Discussion do you feel like you're ready?

[bluegodism]

i see a lot of people here talking about being ready. what does being ready mean to you? are you ready?

i don't know exactly what it means to be ready for me, but i'm sure i am. my SI is not so big that it prevents me from doing anything and i feel very calm about thinking about my suicide. i'm not afraid at all. i have no will to live. i think i'm ready.

 

[Darkover]

yeap been ready for 7 years now just can't get my hands on what i need to ctb

 

[bluegodism]

yeap been ready for 7 years now just can't get my hands on what i need to ctb

what is your method?

 

[Darkover]

what is your method?

olanzapine overdose i've had experience with it before and went into a coma for 2 days only took 250mg, would need 12 grams tho or ideally nembutal

 

[Freedom35]

I have no choice but to commit suicide. My life is suffering beyond what can be comprehended by nearly anyone. I became homeless a few months ago and lost the ability to sleep. I haven't slept in months, I just lost consciousness for a few hours and then wake up in agony. I am in a mental hospital now and may be civilly committed because I said I wanted to jump in front of a train. I lost everything, the woman of my dreams and her beautiful child being the one I can't stop thinking about. I lost my home, my city, my car,y sanity and my dignity. I am so ready but I have no way except for train which is awful.

 

[pagedelight]

I don't know if I'm ready. Being ready feels like something that fluctuates for me. Sometimes I feel motivated to do it and other times I don't. A lot of the inertia to CTB is impotent though because I haven't figured out how exactly I'm going to do it.

 

[LonelyFerret]

I don't know if I ever will be fully ready. I bought my gun and ammo months ago and haven't gotten around to doing all the prep I want prior to CTB (suicide note(s), clearing out personal items, etc.) My elderly ferret that had chronic health issues recently passed so I think now would be as good a time as ever. Having the peace of mind that I won't be leaving her behind was a major mental barrier for me.

 

[LunarLynx]

I think I am

I don't have everything I need to CTB peacefully right now but just a question of days.

I wrote a letter for every person I like + familly

I just need to find a place to CTB, a date and a way to send letters.

Otherwise I'm ready, no more goals to accomplish, nothing to care about. Just to finally end it !

 

[CTB_random]

yeap been ready for 7 years now just can't get my hands on what i need to ctb

At that point you might just wanna switch methods

 

[littlelungs]

In a nutshell, to me, being ready means being physically, mentally and spiritually ready, having my method covered and having my affairs in order as much as possible.

I tick all of the boxes except the last one, although I'm objectively very close to finally being done with that aspect as well. It's been incredibly difficult because literally any strain whatsoever causes my condition to deteriorate, but it needs to happen sooner rather than later because it's never going to get any easier, and I don't want to leave behind a huge, confusing shit-show. I don't want there to be any question marks, I want the right things go to the right people, and I don't want to make things more any more difficult for people than it already will be.

As for what exactly being physically, mentally and spiritually ready means to me, that could be its own long post. I really struggle to articulate things properly due to brain fog – one of the many symptoms of the illness that makes me so incredibly suicidal, but even that is still "just" a piece of the puzzle in my overall suicidality, although it's nevertheless a big one – but it's just a certain, overall feeling based on a collection of factors. I know how it feels to want to die but to feel not quite ready for a reason I can't totally put my finger on (despite all of the suffering), and I know how it feels to be ready, because in the existential (i.e. physical, mental, emotional) sense, I've been truly ready for a few years now. Now, it's just a matter of finishing up with the rest of the technical stuff that I mentioned above, so that I can be completely ready and get the hell out of this body.

Also, just the fact that I've got a bottle of some nice sparkling wine put aside for "the big day" to celebrate there finally being an end to all of this pain, illness, trauma and overall suffering, and the fact that just the mere thought of that makes me want to cry tears of relief... I think that in itself says a lot about my degree of "ready-ness" as well.

 

[huphup]

No I don't. I wish that my depression wouldn't fluctuate up and down so much because I get more hope during the up periods, but it all goes back to me being suicidal again. I wish it was more constant. I guess I may never be 100% ready.

