Discussion Do you think if you had a better upbringing & opportunities, you would still be suicidal?

[gardenofaphrodite]

I want to hear other's experiences.

To cut mine short, I think if I wasn't denied a relationship with my father & my aunts, I would have never ended up with the life I live now. I think I would have had a much better life in general, filled with opportunity & would have received proper emotional support & opportunities for education. I wouldn't have dealt with being parentified at such an early age, nor deal with the mental & emotional abuse my mother throws at me on-a-daily.

 

[JensenX]

I didn't have a great family life and my father died when I was young. I do not blame my past life or family for my current predicament. In fact, I think my life until the last few years has been good. Where I am now is entirely my own fault. I missed a lot of opportunities due to bad decisions. Own it - don't blame others. The other people that you choose to blame are probably stressed out enough with their own lives.

 

[clavicals]

I mean yeah. Being deliberately stunted developmentally by your own mother, the person who's supposed to show you the world isn't a scary place but they would rather use you for their own personal gain fucked me up and how I now view the world.
Been in therapy for 10 years trying to undo all the fucking damage. Relearning the shit you're meant to understand at like 8 years old as an adult definitely puts you at a disadvantage amongst your peers.
I have some amazing qualities, if they were nurtured I would have been great. Instead I've lived in survival mode and now I'm learning how to not do that while while also balance safety. Fuck this shit man it's so confusing.

I'm tired, fucking tired. I wish I had the opportunities other kids had. Simple shit, like being able to make friends without their mums getting jealous and trying to sabotage their relationships.

 

[gardenofaphrodite]

I mean yeah. Being deliberately stunted developmentally by your own mother, the person who's supposed to show you the world isn't a scary place but they would rather use you for their own personal gain fucked me up and how I now view the world.
Been in therapy for 10 years trying to undo all the fucking damage. Relearning the shit you're meant to understand at like 8 years old as an adult definitely puts you at a disadvantage amongst your peers.
I have some amazing qualities, if they were nurtured I would have been great. Instead I've lived in survival mode and now I'm learning how to not do that while while also balance safety. Fuck this shit man it's so confusing.

I'm tired, fucking tired. I wish I had the opportunities other kids had. Simple shit, like being able to make friends without their mums getting jealous and trying to sabotage their relationships.

It's an awful feeling. I feel the same. I know I would have been smarter, I would have done well on college - instead I was ripped away from those opportunities, deliberately. I think about it a lot. I hope the next generation of kids have better parents, who treat them better & properly provide for them, no only physically, but emotionally & mentally as well.

 

[Ashu]

Well, but that would be a completely different life and a completely different person. So who knows.

 

[gardenofaphrodite]

Well, but that would be a completely different life and a completely different person. So who knows.

True but I feel that's the point. Personally, I wouldn't be dealing with all the trauma I have now, nor the emotional or financial instability I'm dealing with. If I were with my dad - who I was taken from - I would be in a whole other state, not in the one now, with better job opportunities, emotional & financial stability, good education & opportunities for college & good career choices. I wish I was that other person I could have been. I was denied that by my lying mother. I would go into detail but it's very complicated.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I want to hear other's experiences.

To cut mine short, I think if I wasn't denied a relationship with my father & my aunts, I would have never ended up with the life I live now. I think I would have had a much better life in general, filled with opportunity & would have received proper emotional support & opportunities for education. I wouldn't have dealt with being parentified at such an early age, nor deal with the mental & emotional abuse my mother throws at me on-a-daily.

I don't know if I can find the right words but I do my best. It seems you did not have a great childhood, you missed a relationship with a part of your family especially your father. A good relationship between father / mother / child is so important as the core-family. Such things and ofc many others leave marks for a life time in children, when they are not fulfilled for the one or the other reason.

I'm really sorry that you were not blessed with a good childhood, this makes me so sad and it seems to happen so often when people reach this community. We can only do our best to help you out of your situation you trapped in now. I wish you all the best!

In regards to the topic: I had a good childhood, good opportunities and everything throught my life was good, until a few years ago when everything turned against me, and life finally brought me here. CTB was always and will always be a legal option for me under certain circumstances.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

no i dont think so the concept of living itself is just awful life is designed to suck ass

 

[Praestat_Mori]

no i dont think so the concept of living itself is just awful life is designed to suck ass

I read that so many times here rather isn't it the society we are born into? The way we have to live nowadays has absolutely nothing in common with the way humans used to live for milliones of years until only the last 50 years. We 're doomed to stare on phones, watches, screens, sit in chairs 24/7 .... humans are made to wander around through nature, like animals are still doing it today, as good as they can. Perhaps this is the cause of so much mental illness in our society.

