Discussion Do you really think you’ll ever go through with it?

[movinout17]

i feel like most of us on this forum are doomed to this path. once you've decided to make an account on a place like this you've more or less decided your fate. i don't think I'm ever turning back.

I feel different things about this. Dread, sadness. Just, wow

 

[Beautiful Angel]

To be honest I just don't have the energy to put into anything else I'm mentally and emotionally drained I don't wanna be here anymore and I long for my last breath rather than live this life the one that I was given and I screwed it up I want it to be over now would be nice

 

[jigsaw_falling]

i think i will. i have no date, but i feel like i'll either go out during a breakdown and attempt impulsively, or i'll actually plan my death in the future and prepare everything completely.

right now i don't have the commitment to fully plan when i will die, and the times i've gotten very close to attempting have been out of complete desperation to stop what i am feeling immediately. but one day i will plan it all out, distance myself from my friends and family, and make sure i cannot fail.

 

[anx_out]

i keep thinking about it practically. SN accessibility is dwindling, exit bag set ups are confusing, hanging scares me... besides, I have living grandparents that would be crushed, and I can't do that to them. so, someday, probably, but i wish it could be sooner

 

[outrider567]

i keep thinking about it practically. SN accessibility is dwindling, exit bag set ups are confusing, hanging scares me... besides, I have living grandparents that would be crushed, and I can't do that to them. so, someday, probably, but i wish it could be sooner

Exit Bag is indeed confusing, which is why I got the EEBD hood with tubing attached instead

 

[yohan]

One thing is stopping me, and thats my parents. once they are no longer around, I am free to go.

 

[Blackroom_57]

One thing is stopping me, and thats my parents. once they are no longer around, I am free to go.

Yes same here. I have two very loving parents and I really don't want to ctb because they would be devastated. However I think it's likely that things will get worse for me and I will just go and do it - and make sure it works. You can only withstand so much pain before you go ballistic.

 

[HopeIsLost]

I hope so. I've had many unsuccessful attempts and this lead to many of my options being taken away so it's going to be hard to find a method with a high succeeding rate but I hope I never have to live for decades feeling this way. My life has been over years ago. I just need to end my existence.

 

[Someday_Somehow32]

I have to at this point. There can't be any other way.

 

[RUPA]

I will, I need, I want, I have to eventually within a year maximum
thinking of getting help from some medication and alcohol so I can take action on it
partner(s) also would be nice but almost gave up on that idea at this point

 

[wanttodie]

i hope so as i want to die

 

[booplesnoot34]

Tbh no. I'm too much of a coward to commit and I'm religious so I don't want to suffer for all eternity because I tried to end my suffering.

But dang do I pray for death every single day.

 

[jessisme]

I have to at this point. There can't be any other way.

Same.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Eventually, yeah, I just don't know when. I don't know why I can't force myself to do it now either. I'm just so pathetic.

 

[BBBB]

Yes!

 

[Darkover]

i can leave at anytime i know am ready to die its just a lack of resources and access to whats needed stopping me

 

[Kta1994]

Im ordering my sn tomorrow and ive been on this forum for 4 years, so i think i will

 

[Sparx]

I'm wondering if I'll ever find the courage. Life is only going to get worse as time goes on & I don't want to wait until things become unbearable but I feel I won't be able to attempt until I reach breaking point.

 

[FlameWhisperer]

Yes, I will. For now, it is preparing, gathering the necessary tools, and when I have everything I need, the moment I wake up and think "this is the day", I'll just do it without looking back.

 

[Mthom2]

Absolutely, no question about it. My mother, who was the best person I've ever known, was reduced to nothing before she died. She raised two children alone, working multiple jobs to provide for us. At the end, she had lost everything, materialistic and her health. I remember her crying because she wasn't able to care for herself.

That taught me more about life than any other experience I've lived through, including being a single mother myself. I'm not sure exactly when, but you better believe that I will be prepared to leave on my own terms. It all depends on how bad things get.

 

[Capsaicin78]

yes definitely. People keep feeding me false hope ( this is happening for years now) and I can't take it anymore. I know my life is hopeless. My suffering too much. So 100%. I hope it will finally be this year. Finally peace

 

[missingpeace]

Mornings are neutral but as I throughout the day and the entities play with my mind/body, I think why havn't I done it already, I will definitely go through with it. I know I'm going downhill and the sooner I go the better it will be.

 

[Electronic Music]

Yup, looking forward to it. Tired of constantly experiencing negativity mainly from myself. Life started as a obligation, then a chore, then painful, and as I continue on It'll reach unbearable. My clear goals have my head focused for the time being. Unfortunately, I have those in my life that are better off with me being alive, and I decided to prioritize them for the time being. It may be about 2 years away, but I'm looking forward to it.

I feel lucky as of recently that I've found a place that I can genuinely type this all out. I know many can relate to this feeling; it sucks always being dishonest, especially to the ones we care about.

 

[rayless]

What puzzles me is how I haven't done it already. I'm sure I will do it (if I'm not lucky enough for fate to take care of it before), currently it just depends on some conditions that emotionally bind me to the duty of continuing to live.

 

[AllMyDreams]

I am 100% not committing suicide myself. I second guess a lot, I don't trust myself to do it right, and I'd want my death to be in a controlled setting, surrounded by the people I love.

But, I'd be interested in getting euthanasia at some point. Maybe I'll move to Canada or Belgium.

 

[Veronica Sawyer]

For the past few years, I've believed that I don't think I could go through with it. I have so much social anxiety about hurting others, or even just inconveniencing/annoying them. I can barely talk to people for fear that I'm being a bother, so how could I ever do something like CTB?

For now I don't really have any intentions of doing it, even though I'm at a low point in my life. But I still think about it a lot, I wish I didn't have to deal with what I'm going through.

 

[jolongone]

Everybody here has a plan, but are you really prepared to leave this life behind? To take that leap of faith down the road of no return? Or are you doomed to suicide ideation forever?

When l feel that the time is right l can only hope l have the nerve to go through with it. I hate when suicide is mentioned you are called a coward when l believe nobody really wants to die and only the brave can do it

I think it is very situational for all of us. I learned something very applicable to this recently. I had a cataract that caused me to feel what it would be like to be blind. I have never been able to stop smoking cigarettes until now because the fear of blindness that the cataract caused was strong enough to motivate me. Had the cataract removed....not painful....20/20 vision again. Have not had a cigarette or even a puff of one since then. Been over 2 weeks now and will never touch them because they can cause eye problems. I have a 40 cft tank of nitrogen and the exit bag, etc. to go with it. I know that when it is obvious that circumstances dictate using it ...I will be able to do it. I am 70 years old and have always been a positive person. The reality of getting older is that you lose people, places and things. That is what old age is about. At a certain point, the loses are greater than the positives in life. It differs for all of us...but that is inevitable. So motivation can go from mild to very determined. Hope this helps someone to understand the future.

Completely understand. I am in my late 60s and just want to go out of this life under my own steam. I prefer the nitrogen option too.

 

[cherry7]

I've been mentally planning to do it before the end of this month. I'm scared tbh. I feel guilty for leaving my loved ones behind. But I just don't have it in me to continue on with everything. I really hope I'll be able to

I'm scared too, it's mostly the only thing stopping me

 

[haiku]

I'm scared too, it's mostly the only thing stopping me

I wasn't able to last month because I didn't have much space alone and I was afraid the one time I did because I didn't have everything. It is very scary. I wish we could have a guaranteed peaceful escape or that life had just been kinder to us in the first place.

 

[RdMrk]

Currently no. But I also can't really imagine a future for myself either. It seems like the logical and best choice but for some reason it scares me