Do you find it that you're the only one who reaches out to others?

[Save_Me_Mind]

You're the only one who reaches out to others. You constantly check up on others making sure they're fine, giving them some salvation in their lives, making sure their lives are well while yours is deteriorating. Of course they won't ask how you're doing, some may after you ask. But none will ever ask on their own free time. It's too much energy and a waste for them, they have a complex that they're better, yet they keep falling short and wondering why no one ever cares about them. They constantly contradict themselves-....
Ahem Excuse me, allow me to get back to my point...
Life is short enough as it is, and you're constantly in the state of being alone. No one is ever their for you when you need it. People don't check up on you. You're kind and do favors but they're not returned. It's fucking taxing especially when you're someone has been depressed for most of your life (chemical imbalance, I know, ha, everyone has it). I refuse to take medicine, simply because I was born not born this way, this came 8 years after I have received life and I refuse to let environment dictate my actions and behaviors. I believe to be in a state of purgatory, I don't see any of this to be real, and I still believe that I died on that day. Everyone's fake, you can't trust anyone until they show their true colors, just someone... please be out their where you don't have to fucking mask everything. I care for you, you care for me. But people leave without an explanation, you can tell that others don't want to be around you, yet you'll never find out a reason why. So your brain starts to spiral through all your beliefs and you find that what you deem as "good", that rule has not been violated by yourself you. Everything seems to be contradicted and you lose sanity and start to end up disassociating. It's a torturous illusion. You cannot see, everything you view is fake coloring, and their is nothing real to be seen. So go ahead, start dancing and laughing like the joker. Say what you want and live life. Be yourself. And if you read this and you feel disgusted by me and my thoughts, don't blame me, YOU made me like this.

- that's the end of this fucking rant, enjoy.

 

[dragonofenvy]

Yep. I apparently am not good enough for people to contact first except on rare occasions. I've helped others through their shit but whenever I am going through something, well I'm supposed to not talk about it. Someone in our small discord group told everyone that she attempted suicide and she was flooded with sympathy and well-wishing. When I had brought up how I was so lonely that I wanted to die I was told that I shouldn't say things like that. Guess some people don't deserve support according to them. This is why I'm on this site.

This was a great post. Really meant a lot to me. It was exactly how I felt. While it's sad, it's comforting knowing that someone else knows how it feels.

 

[Save_Me_Mind]

Yep. I apparently am not good enough for people to contact first except on rare occasions. I've helped others through their shit but whenever I am going through something, well I'm supposed to not talk about it. Someone in our small discord group told everyone that she attempted suicide and she was flooded with sympathy and well-wishing. When I had brought up how I was so lonely that I wanted to die I was told that I shouldn't say things like that. Guess some people don't deserve support according to them. This is why I'm on this site.

This was a great post. Really meant a lot to me. It was exactly how I felt. While it's sad, it's comforting knowing that someone else knows how it feels.

Hey, I don't know if this will mean anything since I'm just a random fuck online. But I appreciate that you're real, someone who can relate is real to me, and you understand the fucking pain. So thank you. I want to ask you.... How are you? How are you feeling? I hope you can find days you'll enjoy my friend. I'm not the best at asking people shit but I hope that's something...

 

[dragonofenvy]

Hey, I don't know if this will mean anything since I'm just a random fuck online. But I appreciate that you're real, someone who can relate is real to me, and you understand the fucking pain. So thank you. I want to ask you.... How are you? How are you feeling? I hope you can find days you'll enjoy my friend. I'm not the best at asking people shit but I hope that's something...

Heh, don't worry. I'm not great at asking people these sorts of things either. A "random fuck online" asking genuinely feels a lot better than the deafening silence I'm used to or the cordial response of "how are you?" with the expectation that you'll follow the script and say "good." and leave it at that.

To answer your question, mostly not well (we're all not, we're all on this site lol). I'm a little mad at myself for spending so much time on this site again. I took a 3 month break and have recently spent hours per day here. I feel like I should spend less time but eh whatever. I've Been very isolated for the last few weeks as the couple of people I talked to on Discord have a massive addiction to some new games that came out recently and that therefore means that they can't find the time to send a couple of messages or idle in a call or anything like that. Been unemployed for the last month and was pretty bummed about that and that's probably why I'm spending so much time here. For some good news, today I had a decent interview where the manager said "I don't like interviews so I'm just gonna say you're basically hired." so I hope that goes somewhere.

I know this is gonna feel like a broken record since you talked about reaching out first, and then you asked me how I was doing, and now I'm about to reply with the same question after you did, but I think it's a little different to do it with likeminded people as opposed to... whatever everyone else is.

How have things been going for you? I'm not sure things are going well given the post and if you want to talk about that you're welcome to, this is a pretty open forum after all. A lot of the time things don't go well. I hope they go better.

 

[Save_Me_Mind]

Heh, don't worry. I'm not great at asking people these sorts of things either. A "random fuck online" asking genuinely feels a lot better than the deafening silence I'm used to or the cordial response of "how are you?" with the expectation that you'll follow the script and say "good." and leave it at that.

To answer your question, mostly not well (we're all not, we're all on this site lol). I'm a little mad at myself for spending so much time on this site again. I took a 3 month break and have recently spent hours per day here. I feel like I should spend less time but eh whatever. I've Been very isolated for the last few weeks as the couple of people I talked to on Discord have a massive addiction to some new games that came out recently and that therefore means that they can't find the time to send a couple of messages or idle in a call or anything like that. Been unemployed for the last month and was pretty bummed about that and that's probably why I'm spending so much time here. For some good news, today I had a decent interview where the manager said "I don't like interviews so I'm just gonna say you're basically hired." so I hope that goes somewhere.

I know this is gonna feel like a broken record since you talked about reaching out first, and then you asked me how I was doing, and now I'm about to reply with the same question after you did, but I think it's a little different to do it with likeminded people as opposed to... whatever everyone else is.

How have things been going for you? I'm not sure things are going well given the post and if you want to talk about that you're welcome to, this is a pretty open forum after all. A lot of the time things don't go well. I hope they go better.

Hey, I'm glad you're being honest (well that's what I assume), but yeah, makes sense that most here is not well. I too have started using this website again, not as a way to CTB anytime soon, but instead learn and understand more, like when I was first on this website before my first attempt, I learned sooo much valuable information. And I feel that when people are too busy or just don't care about you. I hope that new job goes well.

Don't worry, it doesn't sound like a broken record, I'm thankful for you asking me these questions. And I too will answer honestly.

Life has been full of contradictions recently, along with my new vision. A vision that allows me to see the fake vs the real. Those who want you just for clout then talk to you again. Or use up all the value you have, skills knowledge, wealth, etc... I have discord as well, so if you wanna add me, or me add you, just PM me yours or smth. Have a good one.