Do you remember being happy?

[Sadand39]

I do, now when I think about those times it feels like someone kicked me really hard in the gut and all the air has been knocked out of me. I didn't even know I was happy then. It's been 11 or 12 years ago. Now it's every day with thoughts of ending it. Every medication, diet change, trip to the gym always ends in me not wanting to live any more. The feeling like I just don't belong in this world. It's like seeing the horrible truth of life and never being able to go back to the simplicity of happiness.

 

[Chalken]

I absolutely forgot what happiness feels like. Looking back, all I see is my life full of social anxiety and, later, depression. I might have been happy at some point way back in the past, but it feels like you can only be happy when you're either ignorant or distracted just enough not to think about it too much. I can't see how people could be happy seeing all the horrible shit in the world and endless slavery from birth to death.

I can relate too much to feeling like I just don't belong here, in this world. All around you can see people going about their lives and you just feel like an alien. It blows.

 

[Sadand39]

I absolutely forgot what happiness feels like. Looking back, all I see is my life full of social anxiety and, later, depression. I might have been happy at some point way back in the past, but it feels like you can only be happy when you're either ignorant or distracted just enough not to think about it too much. I can't see how people could be happy seeing all the horrible shit in the world and endless slavery from birth to death.

I can relate too much to feeling like I just don't belong here, in this world. All around you can see people going about their lives and you just feel like an alien. It blows.

Yes, I've said the same thing before about feeling like an alien. Like sitting in a restaurant and feeling like the only thing in the room that doesn't belong.

 

[Sadand39]

Yes, I've said the same thing before about feeling like an alien. Like sitting in a restaurant and feeling like the only thing in the room that doesn't belong.

I absolutely forgot what happiness feels like. Looking back, all I see is my life full of social anxiety and, later, depression. I might have been happy at some point way back in the past, but it feels like you can only be happy when you're either ignorant or distracted just enough not to think about it too much. I can't see how people could be happy seeing all the horrible shit in the world and endless slavery from birth to death.

I can relate too much to feeling like I just don't belong here, in this world. All around you can see people going about their lives and you just feel like an alien. It blows.

Yes, I've said the same thing before about feeling like an alien. Like sitting in a restaurant and feeling like the only thing in the room that doesn't belong.

 

[dysfunctional]

I do, it was fairly recent actually- exactly 9 months ago. Its just like you say- I didn't even know I was happy. Actually I thought I was depressed. Now everyday I live is by far more miserable than the worst day I ever experienced previous to this.
And while I do remember being happy- I'm completely disconnected from it. Like it was another person who had those experiences.

 

[Sadand39]

I do, it was fairly recent actually- exactly 9 months ago. Its just like you say- I didn't even know I was happy. Actually I thought I was depressed. Now everyday I live is by far more miserable than the worst day I ever experienced previous to this.
And while I do remember being happy- I'm completely disconnected from it. Like it was another person who had those experiences.

Yes, every out look is different now. I am stuck in a repeat every day of depression. I have had people tell me to do something to change it. I barely have energy to get off the couch to go to work. That alone takes all my effort.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Yes. And that for me makes it so awful as I used to feel like the happiest person alive until a little over a year ago. I had all I needed - I'm not materialistic so was just happy with what I had and just being me. I used to laugh with the sheer joy of being alive and relished every moment.

 

[Sadand39]

Yes. And that for me makes it so awful as I used to feel like the happiest person alive until a little over a year ago. I had all I needed - I'm not materialistic so was just happy with what I had and just being me. I used to laugh with the sheer joy of being alive and relished every moment.

I remember laughing so hard I cry. Now I force a smile to try to appear normal. Nothing even is funny to me any more.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I remember laughing so hard I cry. Now I force a smile to try to appear normal. Nothing even is funny to me any more.

 

[Struggling]

No idea. The more I think about it the more I'm convinced I was manic. Hamster on a wheel syndrome

 

[odette]

I do, now when I think about those times it feels like someone kicked me really hard in the gut and all the air has been knocked out of me. I didn't even know I was happy then. It's been 11 or 12 years ago. Now it's every day with thoughts of ending it. Every medication, diet change, trip to the gym always ends in me not wanting to live any more. The feeling like I just don't belong in this world. It's like seeing the horrible truth of life and never being able to go back to the simplicity of happiness.

Did something happen 11 or 12 years ago? Did something change your life in some way?

 

[21Neberg]

I do, now when I think about those times it feels like someone kicked me really hard in the gut and all the air has been knocked out of me. I didn't even know I was happy then. It's been 11 or 12 years ago. Now it's every day with thoughts of ending it. Every medication, diet change, trip to the gym always ends in me not wanting to live any more. The feeling like I just don't belong in this world. It's like seeing the horrible truth of life and never being able to go back to the simplicity of happiness.

