A neurological condition literally doesn't let me sleep. a higher dose of Clonazepam (like 3 mg, which isn't even all that high and I'd been on benzos for 20 years) was helping because its an anticonvulsant and I can't tolerate other anticonvulsants. But then I run out of my extra pills, now have major withdrawal and akatisia. I'm also majorly kindled due to coming on and off the med. And nobody in the world will dare to prescribe me 3mg of Clonazepam instead of 2 even though Clonazepam is literally inmpossible to OD on. The lack of sleep was what made me suicidal in the first place. And after fighting so hard and seeing what my life will be like with that neuro problem plus lots of others that stacked up, and also becoming super med intolerant to the point that I wouldn't probably be able to take meds to lower my blood pressure or something like that, I just want to leave this planet. Surviving a very violent family, several nervous breakdowns lasting up to a year and a half (along with a migraine that lasted a year and half), bullying, immigration, no friends, friend betrayals once I found friends, fucked up relationships, constant anxiety, horrible OCD and depression, late diagnosis of autism and bpd, I feel like I fought very hard. But all these neuro problems that came on kind make me want to end it 100%. When I look back at the last 2+ years, I feel like the universe was testing me. I had so many signs and chances to go in the right directions, but I apperently I chose the wrong path every time thinking it would be harmless, and I feel like my choices have killed my health and therefore killed me. I'm terrified of not sleeping.