NSFW Do you know why you are into in what you are into sexually?

[noname223]

Today, a Slavoj Zizek text dropped. I haven't read it fully yet. But I think one message is that sexuality often involves traumata. I am not sure whether that's true for me. I won't disclose in what I am into which makes this post a little bit boring.

I think I can explain it with my personality and maybe with some form of non-sexual traumata. But most of my traumatas (domestic violence) started with 5 and the bullying started with maybe 13.
I think though my sexuality formed itself pretty early. I think with I had one example with 6. And some other incidents. With the teenage years it rather reinforced what I was into.
I think I never experienced a sexual traumata though there was one weird incident that puzzled me as a child. I don't think it had much infuence. But many people with sexual traumata say that it impacted their sexuality.

I like to be introspective. But this is a question I have not thought much about. And without disclosing much this thread becomes boring. So I will end it here.

 

[SweetMemories]

i am in severe masochistic levels of BDSM because my Dad was a little to friendly with me for the age of 8 - 12. I have had severe acne in my teens, which led to really crazy mobbing and before the newest onset on my tinnitus i coped with the factor, that people treat me like shit. So yes, for me it is all based on trauma. I tried to went through it, but the fact that my mom just sitting besides it and let this happen, while she smoked and drank her beer every day let my therapist stop this procedure. Am i to open with my shitty life? maybe, but it doesn't matter anymore. I have survived the shit of Tinnitus two times, i am not so lucky that i can do it a third time. If anyone finds out the connection, they know, that my life was shitty all day long and i am kinda proud that i made it to 38 years, even with a very, very, very harmful coping mechanism. Because with that condition you don't believe in yourself or think that people are being honest with you. And most aren't. They capatalize on their own greedy behaviours and when you come to things like these forums you really can't believe how genuine and open everyone here is. Society has fucked us up, that's for sure.

for you i would highly suggest that you google all form of emotional trauma you can develope. White torture is nothing you see, but it fucks with your emotional system a lot. it can also be that your brain hides something from you. If you can't experience your childhood in your memories there is a high chance you are traumatized.

 

[dayhell]

I don't know why, for me there doesn't seem to be a connection. As someone who has a glasses kink, it's kind of funny that my dad worked in a glasses factory and I got a job there too. It's just a coincidence through, I work there because it's convenient. But I do like my job.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

I mean, do you means kinks/fetishes or sexuality? Because I'm a gay man that's "afraid" of cis men—I'd think the trauma would have made me straight.

The kinks though, yeah, to be expected. I got into BDSM much younger than I should have, but it did help me learn about consent after the first time being groomed online. BDSM kink contracts and pre-sex conversations have always fascinated me because no one in my childhood actually communicated well in life.

 

[noname223]

I don't know why, for me there doesn't seem to be a connection. As someone who has a glasses kink, it's kind of funny that my dad worked in a glasses factory and I got a job there too. It's just a coincidence through, I work there because it's convenient. But I do like my job.

I think a psychoanalyst had a field day with this statement.

I mean, do you means kinks/fetishes or sexuality? Because I'm a gay man that's "afraid" of cis men—I'd think the trauma would have made me straight.

The kinks though, yeah, to be expected. I got into BDSM much younger than I should have, but it did help me learn about consent after the first time being groomed online. BDSM kink contracts and pre-sex conversations have always fascinated me because no one in my childhood actually communicated well in life.

I think I am interested in both. Kinks and sexuality.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

I think I am interested in both. Kinks and sexuality.

Trauma can definitely affect the sexuality, but it's not that common. I've met asexual people who developed it due to trauma, but I've also met many women who are still attracted to men despite basically going into flight response on sight around one.

I think it's more common with certain sexualities/preferences like A-spec and polyamormous people than gay or straight people.

Kinks have a major connection to trauma though. I do have a fetish-ish thing that isn't related to trauma (that I know of), but it also skews a of a more "romantic fetish" than immediately sexual. For me, sex has to have romance.

I'm demisexual too, actually. I did "ignore" it a lot as an adolescent due to hypersexual behavior, though. I just thought sex appeal was how you get guys, but I wasn't attracted to them that way until we bonded—it was just trauma projection until then.

