do you have people who care about you? how do they factor into your decision to ctb?

[chad2018]

one of the main things that has been keeping me from ctb for so long, and i assume others are in the same boat, is that i have a lot of people who care about me who would be permanently scarred if i ctb.

i want to cut people off well before i ctb to avoid this problem as much as possible, but it's been difficult for me to do because i am naturally and instinctually a people-pleaser, i have never cut off anyone in my lifetime, any relationship/friendship that has ended "badly" ended through us mutually icing each other out instead of one person cutting the other off. my best friend sexually abused me and even then, i tried to fix the relationship instead of cutting him off (we eventually stopped talking by circumstance).

i want to ctb because i no longer have the mental energy to enjoy life, essentially no future, not that i have the willpower to think about it anyway. i'm not old by any means but i am happy with what i got to experience in this life. i have no wish to experience more of it

wondering if any of you are also people-focused or people-pleasers and how you are squaring this with your desire to ctb? will you try to cut off those people? do you not care? do you think its wrong to ctb if there are people whose lives would be deeply affected by it, maybe to the point where they would want to also ctb (even if that's not a desire they had before)?

 

[Wormfood]

If I thought about the damage I'd cause my love ones it would prevent me from ctb. I would still be alive and miserable. I can't have that. As far as I am concerned they're callateral damage. If I could take away all their pain I would however the potential suffering they will experience doesn't make it okay for me to live in misery daily where I wear a mask and act like I'm not on fire. Suicide is selfish? I don't care. Nobody owes me anything and vice versa. I'm alone in dealing with my problem and this is the solution I've found. If you don't like it that's your problem.

 

[chad2018]

If I thought about the damage I'd cause my love ones it would prevent me from ctb. I would still be alive and miserable. I can't have that. As far as I am concerned they're callateral damage. If I could take away all their pain I would however the potential suffering they will experience doesn't make it okay for me to live in misery daily where I wear a mask and act like I'm not on fire. Suicide is selfish? I don't care. Nobody owes me anything and vice versa. I'm alone in dealing with my problem and this is the solution I've found. If you don't like it that's your problem.

This is how I have been trying to approach it. My stake in my life (or death) eclipses anyone else's.
In daily life, people act in their own self-interest at the expense of others all the time, even if they respect or care for the other person (breakups and relationship stuff in general, legal shit, etc) and this decision is no different.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I guess and at the moment, sure. However, I can't live for other people forever.

 

[FuneralCry]

The way that I see it nobody is obligated to continue existing just because other people decided to selfishly procreate. We will all have to die and lose everything someday no matter what, loss is just a part of life.

 

[starrvingstar]

yeah they do although eventually they might forget about me and then ill have no one to live for people come and go

i dont want to hurt them

 

[Sparx]

It's going to be very hard on my Dad which makes me feel terrible as he's been a very good father but I'm in mental pain & need a way out. Most of the rest of my family and friends have abandoned me and my Mum is dead.

 

[hypertext]

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. The people who love me are the primary reason I haven't CTB yet. Even more than the issue of hurting them, I'm trying to figure out how I want everyone to be informed of my passing. I wouldn't feel right just going with no warning or explanation... but making decisions has always caused me so much suffering, and the thought of making these decisions about who will find out when I go and how they will find out is crushing me.

 

[Sluggish_Slump]

At this point of time it would be only a relief for my family if I CTB to give them some peace after I violently took it away (I kinda turned to a toxic family member because of mental health issues) , all that is holding me back is lack of opportunity and I don't feel as though I'm competent enough to succeed and need to research further

 

[RichardFirst]

My family will be upset by my passing, but no one will be unable to cope. My mom has my brother, my father has his siblings and my brother has his family. No one relies on me, so my absence will not discommode anyone.

 

[Himalayan]

Cutting people off doesn't help at all, just makes your situation worse and it doesn't make you more likely to ctb

 

[etherealgoddess]

one of the main things that has been keeping me from ctb for so long, and i assume others are in the same boat, is that i have a lot of people who care about me who would be permanently scarred if i ctb.

i want to cut people off well before i ctb to avoid this problem as much as possible, but it's been difficult for me to do because i am naturally and instinctually a people-pleaser, i have never cut off anyone in my lifetime, any relationship/friendship that has ended "badly" ended through us mutually icing each other out instead of one person cutting the other off. my best friend sexually abused me and even then, i tried to fix the relationship instead of cutting him off (we eventually stopped talking by circumstance).

i want to ctb because i no longer have the mental energy to enjoy life, essentially no future, not that i have the willpower to think about it anyway. i'm not old by any means but i am happy with what i got to experience in this life. i have no wish to experience more of it

wondering if any of you are also people-focused or people-pleasers and how you are squaring this with your desire to ctb? will you try to cut off those people? do you not care? do you think its wrong to ctb if there are people whose lives would be deeply affected by it, maybe to the point where they would want to also ctb (even if that's not a desire they had before)?

Something that makes me feel better is the fact that everyone you and I know will be dead one day. Their pain will end, and your death does not really matter in the big picture of the entire universe. Yeah, they'll be hurt. But then they'll be dead. I feel so emotionally exhausted that I truly don't care about anyone else except myself. I love my boyfriend and my family, but whenever they talk about the pain in their lives, all I can feel is apathy, as weird as it is. I just don't want to be here anymore. There's no point. It's a constant back-and-forth between feeling great and then feeling shit. I don't get the point, man. It's stupid.