Discussion Do you have friends? And if you do, do you think they treat you like they should?

[Ferret77]

....Well, I don't have friends....I mean, to be fair, I guess I have a few.... But they're kind of shitty?
I mean...I guess I never really had that many friends, that I have now, but....I still feel like they're not really good friends towards me specifically. I mean, don't get me wrong, I still love them and I'm really grateful for them....But most of the time, it feels like I would do almost everything for them, yet everytime I need help or just company, they can't even do the bare minimum and they're always busy with other friends, and it's just like.... Everytime I try to get closer to someone, they already like all of their other friends more, and I don't even have any chance....And I don't even mind being the last choice everytime at this point, but it's not fair at all, how they don't even remember to invite me somewhere and when I'm with them and ask how was their weekend or what did they do yesterday for example, all I hear is "Oh we had a picnic" Or "Oh we went to a party" "Oh we're going to a cabin and I invited all of my friends to come, it's gonna be fun"
And it kind of makes me sad, don't know...Am I a bad person for thinking this?

 

[Rhymester]

I can relate to this. My so-called "friends" never invite me anywhere and then I end up finding out that they have been places. I had to drop 3 friends this year, one didn't respect my boundaries and the other 2 just didn't care. I think that I'm just a boring person overall.

 

[Hotsackage]

only really have 2 good friends. one so called best friend goes behind my back and invites my other best friend over without considering me. i guess he doesnt want to associate with me anymore because im disabled. doesnt bother me though, just humerous. my life is technically over at this point anyway.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, I've never really had much interest in that and other people cannot be trusted and relied on anyway, they can very easily just make existing even worse.

 

[avaruus]

No not really, the only friend I talked to daily cut me off 2 years ago. Since then, I've only had some acquaintances that talk to me once in a while, like every couple of months.
I like people, i just wish i had better social skills and weren't so socially anxious.

 

[avoid]

I have experienced similar situations but not to the extent that friends stopped inviting me entirely. The reason why I got invited less is that I declined too many invitations in the past and never took the initiative to invite them to something. My reason for declining invitations was related to the merger of 2 friend groups and my social awkwardness with people. I tried to merge and mingle with the new friends too but felt completely incompatible so I shied away.

Now, I have struck a balance between wanting to stay at home and hanging out with friends once a month at most. They seem to have accepted me, although I still feel some awkwardness at times. Sometimes they invite me for something and I usually accept because I know what happens if I decline (too often). And whenever I get jealous of hearing about something fun they did without me, I remind myself that I mustn't be jealous because I can't wait for them to invite me—I have to take initiatives too.

So to answer your question: you're not a bad person but you may be a jealous one. I hope the lessons I learned may be of use to you.

 

[wiinterfrost]

i can relate. i was doing everything for friends. i treated them the way i wish i could have been treated in my life. i went through so much abuse that i made extra careful that i never became like my abusers. i would "be the difference i wanted to see in the world" and try to implement my views for ideal society into my existence by being an awesome friend and being extra supportive. i would always losr friends, though because at some point i was like hey no i have boundaries if you keep crossing them you will make me feel worse so i cannot be a good friend. i guess i was also trying to save everyone from their problems... anyways most friends were shit but i had a few people who actually loved me (have no family so friends were all i had). but they all dropped me when i started to do mentally worse again.

it's been almost a year now that i lost all my friends, one by one, because i became suicidal again. i think there are two people on this earth who still love me for me but one is too busy with her own problems and our triggers don't exactly line up, and the other needs some distance from me because she tries to distance herself from her abusive past and i think i maybe remind her of that too much sometimes.

so i am alone, completely, and have no friends, and it sucks. sorry if this was too vent-y? i just answered your question and got into a little ramble there, oops.
anyways, sorry to hear that this is what you are going through. i don't think you're a bad person for thinking this. i honestly think the concept of "friend" has been very warped and what imo should mean strong bonds, solidarity and support is way watered-down for many people who do not want to face the truth of certain "dark" things other people face.

 

[figurehead]

I've got one friend only, but I'm happy this way as I'm completely unsociable. She's been my friend since we were 17, we don't meedt often, she doesn't bother to invite me to parties etc but I don't feel she should. That's what's great about us, she doesn't mind if I don't come.