Do you feel terror during your days?

[nosoul]

I'm feeling scared and frightful, I want to ctb to end this constant feeling of dread. I feel like a lost boy despite being a grown man, like I will end up in the mental hospital screaming out of fear and dieing there, unbearable anxiety, everyday, and I'm determined to not end up there.

I don't know all, this is the worst feeling ever

 

[MrShino]

Terror and dread? Yeah. Almost daily. But it comes and goes like the shifting of the winds. There's good times also! But when it hits, oh man, it's bad.

 

[leavingsoon99]

I mean...

If you're feeling like THIS, maybe you should hold off and get a little more self-clarification. Sure, I'm afraid. But, not to the point of dread. Is there a chance that my method will fail? Of course. However, I'm determined to leave. I've made this up in my mind years ago. I'm ready. If you're having doubts, then you need to explore that and make sure that you're actually wanting to do this.

Just an outsider's observation.

 

[Dominicka]

I'm feeling scared and frightful, I want to ctb to end this constant feeling of dread. I feel like a lost boy despite being a grown man, like I will end up in the mental hospital screaming out of fear and dieing there, unbearable anxiety, everyday, and I'm determined to not end up there.

I don't know all, this is the worst feeling ever

Yes, I know that sense of dread and panic well.

 

[nosoul]

I mean...

If you're feeling like THIS, maybe you should hold off and get a little more self-clarification. Sure, I'm afraid. But, not to the point of dread. Is there a chance that my method will fail? Of course. However, I'm determined to leave. I've made this up in my mind years ago. I'm ready. If you're having doubts, then you need to explore that and make sure that you're actually wanting to do this.

Just an outsider's observation.

Interesting you think that. I've also made up my mind, my mind is truly broken. I have to find reliable method and take care of some things. If I had N right now. I'd take it I think despite just leaving behind a mess. My body randomly twitches like I've seen some horror cases in the hospital.

The terror is some crazy thing I did to my brain, and I don't want meds for rest of my life making it more dull.

I'm feeling just fear and anxiety about living I mean, just staying alive doesn't feel right anymore. Thx for writing.

 

[singularity3]

24/7

 

[leavingsoon99]

Interesting you think that. I've also made up my mind, my mind is truly broken. I have to find reliable method and take care of some things. If I had N right now. I'd take it I think despite just leaving behind a mess. My body randomly twitches like I've seen some horror cases in the hospital.

The terror is some crazy thing I did to my brain, and I don't want meds for rest of my life making it more dull.

I'm feeling just fear and anxiety about living I mean, just staying alive doesn't feel right anymore. Thx for writing.

I feel this. I live in America. So, firearms are (pretty much) available to anyone. My solution is clear. I'm not sure what your options are. I will speak to the terror. It's real. I feel it too. The thought of being a vegetable being kept alive by "well meaning" people just frightens me to no end. I'm certain that it will work though. What are your options?

 

[NinePointEight]

I'm feeling scared and frightful, I want to ctb to end this constant feeling of dread. I feel like a lost boy despite being a grown man, like I will end up in the mental hospital screaming out of fear and dieing there, unbearable anxiety, everyday, and I'm determined to not end up there.

I

I'm feeling scared and frightful, I want to ctb to end this constant feeling of dread. I feel like a lost boy despite being a grown man, like I will end up in the mental hospital screaming out of fear and dieing there, unbearable anxiety, everyday, and I'm determined to not end up there.

I don't know all, this is the worst feeling ever

Yes,
don't know all, this is the worst feeling everU

Yes, I feel extremely panicky and filled with terror. Not always, but much of the time. Mark Goulston, an expert suicidologist, has used those exact words to describe a suicidal mind. He said that suicidal people feel terror, and they believe that the only thing will stop their pain is death. Dr. Mark Goulston was a very smart man. His writings have helped me to understand my condition much better than anyone else. That said, I encourage you not to feel completely hopeless because in some cases the terror can be mitigated or defused. But I understand how you feel exactly. Sometimes I feel like I just can't take it anymore.

 

[DeadWallflower]

I'm terrified of living and I'm terrified of dying. I don't know which is worse. I almost tried to CTB, but the method would probably have failed and caused such a mess. I'm glad, I didn't do it, but wish I knew how I'm going to do it. I want to be prepared. Not just do it impulsively. Really hope this place can help me.

 

[nosoul]

I feel this. I live in America. So, firearms are (pretty much) available to anyone. My solution is clear. I'm not sure what your options are. I will speak to the terror. It's real. I feel it too. The thought of being a vegetable being kept alive by "well meaning" people just frightens me to no end. I'm certain that it will work though. What are your options?

Ordered SN, looking for Fent, guns not as easy near me near NYC. This your chosen route? Can we have an SS meet up, do it all together somewhere:)
Just took some sleep meds, trazadone and klonopin, it will be the only peace I feel all day.

