Discussion Do you guys get mad at others for not noticing your anguish.

[cylus46]

Allow me to elaborate. Like most people on here im depressed, angry, mentally ill, the whole 9 yards. However I do a very good job at hiding it, too good. I will laugh with people, crack jokes, and help people with their problems on the surface it's near impossible for anyone to notice im struggling and I AM AWARE of this. Yet even though I'm aware of how well I mask my true self I still find myself being angry at my closest friends and family for not noticing my slip ups- or crys for help. It makes me feel mad at myself because who am I to get mad at them? Why am I mad at them in the first place?
Im curious to hear others opinions, i feel like a asshole but luckily I'm too self aware to take anything out on others. I just bottle it up and abuse myself :3

 

[gottacheckout]

Like you I hide my feelings and issues. I'm also good at it but wouldn't want it any different. There is only one person that I share with and they understand my situation.

It sounds like you might still want help, nothing wrong with that. It's there one person you trust the most?

 

[Doll Steak]

I hate myself for opening up because that places a pressure on others to get me help. And then I also hate myself for not opening up because then I'm just being a dramatic pussy. Sometimes I REALLY do want help, maybe just a friend or a hug, and then in that same moment I don't fucking care for any of it.

 

[trailend]

I put 0 effort into hiding how depressed I feel all the time yet it feels like everyone is completely clueless. I gave up on trying to hide it years ago and it has made 0 difference. My family thinks I'm cured after going to a psychiatrist and taking meds (i have tried almost all types there are atp) even though they do absolutely nothing for my depression and i've made this clear.

 

[frayed]

yet it feels like everyone is completely clueless

probably easier for them than the alternative

 

[trailend]

probably easier for them than the alternative

Honestly that's probably it, if I end up ctb that's when suddenly they'll feel sad that I'm gone, but in reality once that fades it'll just be one huge inconvenience less that they have to deal with.

 

[SpinandPainr]

often yeah. I keep it to myself though. I know i have many people who care for me

 

[Rynalia]

I could get hit by a car and the people around me would probably think I'm fine.

I can't even be mad anymore. I have two states, being ignored, or being gaslit.

 

[frayed]

Honestly that's probably it, if I end up ctb that's when suddenly they'll feel sad that I'm gone, but in reality once that fades it'll just be one huge inconvenience less that they have to deal with.

was there ever a time when they cared or worried about you?

 

[trailend]

was there ever a time when they cared or worried about you?

My family? Maybe when I was younger and there was still hope of me being the perfect child. But by now I'm just a huge embarrassment.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I hate myself for opening up because that places a pressure on others to get me help. And then I also hate myself for not opening up because then I'm just being a dramatic pussy. Sometimes I REALLY do want help, maybe just a friend or a hug, and then in that same moment I don't fucking care for any of it.

I feel this. But over time, the repeated disappointments have sapped away the instinct to reach out. It still rears its ugly head every once in a while, but mostly, I just suffer in silence now. There's nothing they could do for me anyway.

 

[PI3.14]

I used to hide my feelings too, I stopped doing that few years ago. Now everyone notices my pain. It wasn't actually a conscious decision but rather pain became too much for me to be able to hide. Anyone who meets me now can see the pain that is eating every part of my soul. I don't show it by choice, it's just too much that it's easy for others to notice.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I used to but more, the reverse of this in that my 'normal' was a low, worried mood. So, I'd feel hurt when my best friend didn't realise I was in an especially bad state. Obviously, I also understood that it was unreasonable to expect that and that empathy fatigue is understandable. It's tricky though when you feel desperately unhappy/ scared and, just want to be helped.

I find that when I do have people around, I do tend to start to at least hope to depend on them excessively. Ultimately, being (understandably) knocked back enough made me realise my overdependence wasn't healthy or fair so now, it's tilted in the opposite direction, where I largely isolate. Weirdly, I'm more ok with that.

I suppose it did help to have people around at times but then, looking back- did it actually solve or change anything? Could it even? Plus, the hurt of feeling like a burden was awful. I actually remember specific moments I realised I needed to pull away and try to cope independently. I'm not a total island but, much more so now and I feel at least calmer, if not happier for it.