F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
9,229
I imagine a lot of people here are hiding a part of who they are with regards to ideation. What about other emotions or feelings though? Things like anger. Do you hold that in or, let loose? Do you think it's good to always express what you feel? It's more honest I suppose. How much of the real you do people get to see? Do people like the real you or, do you have to modify it?

I think it's probably anger/ resentment/ bitterness I try to keep in the most. It comes out in general ways- I'll moan like hell about something that's happened at work or whatever but, when it comes to directing it at say parents- I try not to. I suppose there are things I feel frustrated at them over but, I know their intention wasn't to hurt me. I know that bringing it up now won't do any good- the damage is done and, it will only upset them so, I try to bite my tongue.

I've found, the older I've gotten, the more irritable I've become and it tends to slip out more and more. I was too shy and timid really to express it quite so much when I was young. I feel like I'm going through my angsty teenage years now in a way. šŸ˜¬
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
20,895
In terms of my suicidal ideation I hide it because I'm afraid of getting forcibly locked up or forced to take treatments that I know will leave me worse off.

In terms of my evilness, I don't necessarily try to hide it and yet people still just seem to be blind to it all the same. It's frustrating that people like my friends and acquaintances seem so attached to me when I do no favors for them so I have no idea why they would even bother to want me around.
 
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ForgottenAgain

ForgottenAgain

On the rollercoaster of sadness
Oct 17, 2023
920
When I was younger I'd hide it, now I just don't care. The only place I hide myself is at work, as I don't want my employer to know how fucked up I am and that affecting my salary.

Besides that, everyone knows. I'm also not afraid to share because people don't care enough to intervene, they're also in another country so... I don't even think people are keen in locking me in a psych ward. When I was being seen by the crisis team them made a pitch to not lock me there lol

I don't have the patience to hide anymore, I'm tired and couldn't care less at this point. Even when I tried making friends through friendship apps I would mention straight away, in my bio, that I am severely depressed and if that affects you then best not to match. I also wouldn't match with people looking for someone to "make them smile" or anything along those lines.
 
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InversedShadow

InversedShadow

Student
Dec 28, 2023
164
I mostly keep the anger in, unless Im being really fed up with something, only the close people experience my real emotions, in public Im able to stomach it pretty well and keep it under control I just don't speak a lot then.
I don't think it's good to expose your real self all the time, in public strangers can get a wrong idea about you and with friend or family, it really depends, sometimes it's better not to speak too much..
Sadly what people always saw in me, was just a modification, not the real me, in me they just see a vision of what they think of me, or what they want me to become.
 
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Warlord's Pulse

Warlord's Pulse

Time to end this endless war
May 27, 2024
28
Used to hide a lot, now I have specific acquaintances to share'em
 
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iloveyouihateyou

iloveyouihateyou

probably die before it hurts
Oct 23, 2024
24
at first with my parents i tried to share things but man the experience talking to them was so awful that nowadays silence is my greatest ally in dealing with these emotions. whenever i catch flak from my family i just hush up and let them talk so they leave me alone. i feel like it made opening up initially to others really hard though.

in terms of friends, nowadays i've been trying to only maintain friendships with people who are willing to listen and see me through so i tend to be alot more open assuming the connection is there. like everything i'll try to tell someone everything about my feelings cause it's the only way i can truly feel like myself, and if someone can't come to terms with that it's just not worth the time in my opinion, not anymore atleast. before i used to be fake as fuck though and i guess i learned from how shitty those friendships were.

i feel like people have mixed opinions of me, i feel like the real me is likeable to certain people but for the most part i could never show it off regularly, i honestly feel like alot of people in my life voice their inconsiderate/shitty opinions of others way too often and carelessly for anyone to feel comfortable enough to be "real" all the time, unless that person is some oblivious unicorn or something
 

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