 

[Dot]

Own it - don't blame others. The other people that you choose to blame are probably stressed out enough with their own lives.

Pls remmbr tht evry1 hs thr own xpernces & = nt alwys tht smple

 

[bladerunner6]

I read that so many times here rather isn't it the society we are born into? The way we have to live nowadays has absolutely nothing in common with the way humans used to live for milliones of years until only the last 50 years. We 're doomed to stare on phones, watches, screens, sit in chairs 24/7 .... humans are made to wander around through nature, like animals are still doing it today, as good as they can. Perhaps this is the cause of so much mental illness in our society.

millions of years? humans exist since about 200k years…

 

[Praestat_Mori]

millions of years? humans exist since about 200k years…

I also include the very early human beings. Anyway whether it is 200k years, or 1 million years, the changes that happend within the last 50 years do not euqual the changes that happened in the last 200k years. They were far too rapid. That was what I wanted to say.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

I read that so many times here rather isn't it the society we are born into? The way we have to live nowadays has absolutely nothing in common with the way humans used to live for milliones of years until only the last 50 years. We 're doomed to stare on phones, watches, screens, sit in chairs 24/7 .... humans are made to wander around through nature, like animals are still doing it today, as good as they can. Perhaps this is the cause of so much mental illness in our society.

might be. idk maybe youre onto something

 

[captive]

I read that so many times here rather isn't it the society we are born into? The way we have to live nowadays has absolutely nothing in common with the way humans used to live for milliones of years until only the last 50 years. We 're doomed to stare on phones, watches, screens, sit in chairs 24/7 .... humans are made to wander around through nature, like animals are still doing it today, as good as they can. Perhaps this is the cause of so much mental illness in our society.

yeah, not so long ago our sleep schedule was biphasic which is more effective and better than monophasic. biphasic schedule is when you rest 5-6 hours at night and take a 1-2 hour nap at day. we are meant to sleep like this, but modern life just enforces us to have ineffective sleep. i don't think it's the main reason of decreased happiness among the population, but it still does matter. our sleeping time is also not governed by the sun, but by clock which doesn't adapt to an actual position of our star when seasons change

 

[Forever Sleep]

I very possibly would have had a very different life if things hadn't gone so wrong so early on. My Mum died when I was 3, Grandpa aged 4, Nana aged 10. Even then, I had love around me- so- I may have been ok. Then, my Dad remarried and I'm convinced one of my new family members was a narcissist. That's when things took a nose dive. I became suicidal aged 10 and those feelings have never left.

I took on perhaps slightly unhealthy coping methods- an obsession with art and eating. Not exactly unhealthy on the face of it- could have been WAY worse of course. But I just buried myself in it.

Not sure if I can directly BLAME what has followed on all that but it hasn't helped. I'd say I have or have had: limerance, a crushing lack of self confidence, (mild-moderate) social anxiety, a compulsion to either over eat or follow a ridiculously strict diet- so- likely borderline eating disorders and likely mild-moderate depression most of my life.

It's strange because life now isn't anywhere near as bad as it was back then. I really felt in utter despair and desperation at some points. I can't exactly say my motives to want to CTB are the same as back then. Still- all that stuff makes us who we are I suppose. It can severly limit us in life if we aren't willing to do what it takes to heal- if we even can heal that is- rather than keep slapping bandaids over it. Plus- you don't even know how to heal when you are a kid. You are at the mercy of other people noticing and doing something about it. I'm not so sure people with the REALLY bad childhoods can even heal. I just feel horrified by some of the stories here. Mine hasn't been as bad- but it felt dreadful at the time.

 

[mkmk_1]

I doubt it. My desire to die comes from disappointment in life. The very best I could imagine my life being now that I am older pales in comparison to the expectations I had for life before reality slapped me sideways and forced me to grow up.

 

[Flailure 513282]

Honestly I've had a very good upbringing. My family have always been very good to me. I'm just a fundamentally awful person who the world would be better off without. I don't think anything could have changed that.

 

[ikadasui]

Yup. So long as I'm in this body with my current familial ties I have no future I want. if you can't be at peace in your own skin you'll find no peace anywhere

 

[murmur]

Yes, I rather not have the facilities of a human, especially in this time period

 

[iceteadrinker]

being suicidal or not being it depends on the life that you live, if you are happy why would you be suicidal? i don't know, i wouldn't be personally.

