Do you plan on leaving a suicide note?

[stationarymillennial]

No. I might call out on social media all the people whom I've helped academically, professionally, health-wise, and financially, but then turned their backs on me when I experienced the worst illness anyone can experience.

Thank you for saying this. I want to do this so badly. I'm not saying you're this way, but I personally am petty as hell sometimes. There are like 5 people I want to say "I have bad blood with them. I won't tell you why. How about you ask them?" But I know that's childish and destructive. Which is why I'm considering it, of course.

 

[TAW122]

I do, but plan to keep it short and to the point, no long explanation other than declaring that I made my choice by myself and mine alone, no one else made the decision and how it's not their fault. Then also some post-mortem instructions and that's about it. Originally in the past, I had planned to go into detail and explain my reasons, but knowing that people won't bother to read it thoroughly (may just skim it through), misunderstand it, still have doubts and what not, I decided it's not worth the bother since I'd be dead anyways.

Instead, I have decided to write a manifesto instead which would serve as an instrument to further change for the pro-choice community and since I have many threads explaining my reasons on the SS forum, the people on here would know my reasons as they are the ones who would understand and be impartial to them.

 

[NotOfThisEarth]

I feel like I would leave a note to show that my decision was rational and the reasons Im choosing this. Well who am I kidding? My family never listened or validated anything I believed in or expressed, so why would this be any different? I can't change anyone, only myself. I was thinking of mailing a letter/suicide note to my only close friend and explain to her-as she never judged me. Still not sure?

 

[falloutcarter13]

I like this thread, its interesting seeing all of the different feelings about this and all the reasons why. I think, in the end, its completely personal (like everything else about suicide..the when, why, how, where, etc.) Personally, I'm going to write letters to everyone who will want answers. The people I think deserve them, anyway. I'll explain myself the best I can without hurting them, and try to answer any questions I'd have in their place. What they do with that info is up to them. I just can't see apologizing and explaining making things any harder on any of my family, but again, that's just *my* family and *my* process. I have moments where I think "fuck it, that's too much work and trouble to waste the time I have left on." But it always fades and I know writing them is the right thing to do for me. Everybody's different, do what's right for you!

 

[W3akCr3atur3]

I have already written one few months before. I hope it will help my family realize that they fucked up my life.

 

[InterstateFlowers]

I'm thinking about leaving one, I feel like it might be comforting if anyone cares. At the same time though I'm worried that making one will only cause harm because it might make them feel guilty. While I don't blame anyone for this, a lot of people could have really helped me or could have not broken me as much, and I feel like I'm not good enough with words to be comforting. I feel like it will be another thing I will fuck up and they might sense how I really feel and they might feel guilty. I don't want to hurt anyone.

Hello! I understand how you feel when it comes not wanting to hurt anyone and messing up everything. If there's people you truly care about, leaving a note can only do so much to lessen the pain. This is just how I interpreted it but the point of explaining how you feel is so that the other party doesn't misunderstand that it's purely their fault and left wondering what went wrong. No matter what, anyone who cares will always feel guilty. It's a hard pill to swallow but if someone cares about you, hurting them is inevitable. In my case, I know I'm going to make my family cry and my little sister's life will be more difficult. I'm personalizing each letter for each member of my family to make it more personal to them. I'm leaving a note to make it as easy on my family as possible and giving them many words of comfort without explaining exactly why I'm ctbing. I think telling my family why would break their hearts more than if I didn't tell but that's just my situation. Everyone's situation is different as to why whether or not someone will leave a note. Try not to judge your note by your vocabulary and writing style. As long as you're genuine, I'm sure your note will do its job if you ever write one. It's your decision and you'll know best what's right for your situation. Thank you for explaining your feelings and I hope I helped!

 

[minkymomo]

only to my ex, who im madly in love with still even after he left me "for no reason" and some old friends that dissociated with me to apologize

 

[stationarymillennial]

It's funny because I find myself writing long-form essays as posts here (and then never posting lolz), but when it comes to writing suicide notes, I'm like nah, that's hella work.

 

[Final Escape]

I don't think I'll leave note. I don't have anything to say. They will know why. I was a walking mess all my life lol!

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Thank you for saying this. I want to do this so badly. I'm not saying you're this way, but I personally am petty as hell sometimes. There are like 5 people I want to say "I have bad blood with them. I won't tell you why. How about you ask them?" But I know that's childish and destructive. Which is why I'm considering it, of course.

But if we ctb who cares that we're petty? They should be called out.
I helped a friend with everything in college - I was the popular girl, she was just happy to be around me. I'd let her copy from me bc she was so sloppy. Gave her a bunch of presents like make up etc. Hosted and fed her after college when her roommates kicked her out. Did her CV / cover letter. Paid for tons of stuff for her bc she "never knew how to transfer." Stayed with me at one of the most expensive hotels in the world when traveling. Then she got a kid and all of the sudden I was a peasant. Cause you know, I'm responsible enough not to have kids while on meds. Then she told me pretty people cannot have depression because they get everything easy in life and said it affected her child (who was a couple of months old) to talk to me. End of. I don't care if she can self-identify from these words but I will gladly call her out for being a disgusting social climber.