So I guess that's another example of my sexuality not being affected by trauma. If my demisexuality was caused by trauma, I sure was ignoring it a lot... due to trauma

 

[Xi-Xi]

God this is going to be a stain on my account forever...

I have a balloon fetish. Like, a major one. And I'm not entirely sure why, it has something to do from when I was a young child, and I linked balloons to masturbation somehow, it... It's weird, ok? Popping balloons is also a huge pleasure point for me...

That being said questions are accepted

 

[iveseenfootage]

I'm into everything I'm into for very normal reasons thank you very much

 

[Xi-Xi]

Suicidal. Life is shit. I have 'controversial' opinions apparently.

Alright, I'll stop bothering you.

YOOOO REAL LOONER thats mad. Do you like seeing Ur balloons feel pain or do you like keeping them safe and loving them?

Oh? So you've heard of us. I'm really quite suprised, to be honest.

It really depends on my mood to be honest. If by "feeling pain", you mean bursting them, then yes, I perfer my balloon to pop. However, sometimes, I'm in to fragile of a mood for that, so on those days, I'll let them be, and just goon next to one while watching Looner porn (which yes, is a thing)

 

[Bethlehem]

Alright, I'll stop bothering you.

Oh? So you've heard of us. I'm really quite suprised, to be honest.

It really depends on my mood to be honest. If by "feeling pain", you mean bursting them, then yes, I perfer my balloon to pop. However, sometimes, I'm in to fragile of a mood for that, so on those days, I'll let them be, and just goon next to one while watching Looner porn (which yes, is a thing)

Yeah I saw some old guy on yt talking about how he loves to protect his balloons and when they pop all hell breaks loose. How many balloons do you have, do you like inflation porn and how does one have sex with a balloon? Im curious but I'm not looking it up lol.

I'm so scared of balloons. When one pops next to me my whole nervous system just ignites. I thought that the pop would hurt me if any balloon shrapnel landed on me. I thought it would burn.

 

[bloodandshavedhead]

Lowkey my mother use to slap me as a child and hit my back with belts until my skin was raw.

I think that pretty much explains why I'm into kinks that make my back sting until I'm crying. The human mind is so weird, if you can't process the trauma then you sexualise the trauma.

 

[Unlucky777]

This is the billion dollar question for me. I wish I knew

 

[DeathByBananabread]

Yes, but you couldn't get me to say the specifics with a gun to my head, at least not here. I will talk about how I want to die & in what way all day, but I won't talk about that.
I respect the hell out of those on here who are somehow able to find a reason to live or keep going thru this side of themselves, wish that was me.

 

[Pluto]

 

[FoxSauce]

Wish I knew cuz me dont know

 

[Arvayn]

Ooh boy, this is a golden thread...

I don't have any sexual trauma.
I'm really into mind control and moral corruption (read: turning a prudish person into a sex fiend), there's something about it that gets me. Sexual deprivation and sexual frustration are really good, too. In general, what I enjoy is seeing people shamelessly let themselves go and indulge in their sexuality; overenthusiasm, basically. Masturbation can sometimes be more attractive to me than intercourse for this reason, since people tend to feel safer and more disinhibited with the former. These kinks play into achieving that state within a person, so I suppose they're just a means to an end for me. Despite this, I do not like slutty people, unless the sluttiness in question is exclusive. Monogamy all the way. I also tend to stay away from these matters with sexually traumatized people, because they're basically incapable of appealing to me in this sense.
I am completely, helplessly dominant. Having to be submissive makes me feel disgusted and belittled, and strips the act of any enjoyment. Interestingly, though, I don't mind if there aren't any clear power dynamics. As long as I don't have to be submissive, I'm okay with not being dominant.

Now, as to why I turned out this way, I think it's likely because of a few recurring thought patterns that I had as a child. I loved to regularly imagine myself in captive situations where "evil people" were trying to brainwash me. It was just child's play, really, nothing sexual about it; though, a sexual connection was clearly subconsciously made at some point. What's odd here is that these fantasies had me in a submissive position, but I despise being submissive now.
My father also made a lot of adult jokes with me that I enjoyed being blindly contrarian to. He'd occasionally refer to me by nicknames like 'pimp', 'player' etc., which I would resist vehemently. He also framed innocent things I did in a sexual manner; for example, referring to my toys as being 'my bitches'. This gave me a strong distaste for casual sexuality, and is likely the reason I'm exclusively monogamous now and prefer for sex to have a romantic aspect.

