Discussion Do you tell people you know that you're suicidal?

[tiokapaws]

I love talking. Alot. And sometimes I wonder if it's possible for me to ever shut up, because every detail about my life or just life in general that I notice, I'm blurting it out to everyone.

Yet funnily enough, my suicidality is one of those things where next-to nobody knows about me except my family members, but even then they all assume it was a thing of the past when I was younger. It's a weird secret to have tbh.

Irl, the only person who knows I'm currently suicidal is my older sibling, and even then I haven't told them the full extent lmao.

Its embarassing to say but I literally feel like the stereotype of the happy go lucky characters in media who go on to kill themselves since I'm always getting told how oddly positive, full of life and cheerful I am. Like wait till y'all see my big surprise

So what about you guys? Do you tell your family, friends or colleagues about this stuff (especially if it comes up in conversation, like them actively discussing suicide/one thats happened, or pehaps asking where you've been if you went MIA because of it) or no?

 

[Dot]

Evry1 in slf circl knws

 

[DeadManLiving]

Few outside of the very fewest

 

[thelostautistic]

I used to when I was under mental health services but I've learnt that there is no point reaching out anymore. Cause realistically what can they do? Professionals are just as desensitised to suicide as I am.

 

[tiokapaws]

I used to when I was under mental health services but I've learnt that there is no point reaching out anymore. Cause realistically what can they do? Professionals are just as desensitised to suicide as I am.

True Like alot of the times you'll tell them and unless the bullet has already gone thru ur head they dgaf

 

[itsgone2]

No. Our work environment is so awful and I make comments about jumping or other things at times. I think people know I might not be fully joking. But what can they do

 

[scary]

the few times i've tried to talk about my problems i've been immediately dismissed and shut down. Talking about suicide to my family would be, well, social suicide. They already know im weird but I feel like if I was honest about my suicidality they wouldn't really care or take me seriously anyway. I do sometimes wish I could but the stuff i'm going through is just unfixable no matter how much i potentially spill my guts to my loved ones

 

[xXSufferingXx]

it's like talking to police, same thing with shrinks. they'll send you to the nuthouse and then your life is even worse than before.
one time i extremely vaguely hinted at suicidal thoughts to a family member, real real vague (thank god i kept it vague).
but in real life i have been blessed enough to actually have met someone who was also suicidal, so we could talk about it freely.
extremely liberating to be able to speak freely about it because this person i met was also suicidal.

 

[Yogih212]

I promised myself I wouldn't tell anyone so they couldn't stop me in case I would plan to CTB. My pain and suffering got so bad I told 2 very dear loved ones about these thoughts. They don't belief I would ever act on it, which I understand considering who I am as a person, which makes me feel a bit more at ease I suppose, but they know I am heavily suicidal. Nothing is stopping me from CTBing other than not having my AE yet. I really need that for the SN. I got neurological issues that have caused delayed gastric emptying, hopefully I'll get the medicine soon. Could CTB, if it is willed for me in one of these coming days.

I love talking. Alot. And sometimes I wonder if it's possible for me to ever shut up, because every detail about my life or just life in general that I notice, I'm blurting it out to everyone.

Yet funnily enough, my suicidality is one of those things where next-to nobody knows about me except my family members, but even then they all assume it was a thing of the past when I was younger. It's a weird secret to have tbh.

Irl, the only person who knows I'm currently suicidal is my older sibling, and even then I haven't told them the full extent lmao.

Its embarassing to say but I literally feel like the stereotype of the happy go lucky characters in media who go on to kill themselves since I'm always getting told how oddly positive, full of life and cheerful I am. Like wait till y'all see my big surprise

So what about you guys? Do you tell your family, friends or colleagues about this stuff (especially if it comes up in conversation, like them actively discussing suicide/one thats happened, or pehaps asking where you've been if you went MIA because of it) or no?

I used to be just like you before I got Ill, also very happy go lucky so that's why no one would ever except someone like that to suicide.

