strangelife
Specialist
- Feb 16, 2024
- 357
I love my son very much. I really miss the times when we had fun with him, which we can't do now. He's staying with Mom, but of course he's better off with me. I am facing a very difficult choice, to stay and endure pain and a successful life in disability, or to free myself from these torments if I stay, it will be very difficult, but my son will know that I am and I am alive, but does it make much sense to him when I am in this state now. Your story has touched me very much and I am very sorry for you.
I really hope he will be able to understand me and continue to live happily.
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necpluribusimparer
Member
- Mar 7, 2024
- 5
Well, people will eventually have to live without you. It's just a matter of time isn't it? People are different. Some people are more resilient, some can fall into a deep depression in an instant. If you decide to go by your own hand, it will probably scar people more than natural causes. I'm sure your son would be scarred, but that's just a thing you're going to have to accept. My father's death affected me a lot, but my brother is fine now and happy. I guess we will never know how things play out after we're gone.
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leloyon
I'll see you in the Wired.
- Feb 4, 2023
- 1,102
Had an online friend who committed a murder-suicide back in 2017. Didn't know he was even suicidal, and his life had actually seemingly been improving shortly before it all went down. Still mourn him, even knowing what he did.
Anyone who thinks I shouldn't mourn him can kindly go fuck themselves. He was my friend and he blew his brains out. Even if he did something horrible, I still cared about him and he's still dead.
Anyone who thinks I shouldn't mourn him can kindly go fuck themselves. He was my friend and he blew his brains out. Even if he did something horrible, I still cared about him and he's still dead.
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luneylonegirl
Lonely betrayed girl ready to die
- Jan 31, 2024
- 68
When covid, my uncle died from Insecticide poisoning. My parents said it's because he spray a lot of it and stay in the room. He died from poisoning. From my logic, people need a bunch of insecticide to kill you when you spray it. No one do that accidentally.
I still suspect he died because of suicide. No one can still being 'alive' when their wife leave them and married to someone else, poor, and having mental disability.
This event not affecting me directly, but i was so sad when i know that only my mom who pray for him every year (it's sunnah in my mom religion).
I still suspect he died because of suicide. No one can still being 'alive' when their wife leave them and married to someone else, poor, and having mental disability.
This event not affecting me directly, but i was so sad when i know that only my mom who pray for him every year (it's sunnah in my mom religion).
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StillBreathing
Student
- Dec 4, 2022
- 153
My father tried to when I was in my early teens. I managed to intervene as I could see it coming, staying up late every night listening for any odd sounds. One night he went into the locker and ran out with the shotgun but I managed to grab it and ran as far as I could into the woods to hide it. Thankfully he managed to find happiness again but I can still see he is lonely and suffering to some degree. I love him so much but we never talked about it after that incident. He since poured everything into his work like he always has, and it seems to help him somehow.
End of last year my closest friend managed to ctb without anyone knowing. I still think about it all the time, mostly because we would talk, hike, and play video games together everyday. But also because our last conversation was an argument a couple of weeks before he went. I thought I was trying to help by telling him he needed to sort out all his financial problems which he ignored - telling him it would only get worse. If only I would have known how bad it was I would have listened more instead of trying to tell him what to do. That is my only regret. I miss him so much and it terrifies me that leaving can cause so much pain to the ones left behind. This is one of the reasons I am still here, for the ones I love.
End of last year my closest friend managed to ctb without anyone knowing. I still think about it all the time, mostly because we would talk, hike, and play video games together everyday. But also because our last conversation was an argument a couple of weeks before he went. I thought I was trying to help by telling him he needed to sort out all his financial problems which he ignored - telling him it would only get worse. If only I would have known how bad it was I would have listened more instead of trying to tell him what to do. That is my only regret. I miss him so much and it terrifies me that leaving can cause so much pain to the ones left behind. This is one of the reasons I am still here, for the ones I love.
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My mother.
After dealing with my depression for multiple years and my own attempts, she ended sinking herself on depression, and eventually into drug abuse with a partner. She did pretty much what I tried, just ODed in her own psychiatric medication, drunk tons of beer and smoke some weed.
She had already some cardiac issues which probably helped her success while I failed in the same path.
It made me hate myself even more for never been capable of going before pushing her in this direction. She had a brighter future and she was talented and wise, while I just ended as a mess of a person. Losing her just made me see life as more unfair than I already saw before, and makes me wish I can pull it off and finally be done with it all eventually before more people get hurt.
After dealing with my depression for multiple years and my own attempts, she ended sinking herself on depression, and eventually into drug abuse with a partner. She did pretty much what I tried, just ODed in her own psychiatric medication, drunk tons of beer and smoke some weed.
She had already some cardiac issues which probably helped her success while I failed in the same path.
It made me hate myself even more for never been capable of going before pushing her in this direction. She had a brighter future and she was talented and wise, while I just ended as a mess of a person. Losing her just made me see life as more unfair than I already saw before, and makes me wish I can pull it off and finally be done with it all eventually before more people get hurt.
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KuriGohan&Kamehameha
想死不能 - 想活不能
- Nov 23, 2020
- 1,740
My father tried to shoot himself in the head in front of me and my grandpa when I was around 9 years old.
He did not succeed as it was wrestled away from him, but I will never forget how effortlessly my father put the barrel in his mouth and was about to pull the trigger as if he had no hesitation. While he didn't succeed that time, my father continued to engage in risky behaviour with drugs alcohol and drunk driving and was killed a few months later. I think if this did not happen my father would have gone through with it himself anyway as he had multiple attempts.
