Discussion Do you find that your suicidal tendencies allow you to be reckless

[YoungThugLover]

Me wanting to die and generally not caring about life has led me to do wild shit in the past and on a smaller spectrum day to day i find myself taking more risk and not caring about consequences

I have some history of alcohol problems so my family hates when i drink. This thread idea came to mind because despite me probably being bitched at in the morning im about to raid the liquor in the house

 

[wxtyubidi7y]

Yes, I have found that there is a danger when you have thoughts of ctb that you make very short term decisions.

"I might as well do X cos I'm gonna kms anyway"

 

[ChickenAndPotatoes]

Yes, I have found that there is a danger when you have thoughts of ctb that you make very short term decisions.

"I might as well do X cos I'm gonna kms anyway"

Very very true.

 

[bigj75]

Yes, I have found that there is a danger when you have thoughts of ctb that you make very short term decisions.

"I might as well do X cos I'm gonna kms anyway"

exactly!

I risk everything

 

[Virgo]

Yes, except for things that could cause permanent damage.

 

[TheLastTrip]

Nope, it helps me to cope when things go bad as I can think "ah well I am ctb anyway", but reckless? Hell no, I have N to get, I can't afford to get arrested or hurt myself so I can't fly etc, if anything I am more careful now (which is pretty hard to do tbh).

 

[bigj75]

Nope, it helps me to cope when things go bad as I can think "ah well I am ctb anyway", but reckless? Hell no, I have N to get, I can't afford to get arrested or hurt myself so I can't fly etc, if anything I am more careful now (which is pretty hard to do tbh).

I agree with this too.

 

[worldexploder]

When I was planning or right before I attempted, I behaved the same way. Still cautious natured. Didn't want to do anything that would make my sentient life worse before I CTB.

 

[Dog Food]

Yes. That's how I started my alcoholism, the idea of "well, I might as well." Now vodka or low calorie beer is literally all I consume.

 

[TAW122]

Part of me wanting my method to be around is a form of coping for me. It's basically a reassurance of "Well, I'll give life everything I've got, but if things really fail and doesn't work out, I'll just ctb and that'll be the end of my life." Though if my method is taken or threatened, then I will definitely ctb at my earliest possible convenience regardless of consequences and the future because to me if I people are gonna steal my exit, then I may as well exit to prevent my exit from being (permanently) stolen.

Anyways, to answer the question, I've found that I would likely be very, very careful up until the moment I ctb because I couldn't afford to lose it or jeopardize my exit. Specifically, if I obtain a firearm, then I would likely have to be very cautious to not set off any red flags up and until the point I ctb. I feel that if I'm reckless then it would raise suspicions that I may be a danger to myself or others thus drawing unwanted attention and intervention in my life.

Nope, it helps me to cope when things go bad as I can think "ah well I am ctb anyway", but reckless? Hell no, I have N to get, I can't afford to get arrested or hurt myself so I can't fly etc, if anything I am more careful now (which is pretty hard to do tbh).

Same here, but in my case, a firearm.

When I was planning or right before I attempted, I behaved the same way. Still cautious natured. Didn't want to do anything that would make my sentient life worse before I CTB.

This is also important if in the (rare) event that one decides to go towards the path of recovery. Also, I don't think ruining my sentient life will help me in any way, it might hinder my attempt (as in more people keeping a closer eye on me, making it harder to find opportunities to ctb.).

 

[Rollo]

Me wanting to die and generally not caring about life has led me to do wild shit in the past and on a smaller spectrum day to day i find myself taking more risk and not caring about consequences

I have some history of alcohol problems so my family hates when i drink. This thread idea came to mind because despite me probably being bitched at in the morning im about to raid the liquor in the house

To me risking it is a healthy thing reagardless of whether you want to ctb or not. Healthy to take those short-term or rather immediate gratification decisions. Although it's not that I don't care about possible consequences, it's that I accept them. 'Recklessness' is in an eye of beholder really.

 

[Schopenhauer]

Nope. I always try to take into account the possibility of failure, or having second thoughts. Nuking my own life will only make things worse.

 

[Donewith_]

I think that way to some extent

 

[dysfunctional]

Unfortunately yes, I have essentially lost control of my life.

 

[weedoge]

Me wanting to die and generally not caring about life has led me to do wild shit in the past and on a smaller spectrum day to day i find myself taking more risk and not caring about consequences

I have some history of alcohol problems so my family hates when i drink. This thread idea came to mind because despite me probably being bitched at in the morning im about to raid the liquor in the house

Yes I completely understand self destructive and self sabotaging behaviour. It started off with dropping out of college at 17 and over the years it becomes harder to rationalise behaving... In a self respecting preserving way. I use the fact that I'm not scared of death to justify really silly things to myself. Cycling the night roads with no lights, being very risky when buying weed, getting involved with people who will likely hurt me. Any self destroying impulse seems more reasonable when "huh, if things go too bad I can just die sooner" is always in the back of your mind. I was going to give better examples but I'm too tired sorry.