 

[nitrogenous]

I do… Partially because I'm a bad liar (if it's with medical professionals or if anyone asks) and another part is hoping that eventually someone will actually care and understand what I'm going through while maintaining the friendship (so having boundaries still about how much I share but at the very least people know I have some sort of chronic health condition).

 

[lawlietsph]

Yes, and it's always interesting to observe the responses:

1. DON'T SAY SUCH A STUPID THING! [proceeds to talk about himself/herself]
2. ...yeah anyway, so [proceeds to talk about himself/herself]
3. And what do you want me to say to that? [proceeds to talk about himself/herself]
4. Yeah i'm feeling like shit too, [proceeds to talk about himself/herself]

 

[Afterglow]

I told one person once. She was the only person who ever really knew the real me (outside of the lovely people I've met here of course).

I thought being honest with her was the right thing to do. I trusted her with things I'd never told anyone else.

It didn't end well. After that, I kind of learned that once people see that part of you, things change. They either get scared and their worry ruins their own mental health, or they leave.

So I don't really tell people anymore. It feels safer to keep it on the inside.

 

[Winry]

My family knew when I was younger due to multiple attempts in my teen years, but they think I'm better now and working on my mental health. My husband is the only person who knows I'm actively suicidal, and I'm gonna keep it that way until the end. He only knows because he's supportive of me choosing my own end if my mental health gets too hard to deal with. With other people it makes no sense to tell them because it won't get me anywhere. I'm not looking for help or to be saved, so why mention it is my personal opinion.

 

[May16th]

Yeah, but they don't believe me or in the case of my dad, he simply doesn't seems to care at all.

 

[fightclub17]

I told two doctors and a psychologist as my last cries for help. They did nothing - I attempted, survived and was hospitalised. They don't really do anything there to help. My friends and family have ostracised me since my attempt. So I'll never trust another person can help. Telling them will only make me feel judged and I'll be put me on a psych hold - I will just do it (again).

 

[bakenohana]

pretty much all of my friends know im suicidal and to my main friend group i often outright say "i need to do this before i die", i make no effort to hide the fact i want to die from any of my friends. I tend to humourise it though because it feels really corny talking about it unless i joke and also to avoid being pitied and given lectures about the 'beauties of life' or whatever. One of my friend groups i talk to less often supports me completely and my main friend group I'm not sure if they all support me or not but they don't mind my jokes so I dont really care whether they think my suicide is okay. I know one of them for sure is against it but I really could not care less if they want me to live. besides my friends I'm also very open with my family and i often make similar jokes and references with them, though less often since its family and they sometimes act like its the end of the world because i made a slight joke . (all of my friends are online so im not afraid of them trying to call the cops..my parents probably would but I have a plan anyways)

i actually really love talking about suicide i feel like i would be in a much worse place if my suicidality was not tolerated by people. because it is a massive part of me and I want to be able to mention it without people acting like i just said the most taboo thing ever. I tend to not befriend people who can't handle it without freaking out. I never tell anyone the fullest extent and usually just leave it at surface level jokes but just being able to do that means so much to me. tho obviously I wouldn't tell a professional if i ever had to talk to one.

 

[tiokapaws]

It didn't end well. After that, I kind of learned that once people see that part of you, things change. They either get scared and their worry ruins their own mental health, or they leave.

So I don't really tell people anymore. It feels safer to keep it on the inside.

I agree. It changes things and so far in my experience as well, it's only ever been for the worse, which kinda sucks.

 

[iamveryoriginal]

I have discussed ideation with others, but I have never outright confessed to having a plan and intent because I don't want to burden others nor do I currently trust someone to learn that uhh fun fact about me and not take action

 

[aesthetic]

why should i? nobody cares anyway.

 

[Snailey]

I talked about Ideations with a friend of mine and it was literally just "Idk i've never experienced that. good luck tho".

Very fun.