 

[stationarymillennial]

First of all...

But if we ctb who cares that we're petty? They should be called out.

Period. Surely we have called them out in some form in real life during arguments and discussions. For whatever reason, they didn't get it, so why not drive the point home with an opportunity we're only going to get once?

I'd let her copy from me bc she was so sloppy.

It sounds like her work wasn't the only thing that was sloppy. She sounds like she was manipulative. Why would or should a kid change the level of loyalty you have to your alleged friend who's done so much for you? Children of course take up an insane amount of time and energy, sometimes almost all of it, but that can coexist with loyalty and true friendship.

Then she told me pretty people cannot have depression because they get everything easy in life

Oh, well fuck her then. I'm sorry she happened to you. I just wanted to respond to your story here. Thanks for sharing. She sounds like a dumpster fire who deserves a solid call-out.

 

[GonnaGoBye]

Nah.

 

[melp]

I won't leave a message. What would that change? Everyone will interpret it from his point of view, and the words will probably be even more misleading

 

[whywere]

on one suicide attempt, after I caught my wife cheating, I left a note, and she and the courts used it against me. This time, I am starting my planning to leave this crappy world, and I have learned my lesson. NO I will not leave anything




t

 

[GoneGoneGone]

It sounds like her work wasn't the only thing that was sloppy. She sounds like she was manipulative. Why would or should a kid change the level of loyalty you have to your alleged friend who's done so much for you? Children of course take up an insane amount of time and energy, sometimes almost all of it, but that can coexist with loyalty and true friendship.

Thank you. The unspoken reason is that I refused to supply her with money for the kid. Come to think about it, I even sent her maternity presents before and after the birth. Disgusting.

 

[Jeff_The_Cursed]

I will leave one, but won't say why I decided to ctb.

As elusive as privacy has become, in almost any matter, even the first responders who find me may not be that careful in how they handle my suicide note, letting just anyone be privy to the contents of my note, and my saying why would likely get around to my enemies and critics, who would then snidely say "aww, poor baby", and so it is best to keep them guessing.

If they make up some crap about my suicide and blab it to other people, that's on them, not my problem!

 

[braketimez]

I'm thinking about leaving one, I feel like it might be comforting if anyone cares. At the same time though I'm worried that making one will only cause harm because it might make them feel guilty. While I don't blame anyone for this, a lot of people could have really helped me or could have not broken me as much, and I feel like I'm not good enough with words to be comforting. I feel like it will be another thing I will fuck up and they might sense how I really feel and they might feel guilty. I don't want to hurt anyone.

I wrote mine already for whenever the time comes.

I open up the letter by telling them 2-3 times that it is none of their fault, and no one could have stopped me or done anything more to help me.

I assure them that this is completely on me, and thank them for all their love and support.

By doing that, it's straight from the horse's mouth that nobody is to blame but me for my choice.

 

[alexit]

I'm thinking about leaving one, I feel like it might be comforting if anyone cares. At the same time though I'm worried that making one will only cause harm because it might make them feel guilty. While I don't blame anyone for this, a lot of people could have really helped me or could have not broken me as much, and I feel like I'm not good enough with words to be comforting. I feel like it will be another thing I will fuck up and they might sense how I really feel and they might feel guilty. I don't want to hurt anyone.

i've attempted many times and havent. when i think about leaving one i dream of writing several.

 

[Isadeth]

I believe I will, unless it's spur of the moment.

If I don't, I still have things I've prepared such as recordable books, cards, etc.

 

[ryla2090]

As I'm planning to ctb in a few weeks, so yes(via email) to my direct family members. I'm not gonna write a long one though. I'll just keep it as brief as possible, but then again, I just might change my mind and decide write a long one or not write one at all.

 

[411esme]

No. I want it to look like an accident, or at least give them the opportunity to think that's the case.

 

[Human2020]

My miserable existence is like a nightmare, I don't feel the need to provide any explanation to any of the characters that are a part of it before freeing myself. I just want to disappear and be forgotten so I wouldn't leave something behind. The only people who love me and care about me are my family and I feel as detached from them as I feel to the world. It really does feel like we're living in different dimensions and it would just be bizarre and futile to share my pain with them.

 

[xLosthopex]

I think I will right something short, explaining why and how I did it so people aren't left wondering etc. not that it will come as a surprise to anyone in my life...
Also want to lay out some of my wishes, for example the song I want at my funeral, phone numbers of friends so my parents can get in contact with them, who to give my stuff to etc
I think I'm gonna send it in the mail the day I ctb so the cops don't take it when they see my body

 

[so tired or manic]

the most i might do is leave a list on what the animals need for their care.

at the same time, there's no way they're going to listen to it so i haven't decided if it's worth the effort.