 

[OnlyMercy]

Knowing that death will occur soon doesn't really cause reckless behaviour for me.

I do, however, find myself showing no tolerance for bullshit and unnecessary drama. It is eerily effortless for me to simply walk away from situations which cause unwarranted stress or discomfort.

 

[OthelloToOblivion]

completely. not anything big, because like most people have said don't want to raise alarms, but stupid shit like not checking to cross the road, or sucking on random tablets when or if I have them. not taking them, but eating the same way you would a mint

 

[Final Escape]

Me wanting to die and generally not caring about life has led me to do wild shit in the past and on a smaller spectrum day to day i find myself taking more risk and not caring about consequences

I have some history of alcohol problems so my family hates when i drink. This thread idea came to mind because despite me probably being bitched at in the morning im about to raid the liquor in the house

Yes, self abandonment and sabotage.

 

[NumbItAll]

I'm not reckless because I'm undecided about ctb and want my life to be salvageable if I don't. I do get some comfort from knowing I have the option, though.

 

[Meeseeks]

I'm at a crossroads with Ctb. However, my impulsivity and self sabotage has not helped and has lead me further in the hole. Woopty doo.

 

[moodygrl]

Knowing that death will occur soon doesn't really cause reckless behaviour for me.

I do, however, find myself showing no tolerance for bullshit and unnecessary drama. It is eerily effortless for me to simply walk away from situations which cause unwarranted stress or discomfort.

This in a way. I just behave ignorant and aloof, not interested when people are around, keep to myself and avoid, spending time on my phone. Not to hurt anybody but Im just incapable of wearing any kind of mask. I guess "Ive given up" is written across my forehead.

 

[GoBack]

Yep reckless. Even when I was trying to better my life by going to college I couldn't get past that 'death wish fuck it' mentality. College is the only thing I didn't fail at in life, though I could have done better if I wasn't drinking so much.

 

[Enterthevoid]

Haha yes absolutely. I have developed BPD, personally assuming that spending years and years with suicidal ideation as my only tether has led me to become so unstable. It's miserable though and I would not recommend it. Recklessness only creates more problems, more distractions... breeds hopelessness and confusion. (I started developing severe depression around 12 years old, my parents were neglectful and would not send me to therapy) If I had known that help would be available in the future and been able to believe it, who knows what might be different.

 

[GoBack]

Reckless behaviour is addictive, it's the adrenaline I suppose. I always chose the reckless path over the sensible one. It worked out most the time but my luck ran out. Or my guardian angel said 'fuck this I quit you re on your own'

 

[Bct]

Indeed. I usually wear a helm when riding a motorbike even if the distance isn't too far, but now I barely use it if it's near.

And despite of COVID outbreak I don't care if I'm affected so I'm still going outside as usual, yet still being careful so I won't infect others.

 

[NekoNomNom]

Indeed. I usually wear a helm when riding a motorbike even if the distance isn't too far, but now I barely use it if it's near.

And despite of COVID outbreak I don't care if I'm affected so I'm still going outside as usual, yet still being careful so I won't infect others.

That is exactly what I've been doing too, concerning COVID. I've also been driving just a little more recklessly than I normally would, provided I'm alone.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I ran up £13,000 worth of debt in a year through reckless spending, credit cards etc all with the thought that I won't be here for long so it won't matter. When it's particularly bad I drive recklessly, speed etc.

 

[MyStateKilledMe]

I've been drinking more than before, and I took up smoking. If I CTB soon, to avoid living in a future devoid of real human contact---because Fauci says we have to give up shaking hands and hugging forever---I don't need to worry about keeping my liver and lungs in usable shape.

I just don't eat more than before. One, I don't have much of appetite, so why bother. Two, I don't want to be too heavy for the pallbearers to carry me.

 

[Unspoken]

Definitely more reckless. Been using drugs recreationally that I never thought I'd use. I simply don't care anymore. Might as well have some fun on my way out.

 

[SpareWheel]

Nah, sadly. I wish I could go out in a blaze of glory, fuck some shit up, leave a path of destruction in my wake, screw loads of random loose women etc but I'm still the same introverted person, all I've done really is spend a lot of money on nothing. I had this silly fantasy I'd go absolutely crazy beforehand, doing all the things I'd stopped myself doing due to being insecure, shy, self conscious - it just isn't in me. Now if I got hold of a big bag of ecstacy, I'd probably go with a bang, causing some major havoc along the way, but - coronavirus! It's almost impossible to get hold of toilet roll or paracetamol atm, never mind disco biscuits.

In all my years on this planet, the only times I've ever felt like I've been able to be the real me was when taking ecstacy. Such an eye opener to how we as humans can be if you unshackle the insecurities and social constructs. Just a shame it wears off, and leaves you like a zombie for days depending on how long you've been at it.

If nightclubs are open again when I plan to go, I'll definitely be having one last massive bender.