Ofcourse I do, I think about sunny days from my childhood all the time. I used to have such a large lego collection when I was younger. When I think back to those carefree days, it makes me sad.

 

[Sadand39]

Ofcourse I do, I think about sunny days from my childhood all the time. I used to have such a large lego collection when I was younger. When I think back to those carefree days, it makes me sad.

It makes me sad too

 

[ReadyasEver]

I remember and still have good moments with friends and family. I feel better that they are happy, it makes my decision as I near the end of life a little more palatable. With them being secure in their lives, it makes my passing easier to cope. At least I hope it will.

 

[Funkbunny]

45 years old, and no, I really can't.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Ofcourse I do, I think about sunny days from my childhood all the time. I used to have such a large lego collection when I was younger. When I think back to those carefree days, it makes me sad.

Lego!! I love Lego! I used to built large houses with many doors and windows - any architect would have a heart attack!!!

 

[Eren]

Only during childhood.

 

[lemmeeleev]

No, I was never really happy. I remember myself as a child being the "quiet one" and was jealous of how everyone else made friends so fast and no one wanted to be mine. Sounds stupid, but that just created more problems for me and here I am now on a suicide site.

 

[Eren]

No, I was never really happy. I remember myself as a child being the "quiet one" and was jealous of how everyone else made friends so fast and no one wanted to be mine. Sounds stupid, but that just created more problems for me and here I am now on a suicide site.

I have always been very shy and I have almost never had IRL friends, in fact I received bullying at school for years, but at least when you are a child you are more innocent and you do not think so much about the "bad" of life.

 

[Lost]

I was once happy. A long while ago. Now I just try to get through the day. Making a smiley face at work and hoping the day goes by. Not even the grandkids bring me joy anymore. It's like I have a stone anstatt a heart. All seams to much. All I want is sleep. Don't see none don't hear none. Only wishing not to wake up anymore. Wish that was so easy

 

[brighter]

I guess I still am. When I'm high. It's become a routine, quiet, sunken in the mornings until I meet up with my friend who really doesn't give a shit about me and smoke weed. Then my problems look like ants to me.

 

[Othermind]

It was either November 18th or 28th 2014.
One and only day in my life I felt truly happy.
I'd honest to god restart my life and go through all the crap (and believe me it's a lot) I went through all over again if it meant I could re-live it.

 

[brighter]

It was either November 18th or 28th 2014.
One and only day in my life I felt truly happy.
I'd honest to god restart my life and go through all the crap (and believe me it's a lot) I went through all over again if it meant I could re-live it.

What made it so good? Is there no way to do it again?

 

[Othermind]

What made it so good? Is there no way to do it again?

I'd rather not say. But let's just say it would have been rather mundane for most people, but it wasn't for me due to a variety of circumstances.
And no it's not possible to replicate.
Edit.
I checked the calendar for that year and it couldn't have been either of those dates as I remember quite distinctively that it was a Thursday. So it was either the 20th or the 27th.
Christ what a mess I am...

 

[John Smith]

Yes. And that for me makes it so awful as I used to feel like the happiest person alive until a little over a year ago. I had all I needed - I'm not materialistic so was just happy with what I had and just being me. I used to laugh with the sheer joy of being alive and relished every moment.

What happened that made all of that happiness go away, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Psilo]

The last time I was truly happy, was when I received my first Playmobil. Yup goes waaaaay back.

 

[JustAboutDone]

What happened that made all of that happiness go away, if you don't mind me asking?

Going back to my parents house - brought back horrific memories from a violent abusive younger life; then being told by my mother she never wanted me anyway, I didn't deserve the life I'd created, that she hated me and always had. Sent me spiralling into a total breakdown.

 

[SeekingSolace]

I can remember periods of happiness...before the seizures, when I was finishing college and still had hope for the future. I've always battled depression, but I used to be able to climb out of the holes for some brief relief...whereas now the valleys seem to be all that is left. I miss feeling hopeful...and in control. I miss happiness. Marijuana is the closest I can get to happy. The smell of some quality bud gives me a sense of relief.

 

[KatieW]

I do, now when I think about those times it feels like someone kicked me really hard in the gut and all the air has been knocked out of me. I didn't even know I was happy then. It's been 11 or 12 years ago. Now it's every day with thoughts of ending it. Every medication, diet change, trip to the gym always ends in me not wanting to live any more. The feeling like I just don't belong in this world. It's like seeing the horrible truth of life and never being able to go back to the simplicity of happiness.

Have you watched the movie "Bird Box"?

 

[faex42]

In my twenties, not consistently, but I was often very happy. It seems like someone else. When I initially moved to Vietnam in 2007 I was quite happy. I was only there 6 months and left very depressed with daily suicidal ideation. I guess I see the happy periods as my remote past. I don't expect to be happy again. I would be quite satisfied to not feel depressed and feel secure