 

[Bigsmoke777]

I think my life may or may not have been better. If it had been better I could have lived a little longer, but its how I am completely that I gotta go. So no. I think it was always a matter of time with me. Too many mental issues I cant blame on anyone. I'd have to genuinely be an entirely different person to have made it. My first memories were crying about being alive. I self harmed and wanted to die in elementary school. I'm just defective, and deep down I always knew it

 

[SetMeFree11]

Absolutly.
I was sexualy exploided by a family member as a child which trigeted my suicidel thoughts. Bullied at school and sometimes by my parents.
I'm 39 and after years of therpy only in the last two years began dating and as a result romantic reshionship skills are a train wreck.

 

[ManchildLoser]

I hate myself and everyday i wish i was someone else.
If i could be reborn, i would choose to have healthy mature parents ( around the age of 25 to 30) with good genetics, and i would like to NOT be nerdy or ugly or autistic. I would like to be naturraly good with social interactions and have lots of friends, enjoying life in my 20s like you are supposed to.
Also not have any health problems like bad eyesight or a deformed feet.
And i would pursue a carreer that makes lots of money because money gives power and social status, and women today love that, which means you can have relationship experiences. Then after i find a good wife i could have a big house and kids, and be happy until i die.

Yeah that's the dream life that i will never have, its too late anyway.

 

[CellarBoy]

One of my biggest issues is the lack of family. I lost my father at 14, and mother at 15,, and I feel that was what really pushed me over the edge. Maybe if they had stuck around and been in my life a bit before the they died, I would be a little bit less depressed or suicidal, but it's completely speculation. For all that I know, I might have still been this way, even with a close, loving family. This was possibly my destiny, and I'm only living the way that I was meant to. It is what it is, it's already played out, now I've just got to wait for my due date.

 

[SpiderLink]

I want to hear other's experiences.

To cut mine short, I think if I wasn't denied a relationship with my father & my aunts, I would have never ended up with the life I live now. I think I would have had a much better life in general, filled with opportunity & would have received proper emotional support & opportunities for education. I wouldn't have dealt with being parentified at such an early age, nor deal with the mental & emotional abuse my mother throws at me on-a-daily.

i dont think so, for me.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

If I had been neurotypical I probably wouldn't be suicidal, or at least probably wouldn't ever come this close to it. I wouldn't have to put up with my mother too.

 

[FrostedHoax]

If it weren't for my mental problems and social difficulties, I might just be living a "normal" life and not have to suffer constant thoughts of ctb. I have a feeling, though, that even if my entire upbringing and experiences were a little different, I'd still at least have occasional thoughts of needing to leave this world.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Let me describe my parents parenting style and general attitude towards me in a story. I was generally just ostracized in my family growing up. I was the victim of a crime while in medical school... Despite being wealthy couldn't be bothered to do anything. My aunt is a social worker and her way of trying to help was sending me inspirational Christian rap songs every couple of weeks. Totally fixed everything.

When I was maybe 14 or 15 for what I heavily assume was an incredibly minor infraction... Only because I never did anything bad in high school. They threatened to send me to my mom's cousin who was a foster parent. When I said that's what I wanted they told me I would be sodomized everyday so they could get the big win of scaring me by the at risk youth she takes in. I've said before and I'll say it again my biggest regret is not dropping out of high school and emancipating myself/cutting myself off from my family.

 

[MidnightGloom]

My family is very manipulative and constantly tried to push me into doing things I was uncomfortable with. They're also very conservative, argue all of the time, blatantly speak against the things I stand for, and are against a group that I'm apart of. While I believe that a better upbringing would've made me more comfortable with myself, with life, and with the people around me, I doubt it could've prevented my suicidal thoughts. Still, if I had the chance to be reborn as someone with great parents, great life, and great everything (I guess) then I'd take that chance immediately. That, at least, would keep me alive longer.

 

[Haruka]

I don't think so. My Mum passed away due to my father's actions - his own infidelity. Maybe he if never cheated then she'd still be alive and healthy today, hence having a different upbringing... but I don't know if that counts. My life was always going to turn out this way. I've never had a solid group of friends nor did I have many friends in school - I used to hang around with one of the lunch ladies when I was in primary school - so I've always been introverted and quiet, so that would have never changed. I just wish my father never did what he did. I just wish sometimes that I'd never have to see him again - he's a horrible person who mentally abuses everybody for his own game. He made my life miserable, so if he was a better person maybe my life would have been much better.