I've always hated it. Since I was a young child, I knew I was ugly, no one liked me at school because I looked funny, I have a big crooked long thin nose. It wasn't until highschool when I started wearing makeup, I was so ecstatic that I finally looked pretty, and I could just wear makeup! But when I saw myself in photos, I was horrified. It was not the same face I saw in the mirror, it looked twisted and deformed in pictures, back then we didn't have smartphone cameras, we had old school cameras with developed pics, and I noticed in my school pictures when I got to see them, I was so horrified. I always did something to fuck up my face with beauty routines, like plucking my eyebrows wrong, or putting hair removal creams on my face and messing up my hair line. I remember when webcams came out, that's when we started taking millions of selfies, sitting at the computer. I looked really pretty in my webcam selfies, I finally mastered how to do my make-up, and everyone at school thought I was so pretty, but when I didn't wear makeup, it was scary and shocking lol. But in candid photos, or digital camera photos, I looked totally fucked up!!! It didn't even look like ME, I just couldn't understand it, so I totally avoided having my photo taken. I was able to take nice selfies with my digital camera because it had a little screen on it and I could see a preview. When the selfie generation came with the new iphones etc, I had stopped taking photos of myself by then, I wasn't a teenager anymore or interested. I was also busy with other things like my addiction and my depression, so I didn't care about my looks, and didn't have any need to photograph my face. I am sure if I was normal I'd master selfie taking, and take those fake misleading photos like most girls do on instagram, and I'd probably end up getting botox and stuff too, ugh boy I'm glad I dodged a bullet there! I had body dysmorphia as a teen and I was headed in that direction.
Nowadays I don't give a crap about my face, I don't mind looking in the mirror, I'm so used to it, it's ridiculous how ugly I look, and I've just accepted it, I don't care about looks anymore, in my bathroom mirror I like how I look, simple, and my face shows how much I suffer, I like the darkness around my eyes, I much prefer myself without makeup or just coverup to remove blemishes on the skin, I hate mascara, eyeshadow, eye liner, things I used to be obsessed with. I used to get horrified when I saw my face in a surveillance video in a store or in a mirror, my features are slanted. When I got into the sex industry, my ego boost was totally lifted, I was worshiped by some men (this is very common for most women in the sex industry), most of them loved my face, even without makeup, I know their standards are low compared to what's conventionally attractive, and they're aroused and about to get laid, but they often compared me with other sex workers and were relieved to see me, I guess they ran into some older women or some crack heads (little did they know I was a junkie too lol!). I had to take pics for my sister's graduation, ugh, it's SO FUGLY, and my mom framed it and it's everywhere, I'm the ugliest. Even my older sister who's also ravaged by drug addiction and abuse has natural features, clear skin, straight face etc always looks normal in photos. I always look like a mutant. So yeah, no pics, but don't mind looking in the mirror, I'm used to my stupid face lol.