My only aunt died with "cardiac arrest" which was suspicious as she was only in her 40s so I believe that she killed herself or was abstaining from treatment of her autoimmune disease deliberately. Several of my great aunts, uncles, and cousins have died by shooting or hanging.
Those deaths have not negatively impacted me so much as an adult because my father and my aunt were suffering a lot, for years. And I had to watch my dad ruin himself with alcohol and drugs for my entire childhood. I can only feel relief now that they are at peace instead of destroying themselves further and hurting so deeply.
One of my good friends died from suicide when I was 18 and it did deeply perturb me for a long time because I think a part of me had feelings for her and she died without ever knowing this. I really looked up to her and it was one of the few times in my life that I had a good friendship with another woman and didn't feel judged or out of place. It's been 6 years and I still look at her page from time to time because I miss her, and it's really upsetting to see how she is slowly being forgotten. Birthday and memorial messages for her haven't been posted in a couple years now. I won't forget her, though.
He did not succeed as it was wrestled away from him, but I will never forget how effortlessly my father put the barrel in his mouth and was about to pull the trigger as if he had no hesitation. While he didn't succeed that time, my father continued to engage in risky behaviour with drugs alcohol and drunk driving and was killed a few months later. I think if this did not happen my father would have gone through with it himself anyway as he had multiple attempts.
My only aunt died with "cardiac arrest" which was suspicious as she was only in her 40s so I believe that she killed herself or was abstaining from treatment of her autoimmune disease deliberately. Several of my great aunts, uncles, and cousins have died by shooting or hanging.
Those deaths have not negatively impacted me so much as an adult because my father and my aunt were suffering a lot, for years. And I had to watch my dad ruin himself with alcohol and drugs for my entire childhood. I can only feel relief now that they are at peace instead of destroying themselves further and hurting so deeply.
One of my good friends died from suicide when I was 18 and it did deeply perturb me for a long time because I think a part of me had feelings for her and she died without ever knowing this. I really looked up to her and it was one of the few times in my life that I had a good friendship with another woman and didn't feel judged or out of place. It's been 6 years and I still look at her page from time to time because I miss her, and it's really upsetting to see how she is slowly being forgotten. Birthday and memorial messages for her haven't been posted in a couple years now. I won't forget her, though.
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Sageiois
Member
- Apr 6, 2024
- 66
Ai had a close childhood friend hang themselves then a partner of 4 years CTB through cutting, they died in my arms while i waited for an ambulance to attempt to come to us to save him. Ended up not arriving on time and his last words were "dont be affraid to move on"
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tsumihoroboshi
Lost Impact
- Oct 31, 2023
- 199
not people i personally knew but people around me.
my step-dad's brother shot himself, this was before i was born i think.
one of my gramma's neighbours shot himself in his backyard.
my sister had a classmate in junior high who hanged herself. she was the first case i ever heard about ctb. i didn't know that was even a concept. her story made me really sad and i think about her everyday despite having never met her.
my step-dad's brother shot himself, this was before i was born i think.
one of my gramma's neighbours shot himself in his backyard.
my sister had a classmate in junior high who hanged herself. she was the first case i ever heard about ctb. i didn't know that was even a concept. her story made me really sad and i think about her everyday despite having never met her.
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My friends dad who was also a friend of the family. I was maybe 10 or 11 years old. I just saw him the week before. His wife wanted to divorce him and take the kids. The day before she was supposed to sign the papers, he drove his car off a cliff in the middle of the night. Seeing his wife at the funeral made me sick. She had no emotion, just smiled sometimes.
My uncle. He had auto immune disease. His pain was so bad, he hung himself when kids were at school and wife was at work. I saw him maybe a month before. The way people reacted to his suicide made me absolutely sick. The lack of sympathy from so many in his immediate family and others close to his family was astonishing, and it made me think to myself "no wonder he CTB".
My mother came close. Her and my father went through a nasty divorce and even though she wanted to see me and get a court order he played legal games to delay court cause he had a lot of money and she had nothing, and my aunt found her in her room a few seconds in partial.
I think after I heard about that, a hole grew in my heart that never went away.
My cousin, who was a bright straight A student from grade school to college, whom I grew up with, could no longer stand this world, and grew up in an abusive household. She gave up. She did hard drugs and got arrested. She was into meth. A few days after she got bail, she decided that this place wasn't for her, and bought heroin and 1.5 liters of booze one time and massively overdosed and was gone.
My uncle. He had auto immune disease. His pain was so bad, he hung himself when kids were at school and wife was at work. I saw him maybe a month before. The way people reacted to his suicide made me absolutely sick. The lack of sympathy from so many in his immediate family and others close to his family was astonishing, and it made me think to myself "no wonder he CTB".
My mother came close. Her and my father went through a nasty divorce and even though she wanted to see me and get a court order he played legal games to delay court cause he had a lot of money and she had nothing, and my aunt found her in her room a few seconds in partial.
I think after I heard about that, a hole grew in my heart that never went away.
My cousin, who was a bright straight A student from grade school to college, whom I grew up with, could no longer stand this world, and grew up in an abusive household. She gave up. She did hard drugs and got arrested. She was into meth. A few days after she got bail, she decided that this place wasn't for her, and bought heroin and 1.5 liters of booze one time and massively overdosed and was gone.
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karmaisabitch
Mage
- Mar 25, 2024
- 570
My son he was only 16 beautiful soul he was found drowned in the river close to my house he knows how to swim but the police thinks his friend have something to do with it so they are still investigation. How do I feel? Not good he was my only child and I will go after his friend nothing is over yet so before I CTB I'll make sure his friend lol locked in Jail so I can rest in peace. My son was advanced in school and spoiled and that friend is nothing just an empty body walking like a psychopath he was jealous and most likely killed him.
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