 

[bonemilk]

to me, i'd say "ready" for suicide just means a mindset of complete determination to go for it, no hesitation & preparation not rlly required
so, i'd say i'm 50% there and 50% not. i know possible methods and have enough suicide ideation to go thru with it, but i haven't fully decided to kill myself (yet). i don't rlly have much of a reason to live tho and i'm chronically bored. life is super weird the way our instinct clings onto it despite how depressed we are

 

[dinosavr]

The part of me who hopes to recover procrastinates writing goodbye notes, cleaning the room, etc. And these are the things that I'd rather do before I go. So I'm not ready yet :(

 

[eashanm]

I've prepared for death.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel like I am but the only proof will be when the time comes- my Dad passes on. I feel like I'll immediately start taking meto when I hear but of course- no one really knows till their time actually comes. We're probably all different.

 

[Rhizomorph1]

In a nutshell, to me, being ready means being physically, mentally and spiritually ready, having my method covered and having my affairs in order as much as possible.

I tick all of the boxes except the last one, although I'm objectively very close to finally being done with that aspect as well. It's been incredibly difficult because literally any strain whatsoever causes my condition to deteriorate, but it needs to happen sooner rather than later because it's never going to get any easier, and I don't want to leave behind a huge, confusing shit-show. I don't want there to be any question marks, I want the right things go to the right people, and I don't want to make things more any more difficult for people than it already will be.

As for what exactly being physically, mentally and spiritually ready means to me, that could be its own long post. I really struggle to articulate things properly due to brain fog – one of the many symptoms of the illness that makes me so incredibly suicidal, but even that is still "just" a piece of the puzzle in my overall suicidality, although it's nevertheless a big one – but it's just a certain, overall feeling based on a collection of factors. I know how it feels to want to die but to feel not quite ready for a reason I can't totally put my finger on (despite all of the suffering), and I know how it feels to be ready, because in the existential (i.e. physical, mental, emotional) sense, I've been truly ready for a few years now. Now, it's just a matter of finishing up with the rest of the technical stuff that I mentioned above, so that I can be completely ready and get the hell out of this body.

Also, just the fact that I've got a bottle of some nice sparkling wine put aside for "the big day" to celebrate there finally being an end to all of this pain, illness, trauma and overall suffering, and the fact that just the mere thought of that makes me want to cry tears of relief... I think that in itself says a lot about my degree of "ready-ness" as well.

I resonate with everything you wrote. From brain fog to spiritual and existential readiness.

All I have left to do is get my ducks in a row and finish editing my suicide note, write my will, say my goodbyes to family, etc. etc.

It's so much work and I have such little energy to do it so it's a very slow and tedious process but I know it will be worth it for myself and others in the long run.

Unnghhhhh

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I resonate with everything you wrote. From brain fog to spiritual and existential readiness.

All I have left to do is get my ducks in a row and finish editing my suicide note, write my will, say my goodbyes to family, etc. etc.

It's so much work and I have such little energy to do it so it's a very slow and tedious process but I know it will be worth it for myself and others in the long run.

Unnghhhhh

Whenever that happens, I'm definitely gonna miss you around here Rhizo.

 

[Rhizomorph1]

Whenever that happens, I'm definitely gonna miss you around here Rhizo.

You as well Goku

Your presence is warming and kind. We need more people like that.

Il be sure to keep everyone I've gotten to know posted on when/if I decide on a date

 

[Deleted member 65988]

You as well Goku

Your presence is warming and kind. We need more people like that.

Il be sure to keep everyone I've gotten to know posted on when/if I decide on a date

I appreciate that a lot. It a means a lot to me. Please do, whenever and if you decide its your time.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I have no choice but to commit suicide. My life is suffering beyond what can be comprehended by nearly anyone. I became homeless a few months ago and lost the ability to sleep. I haven't slept in months, I just lost consciousness for a few hours and then wake up in agony. I am in a mental hospital now and may be civilly committed because I said I wanted to jump in front of a train. I lost everything, the woman of my dreams and her beautiful child being the one I can't stop thinking about. I lost my home, my city, my car,y sanity and my dignity. I am so ready but I have no way except for train which is awful.

