H
Hope:-)
Enlightened
- Jul 3, 2022
- 1,120
Anyone enjoying their last weeks or enjoying them somewhat? What are you up to? x
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I don't know but I really hope I can enjoy them. Theres a timer in my head and it's ticking. I just think all day about my ctb..Anyone enjoying their last weeks or enjoying them somewhat? What are you up to? x
I just loved to read your text!! It gives me hope and confidence for my plan. Thank you for that and your apartment looks too nice.I believe so. I have taken sick leave from work with no need to return before I plan to CTB so have a lot of time on my hands currently.
Over the weekend I spent time with my family and had a wonderful time. Stings like a motherfucker knowing that I know it'll be the last time I saw them and I've had to lie to their faces telling them I will be fine, but the last memories they'll have of me should at least be of help to them after I go.
I have no need for money any more, no need to worry about my weight so I can order any food I'd like and not have to worry about menial tasks such as cooking. I can buy anything I want, not that there would be much point given I'll be gone in a few days. I'm waiting on a pizza right now and then will be video calling a friend, and I'm going to watch one of my favourite movies later tonight. Maybe Into The Spiderverse, The Thing or Princess Mononoke. That decision literally feels like the hardest part of my life right now.
The next few days will be more difficult as it's when I've got planned to write my goodbye letters. My plan is to take a bunch of stims and write out my final goodbyes. I'm sure I will be fine though.
Oh, and there's that too. I'm on enough drugs right now to the point that I'm in a permanent chemically induced state of bliss. I take a benzo in the morning, I've got enough weed to last me way beyond my departure date and a shop right next to my flat for all my alcoholic needs. I'm tempted to even take one final acid trip before I go, that'll be one hell of a party to send me off.
The other tasks on my final to do lists are very menial and not stress worthy. Closing accounts, throwing things away, that kind of stuff.
I'll probably be shitting myself scared come the weekend, but for now, I'd say it's entirely possible to enjoy things. I'm sure I'll be vocal enough here on the forum about what those weekend final days will be like, so keep an eye out.
Take a look at this too. I redecorated my flat last night and made it into a super comfy little space. My bedroom is the same with the lighting scheme, fairy lights, etc.
This is where I'm going to cross the bridge. Doesn't it look pretty? It's hard to be scared about when I die knowing I'll be fading into unconsciosness where this is my surroundings.
View attachment 98963
Maybe I'll start enjoying myself when what I need to ctb arrives but until then it's just been pretty shittyAnyone enjoying their last weeks or enjoying them somewhat? What are you up to? x
I don't enjoy anythingAnyone enjoying their last weeks or enjoying them somewhat? What are you up to? x
Quite colorfulI believe so. I have taken sick leave from work with no need to return before I plan to CTB so have a lot of time on my hands currently.
Over the weekend I spent time with my family and had a wonderful time. Stings like a motherfucker knowing that I know it'll be the last time I saw them and I've had to lie to their faces telling them I will be fine, but the last memories they'll have of me should at least be of help to them after I go.
I have no need for money any more, no need to worry about my weight so I can order any food I'd like and not have to worry about menial tasks such as cooking. I can buy anything I want, not that there would be much point given I'll be gone in a few days. I'm waiting on a pizza right now and then will be video calling a friend, and I'm going to watch one of my favourite movies later tonight. Maybe Into The Spiderverse, The Thing or Princess Mononoke. That decision literally feels like the hardest part of my life right now.
The next few days will be more difficult as it's when I've got planned to write my goodbye letters. My plan is to take a bunch of stims and write out my final goodbyes. I'm sure I will be fine though.
Oh, and there's that too. I'm on enough drugs right now to the point that I'm in a permanent chemically induced state of bliss. I take a benzo in the morning, I've got enough weed to last me way beyond my departure date and a shop right next to my flat for all my alcoholic needs. I'm tempted to even take one final acid trip before I go, that'll be one hell of a party to send me off.
The other tasks on my final to do lists are very menial and not stress worthy. Closing accounts, throwing things away, that kind of stuff.
I'll probably be shitting myself scared come the weekend, but for now, I'd say it's entirely possible to enjoy things. I'm sure I'll be vocal enough here on the forum about what those weekend final days will be like, so keep an eye out.
Take a look at this too. I redecorated my flat last night and made it into a super comfy little space. My bedroom is the same with the lighting scheme, fairy lights, etc.
This is where I'm going to cross the bridge. Doesn't it look pretty? It's hard to be scared about when I die knowing I'll be fading into unconsciosness where this is my surroundings.
View attachment 98963