me back from attempting. It is such an awful situation to be in, and every day I wish to pass away in my sleep.

However I feel like no matter what I will not reach a really old age, I will make sure that I am gone before then. I think that the life expectancy is far too long. In a world with so much suffering there should always be an option of euthanasia.

I think that overall, I would prefer not to think about the future too much. I have so much dread for it. I cannot really imagine myself at an much older age.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Yes. I am approaching what some would consider old age, and I am still here. Unfortunately.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Unfortunately that's my trajectory at this point…

 

[Smart No More]

Unfortunately that's my trajectory at this point…

Same for me. Feel your pain. Can't hurt my loved ones or leave anyone hanging. Circumstances in the meantime might force things forward but with every nudge further towards breaking point I somehow find a little more 'strength' (for want of a better word) to keep me existing. I've always been resilient but this is taking the piss now!

 

[GreenTree]

I think stress will kill me before 60. I haven't got guts to ctb. Been thinking about hell recently and it's scary. Constant horrible thoughts I have. Want then to go but they won't.

 

[DynamicDepression]

Such a concept is... terrifying, to say the least. I'm almost 20, and those years alone have been far too harsh and cruel. I couldn't imagine living even another decade.

 

[Hirokami]

Hell I don't even want to make it to 30 like this, let alone to old age. Unfortunately, that could very well be my reality: living with trauma and SI until I kick the bucket at 80. None of my potential methods are easily available and I'll always be broken.

 

[Hercules]

I hope not. I can't imagine having to live like this for several more decades. I don't even know how I manage to get through the day now.

 

[CyberYogi]

When I was in my 20s, I said by 30. When I was in my 30s, I said by 40, now in my very early 40s...

 

[hankbank3928]

Yes I think about this a lot and it terrifies me. I think for me I'm going to make sure that I execute my ctb plan so I can avoid this.

 

[Hurt]

Definitely no. I don't see myself living after mid 30s. These are probably the last years of my life. My idea of ctb is getting stronger as days pass. I can't believe how my life changed. I try not to think about my past because it makes me sad. Sorry.

 

[Al Cappella]

Absolutely. Some people have chronic ideations that see a reduction in attempts, even to where there are none. This is just my experience, but every time I was convinced I couldn't take anymore, I was wrong. The real tragedy is that the depressed brain is such a goddamned liar. Once that depression is controlled, you look back and can't understand what the fuss was about.

 

[butterfly3]

it literally could happen. at this point i wanna die so bad but i have no access to painless methods like sn, fentanyl, gas, n, nothing. it's such a fear of mine to die a painful death, so i can't drown or jump or anything. the only thing i think i'd be able to tolerate is a stab to the stomach, but si would most def kick in and i wouldn't be able to do it. im just living through everything wanting to die and that could potentially be how im gonna spend the rest of my life - hating myself and my life and wanting to die but not being able to.

 

[Hurt]

Absolutely. Some people have chronic ideations that see a reduction in attempts, even to where there are none. This is just my experience, but every time I was convinced I couldn't take anymore, I was wrong. The real tragedy is that the depressed brain is such a goddamned liar. Once that depression is controlled, you look back and can't understand what the fuss was about.

That happened to me sometimes. There were times when I looked back and I thought "How could I think about ctb" but I am in that dark place again and this time is worse and depression is taking over.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

I wonder how many people pushed on til old age only to be thrown into a care facility where they get abused and are now too weak physically to choose their end,,, That's the stuff of nightmares.

 

[Nlis2244]

No, it's terrifying to even think that. I hope that I will ctb in the next months, but even if I had to wait a couple of years, I am certain that eventually I will. I can't imagine living more than 5 years from now.

 

[lofticries]

Old age is a big reason why I wanna ctb before my freedom is taken away. Fuck dying a slow painful boring death.

 

[motel rooms]

This is just my experience, but every time I was convinced I couldn't take anymore, I was wrong.

Me too, I guess. I'm 41. I'm probably different than most people on here in that I really, really wanna die "only" for a couple of agonizing hours every day. The rest of the time I'm horny (hypersexual disorder) & full of nervous/weird energy. I'm able to work & work out, but it's very easy for me to get lost in fantasies. I often don't remember exactly how I did/wrote something that most folks seem to have to focus pretty hard on, but nobody has ever complained that I'm sloppy & unreliable. I still have the ability to delay my daily mental collapses, but I can't avoid them. My days are really fucking long, I only need about 5 hours of sleep (2+2+1) & my partner needs at least 9. Sleep equals nightmares for me, so I hate it.

What was I talking about, again? No, I don't think I'd be able to live to truly old age/past 70. I don't want to get physically weak & become a burden to my husband. Fuck that shit.

Most SS members probably think that 50 is old age, btw.

 

[alwaysdopesick]

Yes you can, its actually one of my worst nightmares...

 

[WorthlessTrash]

You can, but i absolutely will not let that happen. I plan to be dead long before.

 

[pikku.tiikeri]

It scares me to even think of it. I would like to be gone before I get old. How old is old? I don't know, it varies from person to person. For me, it may be in the 50s, but definitely not over 60. I don't even know if I will last till then.

 

[outrider567]

Well, I'm 67 but feel and look 20 years younger(an easy life plus Genetics)but to your question, the thought of being around this world, with her in the cemetery, for another year, let alone years, is a horror thought to me---Each day is more miserable than the last, each day feels like I'm still in a bad dream, a nightmare that won't end

 

[fillthevoid]

Very possible, and I'm sure this is the reality for many hundreds of thousands of people even if they never admit it to anyone. Very scary thought but probably very very common.

 

[Veraln]

No longer as dysfunctional as I became. I'm shutting down psychically and physically, being dead alive.

 

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

probably if i never find a method but im sure one day id get a gun.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

Me too, I guess. I'm 41. I'm probably different than most people on here in that I really, really wanna die "only" for a couple of agonizing hours every day. The rest of the time I'm horny (hypersexual disorder) & full of nervous/weird energy. I'm able to work & work out, but it's very easy for me to get lost in fantasies. I often don't remember exactly how I did/wrote something that most folks seem to have to focus pretty hard on, but nobody has ever complained that I'm sloppy & unreliable. I still have the ability to delay my daily mental collapses, but I can't avoid them. My days are really fucking long, I only need about 5 hours of sleep (2+2+1) & my partner needs at least 9. Sleep equals nightmares for me, so I hate it.

What was I talking about, again? No, I don't think I'd be able to live to truly old age/past 70. I don't want to get physically weak & become a burden to my husband. Fuck that shit.

Most SS members probably think that 50 is old age, btw.

50 is definitely too old for me. When I hear someone died at 70 and comments are "wow, they died so young". That's a life sentence in North Korea to me haha

 

[Enigmatic Sailor]

If I ever get to the point where my health fails and I'm in constant agonizing pain I would leave this world asap. I don't want to depend on opioids to live a somewhat decent life. They have tests now that can predict dementia years in advance through lumbar fluid which would also set in motion my ctb plans from fear of that disease.