You're right that there is suffering at such extreme levels that it is incomprehensible to nearly every one . That u are suffering so much is an injustice because there is no rational reason why nembutal or assisted suicide shouldn't be available to you and to anyone at least adults

Just being homeless is unbearable torture to many . The combined unbearable pains of starvation, cold weather, dirtyness , worry, attacks beatings by others , and more which cause sleeplessness. Any of these can be extreme pain and torture by themselves but combined much much worse

People can read your description of your horrible suffering but the reality of u going through that is a billion times worse than a human can imagine unless they are actually going through that extreme torture homeless no sleep etc

Some of us are suffering or will soon to that horrible level. It's so crazy prolifers will say how "life is good"or "look at that sunset it's so pretty or good" as if that were worth going extreme torture. It's not by a long shot.

Most humans would want to commit suicide if they were in the horrible situations some of us are in . But they made all the guaranteed painless methods to escape suffering into crimes like nembutal, assisted suicide , cyanide capsules , suicide kits etc

Homelessness is extreme torture for many. Not being able to sleep also by themselves but added all together extreme torture. Who wouldn't drink nembutal or even take cyanide capsules or fentanyl in that situation? Prolifers act like if they are immune to unbearable pain. It's ok to me if others want to live and risk unbearable pain but it's evil to ban the escape from suffering for everyone knowing many are suffering and will suffer unbearably

They have everyone believing life and even old age is a picnic. But ur story and other's show the unimaginable to almost everyone extreme torture and pain that is possible that no bait pleasure is worth going through.

I put that in my tagline years ago that extreme pain can be a billion times worse than a weak human brain can imagine. Only u I and some others understand that is true. I've never heard anyone say that. All I hear and see everywhere is how "wonderful beautiful pleasurable sacred important the gift of life is"

 

[johann_liebert]

I know my anxiety riddled self would never feel truly ready. I hope for once I can just turn my head off and go for it.

 

[Abyssal]

Sometimes I feel I am, but I don't actually go for it so I wonder if it's even true. In reality "being ready" is easier than the media will tell you because it's not like you have to drastically change yourself.

Right now? No, not ready. I'm set on getting to May and even then I feel okayish right now.

 

[until death]

I'm ready

 

[Aim]

I think I never will feel 100% ready it feels like , but the unbearable pain I am in an have been living in for the last 3 years. Is making it extremely hard to stay alive. On some days when I think about death I feel completely at ease, and just want go give inn, but in other days. It's just downright terror and grief to think about. I feel like taking an amount of benzoes beforehand will help me to be able to give all inn to it. But still, crushing sadness can sometimes overwhelm me when thinking about it. I think when I do it, I will have to do it scared.

 

[Antoine_Roquentin]

olanzapine overdose i've had experience with it before and went into a coma for 2 days only took 250mg, would need 12 grams tho or ideally nembutal

Does this really work? Do you have any references?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

When I opened my account here and I really reached the lowest point in my life ever. I thought I was ready but obviously I'm still alive I didn't really attempt. Currently I don't feel "ready to leave" actually suicidal thoughts are fading away.

I think being ready can't be defined exactly what it is it's mix of personal circumstances that lead to the decision that CTB is an option. When the pain of dying / fear of death is less than the pain of life and going on living then a point is reached where someone can say they are really ready to leave. Whether SI still is strong enough to interfere (among other factors) is another topic here.

We might feel ready to leave but humans can endure so much more suffering and pain.

 

[Darkover]

Does this really work? Do you have any references?

https://isg.ku.edu.tr/sites/isg.ku.edu.tr/files/laboratuvar/engZ34a/msds/OlanzapineTablets.pdf

Olanzapine
Rat Oral LD50 177 mg/kg
you would need 1200 10mg tablets or 600 20mg tablets if you weight 80kg

 

[FuneralCry]

If someone can access a reliable suicide method that they feel confident in then that is a privilege, not everyone has the comfort of just knowing they can cease existing whenever they wish to as the option of a guaranteed suicide with no risks isn't a human right. In my case I feel trapped here because suicide is cruelly made so inacessible, it disgusts me how this society is anti-suicide even know existence is nothing more than meaningless and unnecessary suffering where one is just waiting to die anyway.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Ready in terms of if i had what i needed would i go through with it? YES.
Definitely not ready yet in terms of where and the equipment i need.

 

[Orange Cat]

I have everything that I need. I haven't been able to go through with it yet. I guess I'm not mentally ready yet to accept it.