My mom tried to kill herself, now I want to.
my daughter is young enough she probably wouldn't remember and maybe I would stop the intergenerational trauma by doing it.
maybe if my mom had succeeded my life wouldn't have been filled with the family disintegration and torture of myself.
I know I can do better than my parents but I can tell you first hand that i don't remember the first time she tried but the second time, when my father had no one else to blame but me, my childhood went even more to shit.
I think about my daughter... I love her, but on another hand I think it'll help if I weren't here.
I also have a 2000000 dollar insurance policy that has a suicide is okay after 2 years clause in my daughters name.
my point is that in a year, after the two years waiting, it could happen any day. That said, it could happen tomorrow.
sorry if that was a ramble...