Yes, I feel extremely panicky and filled with terror. Not always, but much of the time. Mark Goulston, an expert suicidologist, has used those exact words to describe a suicidal mind. He said that suicidal people feel terror, and they believe that the only thing will stop their pain is death. Dr. Mark Goulston was a very smart man. His writings have helped me to understand my condition much better than anyone else. That said, I encourage you not to feel completely hopeless because in some cases the terror can be mitigated or defused. But I understand how you feel exactly. Sometimes I feel like I just can't take it anymore.

Yeah sadly I'm going to need meds to keep the ruse going. I just had a pleasant chat with some people outside while smoking a cig, fake laughing, smiling, but inside I'm already dead. Not eating and sleeping is driving me crazy, like I'm feeling the hardrive being wiped out, looking to be gone before that happens. Didn't ever think this would be my fate but so it is. Sucks you can't find N. I sometimes feel like spontaneously hanging myself but I'm in a crowded city and in a hotel.

 

[miserableforever]

I'm feeling scared and frightful, I want to ctb to end this constant feeling of dread. I feel like a lost boy despite being a grown man, like I will end up in the mental hospital screaming out of fear and dieing there, unbearable anxiety, everyday, and I'm determined to not end up there.

I don't know all, this is the worst feeling ever

Same. I'm being sexually harassed during phone calls constantly by an ex. It's been years of me trying to escape. And then there's my family supporting this pos. I have so many problems, no one should be going through what I have to endure.
Everything turned into 24/7 anxiety and trust me, I know how you feel

 

[MrShino]

Same. I'm being sexually harassed during phone calls constantly by an ex. It's been years of me trying to escape. And then there's my family supporting this pos. I have so many problems, no one should be going through what I have to endure.
Everything turned into 24/7 anxiety and trust me, I know how you feel

Can't you just not take the phones? Or get a new number or something

 

[miserableforever]

Can't you just not take the phones? Or get a new number or something

He has my kids once a week. They're not biologically his but he got legal visitation rights when we divorced. It's the law in my country. I couldn't afford a lawyer and this is now my reality. He wants me back desperately and I worry about my daughters, so I deal with the mental torture.

 

[goodbye_._]

I feel fear every day. I'm scared to leave my house, due to my trauma I'm scared even when nothing is happening to me. I live in a constant state of fear, it's exhausting. Even in my dreams. Surprisingly the only thing I'm not scared of is death.

 

[MrShino]

He has my kids once a week. They're not biologically his but he got legal visitation rights when we divorced. It's the law in my country. I couldn't afford a lawyer and this is now my reality. He wants me back desperately and I worry about my daughters, so I deal with the mental torture.

Sorry to hear that! Is it possible to take some legal actions against this?

 

[miserableforever]

Sorry to hear that! Is it possible to take some legal actions against this?

I have tried. Order than a restraining order, no. He'd still be able to have them over and I don't trust the person. Can't ctb with little people that need me. It's tough

 

[MrShino]

I have tried. Order than a restraining order, no. He'd still be able to have them over and I don't trust the person. Can't ctb with little people that need me. It's tough

Would a restraining order and a prevention of him harassing you on phone be possible and enough perhaps? I understand it's bad that he keeps some custody, but maybe it's possible to at least be free from the harassment?

 

[warriorofeld]

I'm feeling scared and frightful, I want to ctb to end this constant feeling of dread. I feel like a lost boy despite being a grown man, like I will end up in the mental hospital screaming out of fear and dieing there, unbearable anxiety, everyday, and I'm determined to not end up there.

I don't know all, this is the worst feeling ever

Oh yes. Even when I sleep when I can sleep that is. Its hard going to work and trying to interact with people while I am in a constant state of dread hell even some people have noticed the difference in me while I try to hide it.

 

[orca87]

Always. The last week I woke up drowning in sweat, sometimes nightmares, sometimes just sinister thoughts that ruined my day. For three days in a row now, I at least woke up without this. These sinister thoughts, however, set in the second I wake up (not waken up by them anymore, though). And over the day, this grief, guilt, and feeling out of place grow like cancer in my mind and I can't make it stop.

 

[Mirrory Me]

The fact that you feel more like a child in those moments can either indicate that your traumas come from early childhood or that it is your way of dealing with things when you feel insecure. It's normal that things like this come up from time to time, I would recommend learning about treating the inner child with different methods - it can be strange, but it has a healing effect.

 

[The Howling Void]

I feel constant dread of the future and panic about the present.

 

[nosoul]

Always. The last week I woke up drowning in sweat, sometimes nightmares, sometimes just sinister thoughts that ruined my day. For three days in a row now, I at least woke up without this. These sinister thoughts, however, set in the second I wake up (not waken up by them anymore, though). And over the day, this grief, guilt, and feeling out of place grow like cancer in my mind and I can't make it stop.

Exactly it's poison to feel this way, I remember the joy I used to feel, now it'd just nightmare