Psychoanalysis is welcome if anyone has it.

 

[cluefixphantom]

That's an interesting question. I explain my past feelings of homosexual romantic attraction mainly by the fact that my parents are unfortunately alcoholics and have disabilities (maybe cushings syndrome and others I don't know). Because of that, I probably have fetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FAS), which also causes hormonal problems, thyroid and kidney problems. There was never really a moment when I thought women were somehow better or nicer – I actually found most of them awful, they disliked me, some called the boys on me. As adults I feel many women are unbelivable shitty, many just look ok or are pretty but inside eww. Biologically, I react to some of them. This is not something I truly want, and they never like me either because they think I'm too ugly, so it's unrequited. But it hurts a lot; the last phase of being in love wasn't that long ago. But she was such a cruel assh*le, always passiv aggressiv and she gossiped against me all because she dislikes it that I (a ugly woman) liked her body. I experienced severe symptoms - stroke-like signs and even had thoughts of jumping off the balcony and gouging out my right eye. I felt very dull without any joy. It remains a severe trauma.

 

[Bitch With An Apple]

I have a very specific and embarrassing fetish. I understand why it's there but not how it became sexual. I'm also autoandrophilic which makes a lot more sense. I see it as a consolation prize for being born in a male body.

 

[yotaka]

God this is going to be a stain on my account forever...

I have a balloon fetish. Like, a major one. And I'm not entirely sure why, it has something to do from when I was a young child, and I linked balloons to masturbation somehow, it... It's weird, ok? Popping balloons is also a huge pleasure point for me...

That being said questions are accepted

I love this. I love that it's unusual (note that I mean that in the literal sense that it's not common—I don't in any way mean to imply that it's wrong or bad), and I love that you are open about it. Thank you for bringing this into my life.

I'm into everything I'm into for very normal reasons thank you very much

Aren't we all... Also, nice username. I've come across more people here that I share cultural references with than I have everywhere else in last 15+ years combined. Stay noided.



Oh, and to answer the original question, my sexuality is a lot more boring than everyone else here, but I'm pretty sure it stems from a lifelong need to feel accepted/admired by the people I look up to (who are almost exclusively women).

 

[YourLocalSadGirly]

TBH most of my kinks got introduced to me by my girlfriend. Anything that wasn't probably came about from my latent self-hatred and internal shame (mostly bdsm stuff, I'm sure you can imagine on your own). Also the desire to be desired if that makes sense. In terms of fetishes who fucking knows lmao. I think kinks are easier to trace the origin of than fetishes. I guess I just like the look of certain things more than others? I'm trying not to be too specific for obvious reasons .

 

[BradGuy123]

What an interesting thread. A couple of people expressed embarrassment or reluctance in posting. I say people are into what they're into. Nothing wrong with anything I've seen posted here.

 

[wishingiwasok]

Today, a Slavoj Zizek text dropped. I haven't read it fully yet. But I think one message is that sexuality often involves traumata. I am not sure whether that's true for me. I won't disclose in what I am into which makes this post a little bit boring.

I think I can explain it with my personality and maybe with some form of non-sexual traumata. But most of my traumatas (domestic violence) started with 5 and the bullying started with maybe 13.
I think though my sexuality formed itself pretty early. I think with I had one example with 6. And some other incidents. With the teenage years it rather reinforced what I was into.
I think I never experienced a sexual traumata though there was one weird incident that puzzled me as a child. I don't think it had much infuence. But many people with sexual traumata say that it impacted their sexuality.

I like to be introspective. But this is a question I have not thought much about. And without disclosing much this thread becomes boring. So I will end it here.

I imagine my trauma plays a lot into it. It definitely has impacted what I don't like lol. I was hypersexual very very young so I was at least exposed to many really inappropriate sexual things at a really young age and am not interested if knowing if it was more than that.