do you think keeping yourself "safe" while you're still living is worth it?

[beolle]

the general idea in the world is that while you're alive, you might as well keep living. and become the most comfortable that is possible at the moment.
but even though i gave myself some time to live (maybe a few years) to complete some necessary stuff, i can't find it in myself to want a nice life.
i indulge in bad relationships, self-harm, substances, general carelessness. all my "self-care" is only there to not upset others.

i joined here because i'm tired of everyone saying that's wrong. what's your view on this? am i entitled to destroy my own life if i can't stand myself?

 

[illvoid]

Personally I try to be safe as far as avoiding further long term suffering goes, but I believe everyone should be able to live their life free of judgement so long as they aren't harming anyone else.

 

[ctb★prince]

the general idea in the world is that while you're alive, you might as well keep living. and become the most comfortable that is possible at the moment.
but even though i gave myself some time to live (maybe a few years) to complete some necessary stuff, i can't find it in myself to want a nice life.
i indulge in bad relationships, self-harm, substances, general carelessness. all my "self-care" is only there to not upset others.

i joined here because i'm tired of everyone saying that's wrong. what's your view on this? am i entitled to destroy my own life if i can't stand myself?

personally i try to keep myself relatively safe and healthy because i want to be the one to take me out, i need to stay in order to be gone, sometimes i loose track of it though and just stop doing anything

i know that its not exactly the right thing to do, but what else are we supposed to do really, we have so little to no strenght left, how are we supposed to be also what keeps us going

 

[Huggs]

I don't engage much with self care but I do try to avoid suffering. I'm already highly uncomfortable with pain day to day and I don't want to make it even worse.

 

[saddestbunny]

while your mindset is understandable and valid and I've experienced it myself, I try nowadays to keep things as good as I can while waiting to ctb because it was making everything worse - I still make decisions along ur same mindset though too. at the end of the day if ur trying to make urself happy that's a valid want

 

[foreverfalling]

Been wondering about this today as well. I try to live my life very safely and have little appetite for risk. But that is because there is no one there to support me, and not doing so will just increase the amount of suffering I have to go through. Having the option to CTB would change that, I would be unshackled and could live more in line with how I would want to. Not allowing CTB is like inflation, making everyone poorer so some people can get richer. It takes away your power over not only your life itself, but how you live it.

If you can give yourself that power over your life, then by all means take it, I'd be happy for you. If you don't like it then throw it away in the most meaningful way to you.

 

[beolle]

Personally I try to be safe as far as avoiding further long term suffering goes, but I believe everyone should be able to live their life free of judgement so long as they aren't harming anyone else.

this is a difficult question tbh - whether i'm harming anyone with this. if i let anyone close they're usually upset / mentally hurt with my behaviors. i don't want them to suffer because of me... but at the same time it feels, idk, morally wrong for me to care for such a burden that i am.

honestly this is a question of choosing the lesser evil and i haven't found the answer yet.

 

[willitpass]

I live recklessly in hopes that something will take me out so I don't have to do it myself. I don't wear sunscreen so if I'm alive in 50 years I'll get skin cancer and let it metastasize. I eat like shit, some days I eat little to nothing, some days I engorge myself in sugary and fatty foods, if I'm going to be suffering on this planet then when I do eat I don't fucking care if it's horrible for my body, let me enjoy it god dammit. Lately I've become ever tempted to stop wearing a seat belt on the freeway. If I were to get in a car accident at 75mph with no seatbelt the likelihood of surviving would be very very slim. I also periodically engage in active self-harm, such as cutting, though I try to save that for the truly insufferable moments so as not to raise suspicion if someone around me were to notice. I've also had a strong urge to be sexually reckless lately, though I have yet to act on it. I've recently made the decision to stop seeing a psychiatrist and have yet to book my yearly physical or dentist appointment. I'm not sure that I care enough to continue wasting doctors time when I have a feeling I will not be around for much longer and I don't take care of myself anyway, why make them try to fix me up.

That being said I still do basic self care, such as daily showers, brushing my teeth, doing my laundry. I work in a job field where not doing those things could get me fired or written up very quickly, and despite all of my anhedonia and apathy towards myself and my existence, my job is one thing that I still enjoy, so losing it (which would also mean losing my financial security), is not something I can risk.

 

[alonely]

i struggle with this even at the most basic level. if im probably just going to ctb, whats the point of even brushing my teeth? not like im going to be around people even so not affecting anyone. just more shit that i dont feel like doing that everyone says you have to do so your teeth dont fall out and you dont get cavaties. but if im dead then none of it matters.

 

[beolle]

I live recklessly in hopes that something will take me out so I don't have to do it myself. I don't wear sunscreen so if I'm alive in 50 years I'll get skin cancer and let it metastasize. I eat like shit, some days I eat little to nothing, some days I engorge myself in sugary and fatty foods, if I'm going to be suffering on this planet then when I do eat I don't fucking care if it's horrible for my body, let me enjoy it god dammit. Lately I've become ever tempted to stop wearing a seat belt on the freeway. If I were to get in a car accident at 75mph with no seatbelt the likelihood of surviving would be very very slim. I also periodically engage in active self-harm, such as cutting, though I try to save that for the truly insufferable moments so as not to raise suspicion if someone around me were to notice. I've also had a strong urge to be sexually reckless lately, though I have yet to act on it. I've recently made the decision to stop seeing a psychiatrist and have yet to book my yearly physical or dentist appointment. I'm not sure that I care enough to continue wasting doctors time when I have a feeling I will not be around for much longer and I don't take care of myself anyway, why make them try to fix me up.

That being said I still do basic self care, such as daily showers, brushing my teeth, doing my laundry. I work in a job field where not doing those things could get me fired or written up very quickly, and despite all of my anhedonia and apathy towards myself and my existence, my job is one thing that I still enjoy, so losing it (which would also mean losing my financial security), is not something I can risk.

yeah, i think i have a somewhat similar approach. i do basic self-care - and i look okay, i go to college, i do the necessary stuff. but doing anything more than that - even watching a good movie or buying a nice meal - is hard. needless to say any big goals or aspirations are out of the picture.
instead, i'm playing the game of "how much can i destroy myself while still looking fine".

i struggle with this even at the most basic level. if im probably just going to ctb, whats the point of even brushing my teeth? not like im going to be around people even so not affecting anyone. just more shit that i dont feel like doing that everyone says you have to do so your teeth dont fall out and you dont get cavaties. but if im dead then none of it matters.

that's very understandable, too. it's just the point of such basic things - to most people - is living longer and healthier. and it's hard to make yourself do them when it's not your goal at all.