Help Do You Think About Dying All The Time?

[billie]

24/7

 

[itsneverbeenmoreove]

Kind of? Honestly it's been too exhausting to think about it constantly. And ultimately, just thinking about it doesn't accomplish shit for me. I'm either going to do it and be happy or I'm not going to do it and be sad. Or something like that.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

Every day.

 

[F@#$]

I don't need to say anything, everyone else said it all for me.

 

[fleetingnight]

Not the whole time I've been suicidal, but for around a year now, pretty much yeah

 

[jbear824]

Everyday for the past almost 27 years. It's all I want.

 

[AtomicWaffles]

When I'm not in a manic phase pretty much yea 24/7

 

[InAgony]

I'm constantly thinking about it.

 

[MarkSmith73]

The only time I'm not thinking about kms is when I sleep, my dreams are somehow protected from my conscious mind and I feel normal for about 5-10 minutes until I wake up, then comes the dreadful feeling that I'm still alive and wishing I was dead.

It then gets worse because my mind can only think of how pointless and stupid this world is and that things will never get better so I'm better off killing myself than suffering any longer.

I have no peaceful methods available to me right now and also fear any attempt failing, so I feel I'll be stuck like this until something else kills me which could mean another 50+ years on this planet.

Trust me I know what you're going through. Sleep is the greatest relief for me and waking up to a difficult reality can definitely be painful and jarring. The only truly peaceful way to go is through overdose of controlled substances, sodium nitrite, or barbituates. Life is very hard and full of pain and suffering but it isn't pointless. We have to go through this agony to truly learn. One hard reality is we're truly cut off from God and the other side on this earth but a beautiful future awaits us. This life is just a learning experience and things will eventually get much easier.

 

[YosemiteGrrl]

I am unable to do any of those things

Same

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Every time I get hit again. My ASD only makes it worse, it is mostly unbearable. Only my sweet cats keep me going.

 

[itsneverbeenmoreove]

Every time I get hit again. My ASD only makes it worse, it is mostly unbearable. Only my sweet cats keep me going.

Sometimes I resent my cats for how happy they make me.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Every moment, doesn't matter what I am doing. I keep thinking about methods, and thinking how to get the holy grail. I don't enjoy anything at all, I just want to die.

I relate to this so much. Especially your last sentence

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Sometimes I resent my cats for how happy they make me.

There is nothing to resent in them though - we are forever responsible for those who we tamed.
Cats never betray.

 

[outrider567]

Yes

 

[divinemistress36]

All the time . Most people think about family, work, relationships,sex ect where im just thinking about death all the time

 

[lizzywizzy09]

All the time . Most people think about family, work, relationships,sex ect where im just thinking about death all the time

This. I wish I were in a position to think of any of these other things but that ship has sailed.

 

[divinemistress36]

This. I wish I were in a position to think of any of these other things but that ship has sailed.

Same. Like having normal people problems

 

[Saturn_]

I used to not be like this because I had such unrealistic optimism regarding the future. Now that I've shed this complete delusion, I think about my suicide every hour of every day.

 

[Papa Shinai]

Yeah, I just wanna die, I wish I wasn't born ever, existing is such an unfavorable position to be into. I literally wanna vanish into thin air. I can't stop thinking about suicide and find myself how I would write my suicide note in my mind.

 

[attheend13]

The only time I'm not thinking about kms is when I sleep, my dreams are somehow protected from my conscious mind and I feel normal for about 5-10 minutes until I wake up, then comes the dreadful feeling that I'm still alive and wishing I was dead.

It then gets worse because my mind can only think of how pointless and stupid this world is and that things will never get better so I'm better off killing myself than suffering any longer.

I have no peaceful methods available to me right now and also fear any attempt failing, so I feel I'll be stuck like this until something else kills me which could mean another 50+ years on this planet.

I am right there with you. Metaphorically. The pure torture of thinking of CBT relentlessly is almost the reason to do it. There is this moment when I wake up before the pain and reality kicks in when I feel normal. Then I wake up fully. And it starts again, get busy,try to out run it, break down, clean up, get busy, freeze freeze freeze. Lose the battle, obsess about CBT, go out on the balcony and consider it. Guilt guilt guilt and fear, of what? How could dying feel worse than living? How could anything be worse than living. So I hear you. No more suffering. "Leave tonight or live and die this way". I can't give you hope I have none but you're heard. And I understood. Little solace in that I suppose.

Sometimes I resent my cats for how happy they make me.

I identify with that. More like I resent how much they love me. It obligates me.

 

[Catch-22]

Unfortunately all I can do is think about dying unless I am sleeping. I'm at the point I cannot listen to music or even watch TV because my depression is so severe. I feel almost catatonic.. it is horrible

 

[MarkSmith73]

I relate to this so much. Especially your last sentence

Unfortunately all I can do is think about dying unless I am sleeping. I'm at the point I cannot listen to music or even watch TV because my depression is so severe. I feel almost catatonic.. it is horrible

Sleeping is a great relief from the pain of this life and I take a number of sleeping pills at night and drink during the day which numbs things a lot. My greatest wish is to go back into the past knowing what I know now. It's really hard being stuck in the present where I'm broke and don't feel as good physically as when I was younger. I get what you're saying about music and TV but this song here is my personal favorite since the late 80s or so. It's just so relatable to how I feel.

 

[Kurai]

Death is constantly in my mind I want to die so bad :(

 

[MarkSmith73]

Death is constantly in my mind I want to die so bad :(

I get what you're saying. Life is super hard and death will be beautiful. Knowing this fact makes it easier for me to hang on. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[Catch-22]

Sleeping is a great relief from the pain of this life and I take a number of sleeping pills at night and drink during the day which numbs things a lot. My greatest wish is to go back into the past knowing what I know now. It's really hard being stuck in the present where I'm broke and don't feel as good physically as when I was younger. I get what you're saying about music and TV but this song here is my personal favorite since the late 80s or so. It's just so relatable to how I feel.

Thank you for the song. I also take several things for sleep at night which would probably knock out anyone but it really does anything for me. Unfortunately my body is in a state of fight or flight. Yes I wish I could go back if I new then what I know now. If I could go back decades ago and not move into a house that ended up destroying me within a few months and then I was too sick to ever leave. Long story but yes I wish I could go back. Honestly I would have CTB if I would have known 10% of the things would have happened to me living in this cursed house that I live in but not by choice. It's here or the streets

 

[MarkSmith73]

Thank you for the song. I also take several things for sleep at night which would probably knock out anyone but it really does anything for me. Unfortunately my body is in a state of fight or flight. Yes I wish I could go back if I new then what I know now. If I could go back decades ago and not move into a house that ended up destroying me within a few months and then I was too sick to ever leave. Long story but yes I wish I could go back. Honestly I would have CTB if I would have known 10% of the things would have happened to me living in this cursed house that I live in but not by choice. It's here or the streets

I understand what you're going through. We're stuck in difficult circumstances from decisions we made years ago. Some things were just out of our control but I only have myself to blame for others. Fortunately I have a place to live but there are no guarantees for the future. The things that were possible years ago no longer are anymore. I wish you didn't have to suffer for that decision you made to move into that home years ago. Sadly there are no second chances. We just try to make the best of what we have now. My dad used to say when I was a kid "If I only knew then what I know now." Now I know how true that is. The future will ultimately be bright and one day we'll wake up in a much happier place.

 

[JKFleck]

**YES**

 

[Otaku]

Not 24/7.
But it has become a part of my life the last couple of years.
Some days and some hours are worse than others.

 

[Felodese]

More or less, yeah. Not always actively, but it's always there.