Do you think about your dead body just after ctb?

[niiina]

It's not voluntary, it just appears on my mind all the time, I see myself hanged with the same contorted expression people that hanged themselves I've seen in pictures have. I feel nothing but compassion for that girl with her feet a meter from the ground.
I don't believe in god but if there's one I hope he looks at me the same compassionated way.

 

[phantomisgone]

Yeah. I know how I'm going to look when I'm found. Plan to take SN.

I'm going to be on my bed with the blanket over me and my laptop is going to be opened with a show running, or just dead. No one is going to check up on me until about a week because I work jobs on my campus. They are going to wonder what happened to me and run a wellness check on me.

They'll enter my room and smell death. See my body turned blue, dark, decayed, and rancid. There might even be flies all over me.

 

[FuneralCry]

Everybody has to die somewhere, someday. It's inevitable, our only true fate as humans is to die. I don't think about this as it simply isn't my concern. I won't be there at that point and the dead are incapable of caring about anything.

 

[A simple aid]

Yeah. I know how I'm going to look when I'm found. Plan to take SN.

I'm going to be on my bed with the blanket over me and my laptop is going to be opened with a show running, or just dead. No one is going to check up on me until about a week because I work jobs on my campus. They are going to wonder what happened to me and run a wellness check on me.

They'll enter my room and smell death. See my body turned blue, dark, decayed, and rancid. There might even be flies all over me.

wooow crazy legacy to leave behind

Everybody has to die somewhere, someday. It's inevitable, our only true fate as humans is to die. I don't think about this as it simply isn't my concern. I won't be there at that point and the dead are incapable of caring about anything.

may want to check this out if you have time ......might make things look better or not..... https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ative-before-the-seemingly-inevitable.103082/

 

[wiltedLotus]

Yeah, I've been thinking about that a lot…I'm going out by water so I keep thinking about what will happen to my body (I've done research) and if it will ever be found and if so it probably won't even be recognizable. But I guess that won't be 'me' anymore, just a shell I'm leaving behind….so it doesn't really matter. Makes me sad to think of myself at 15 watching 'The Hours' and getting the idea, then fast forward to me now all these years later actually about to employ that method…life can be hella cruel.

 

[lemonhoney]

Yeah, way too much. This is what scared me about SN. I cared so much about my looks so it pains me to think about if/when my parents or sister will find me, blue and dead. Still holding out for any sign of N returning..,I want to look like I'm sleeping.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yep. I have a really embarrassing facial hair problem and I know the skin draws back after death- making it appear like your hair and nails keep growing. SO stupid but that has always bothered me!

Also, just the logistics of it I feel bad about- the poor sods who have to remove the body. I once considered doing it in the garage for ease of access- still- I guess that means more flies.

Really though- I want to be comfortable. Thought if I lie on a thick polythene sheet, they can just pull that off the bed and onto a gurney. Still, I often picture how they will have to move that through the house. Feel bad because I've gained a lot of weight recently too. Still- none of this shit would be necessary if they only allowed assisted suicide.

The other thing is- when to alert authorities via delayed email. Feel like it needs to be long enough for the attempt to have succeeded but not so long that decomposition has really set in. Thought about googling it but then thought how suspicious it would look! I thought 48hrs sounded about right. Any thoughts?

Your language about feeling compassion towards your CTB self hit home. I think we can 'see' ourselves like this and feel sad for our fucked up lives.

 

[Gray Wounds]

I only care to have my body clean as fuck before I do it. Compliments to the chef (embalmer).