 

[meowme0w]

I joke about it a lot, and my first reaction to every tiny inconvenience is saying "I'm gonna kms", but I don't think people realise I'm serious lololol (Not that I'd kms over a super tiny inconvenience but yeah)

A few friends do know I'm actually suicidal, but I don't think they know how serious it is either, because of how casually I've talked about it in the past. I can only joke about that stuff lol

I've only ever 'seriously' discussed this stuff with one friend and that's because they were also suicidal. The conversations weren't that serious in nature, but we did talk honestly about it, just very casually. We both knew we were fully serious even if the mood was lighthearted

 

[purebliss]

I always try to masquerade as much as I can.
Trying to let out the "happy, joking" me to not be too obvious with it.

While I do talk with some tighter friends about my mental issues I don't let them know how far I even am in all of this and how close I already am to true salvation.

I do joke quite a lot about sc jokes and that might be a subtle cry for help to some degree, but what I want the least is to bother someone else with my issues. I much rather flee then putting someone else into my position.

 

[vinicuit]

when i was younger my parents found out i was suicidal by reading my journal without my consent, it was a terrible experience for a teenager. they treated me with fear and got mad at me for it, they wanted me to talk about how i was feeling and why i was depressed, but i couldn't, i couldn't trust them. i made them believe that i'm no longer suicidal

since them, i don't really trust people to tell them i'm suicidal... i have this one friend (in which he is also very much suicidal) i told i kind of think about ctb and already attempted once, and he understood it kindly, but he doesn't know i'm currently way worst lol

 

[LigottiIsRight]

Only to people that I'm sure that won't pester me with preventionist and mental health-related bullshit.

 

[tiokapaws]

when i was younger my parents found out i was suicidal by reading my journal without my consent, it was a terrible experience for a teenager. they treated me with fear and got mad at me for it, they wanted me to talk about how i was feeling and why i was depressed, but i couldn't, i couldn't trust them. i made them believe that i'm no longer suicidal

since them, i don't really trust people to tell them i'm suicidal... i have this one friend (in which he is also very much suicidal) i told i kind of think about ctb and already attempted once, and he understood it kindly, but he doesn't know i'm currently way worst lol

Adults reading their kids diaries or intruding their privacy in other similar ways is the worst omg

 

[DeoxygenDaydream]

My housemates/friends and another friend or two are fully aware I want to ctb to the point that I've talked quite freely about my misadventures of sourcing gas for an exit bag. It's been somewhat lighthearted at times and I'm glad they haven't sent me to a psych hospital again, but I wish I hadn't put that kind of dread on them. If I go through with it it'll be hard regardless, but knowing it could happen whenever feels worse.

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

I tell people but I'm very selective about who. My parents do not and cannot know. A few close friends do so far.

My psychiatrist and therapist know. And several Catholic priests, believe it or not.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

No. Not many people in my life anyways.
The one person who knew at some point now believes I'm no longer suicidal. And he wouldn't want to know the truth again. I also feel now it would be unfair to tell someone, that they would feel responsible to do something, which can make things worse. And it's unfair cause unless they've been here, they won't understand.

 

[wine is fine but]

I will just do it (again).

i realise that i can never begin to fathom the amount of pain and horror (both physical and mental) that you are going through, but please think very carefully before trying again

i am not telling you to live, and i certainly cannot and will not ask you to live, because you need to do what is best for you, but
most people in this world think life is everything. they can go through so much and still say "at least i am alive". almost everyone on this site will never say that, but i get the impression, that before the "alleged" medical professionals screwed you over, you might have been one of the offsite majority

you "might" be one of the very few on this site, that if you somehow endured the next two years, and once healed, to say you were happy to have survived. not many of us would think that, but you might. honestly, if i was in your position, i would quite probably choose to end my pain, but if you could be happy and enjoy life again, once healed, it would be a pity if you robbed yourself of that chance. totally understandable, but a pity nonetheless. obviously, you have the physical pain, being ostracised by the people who were meant to love you most, fiscal pain, boredom and many other things too, but hopefully you can end up making the right choice for yourself, which ever one it is