Discussion Do you feel envious and angry when your friends made some achievement in life?

[XSmas]

Just like what the title said.

I only have a few "friends". Whenever my "friends" made an achievement in life or get ahead of me, i always feel envious, angry, and sometimes even depressed because i feel like I'm being left in the dust. Of course when they told me about it, I always congratulate them and said I'm happy for them. But that's just a lie. I only said it so my "friends" don't hate me. In reality, i want them to fail just like me.

I always thought that this kind of mentality is wrong. I shouldn't think of my "friends" like that. But I don't know how to change the way I think. I hate myself for not being able to change.

I want to know your opinion on this. Do you think it's normal to think like I do? Am I just a loser? Am I being a good friend? Am i just a fake friend? Do I deserve a friend?

 

[crystal_meth97]

No, I don't. I actually rejoice with them and genuinely feel good and celebrate their accomplishments. Their joy and excitement are also mine, just like their struggles are. However, I only have true friends in my life right now, people who really deserve the best and work for what they come to achieve. I got rid of toxic people 4 years ago, I can't deal with that anymore. Still, what you're feeling is completely valid and natural, I don't see anything wrong with that. I sometimes find myself feeling envious about things I'm insecure about, but I always remind myself that it's a me issue. These feelings are completely okay, no need to feel like a bad person for experiencing them because they don't make you a bad person. For me, their achievements often motivate me to work on myself or work, if it's job-related, more so I can also feel the sense of accomplishment they experience. So there is nothing wrong with what you feel, but maybe try to shift your perspective when you feel like that and see things in a different light. Allow yourself to feel envy and anger, but then use these intense emotions for motivation. Just my idea.

 

[divinemistress36]

Im a bitter soul I feel envious and angry but also joy for them

 

[thealteredmind]

healthy envious yes. angry but not at them, at my life and me. sad too.

but I LOVE that they are making progress. one of my friends had always had problems dating girls... now he's started doing it and whenever I see him I tease him with "sooo how many girls this week?" "MAN STOP THATS TOO MANY WOMEN STOP YOUR DICK IS GOING FALL OFF"

 

[XSmas]

I actually rejoice with them and genuinely feel good and celebrate their accomplishments. Their joy and excitement are also mine, just like their struggles are.

Okay. Now I envy you as well man haha.

Allow yourself to feel envy and anger, but then use these intense emotions for motivation.

I Already tried it, but my depression always come instead of motivation. Maybe I'm just a loser after all haha.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Friends? I don't have any. Even if I did, I wouldn't envy them as their achievements are most likely normie NPC things. The fact that they can wage slave in a job that they want to wage slave in isn't an achievement for me to envy. Neither is them finding their one true love or whatever other achievements that they have. I only really envy those who are dead as they no longer have to suffer

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I seem to get that feeling quite well, that's also probably why I only have my brother and partner as "friends" though I hate that word, I don't understand it.

 

[F@#$]

Not as much as when I see stories of people getting killed in an accident or shooting or whatever. I would gladly take their place.

 

[D1byRam3n]

For me Idk, and in my opinion that's normal to be like that, I guess?

 

[3/4Dead]

Sometimes yeah. I've been consciously reminding myself to be impressed and not jealous when people achieve things and i think its really helping with this, honestly.

 

[XSmas]

Friends? I don't have any.

To be honest, I'm not so sure myself if my friends are my real friends. Sometimes i feel like I'm just being a fake friends to them.

though I hate that word, I don't understand it.

Yea, as I grow up, the more I understand that the word "friends" have very broad meaning and everyone's understanding of it is very different for each person.

that's normal to be like that

Thanks, this part somewhat reassured me.

 

[abchia]

I'm truly happy for them because Ive seen their struggles and they deserve the best. but at the same time jealous especially if it's something that makes them visibly happy, I start thinking to myself why can't I have that, why can't that be me.

After seeing this happen multiple of times i kind of just accepted that they'll have all the nicer things in life

 

[natthebrat]

Yes and no. I'll often want what they have, to the point where it'll affect my attitude around/towards them. That said, if I act on that jealousy, that isn't really justified as (unless they did something unethical or against their values to achieve it) it isn't their fault that I can't have it.

For instance, I'm trans and I'll often feel jealous when I hear about other trans girls who got to transition younger than I did. While I will get sad and angry hearing about them, I try to remember that the ones to blame are nature (for making me be born at all and as the wrong sex) and society (for being transphobic), not the other person.

 

[Ambivalent1]

No because achievements don't matter.

 

[Hotsackage]

No, I'm happy, but when tell me how hard they work, and start giving me life advice, they can go do one

 

[ADBoy777]

I'm actually happy for them if they find joy and happiness in their achievements

 

[lizzywizzy09]

Good for them but I'm envious of just regular people now, whether they'd be considered successful or not.

 

[AnxietyHangover]

I have no IRL friends so there's no jealousy, but I'm looking at my former uni colleagues and see the nice well paid jobs they've got while I'm wasting away at this shit underpaid job where I don't use even 1% of my capabilities... It's depressing, it really is.

 

[qw3rty259]

That's why I rejected almost all of them. At the end of the day, the life is a competition, no Matt how you look at it, i don't care about people say you shouldn't compare yourself to others and stuff. It's impossible. If you're a loser - you lose, while people around you go places, achieve something. You hear about it from them and if your situation is constantly worse, you can't help but feel frustrated about it. So if you can't keep up with the people around you, the only way for you to be somewhat happy and actually to not compare yourself to others is to isolate yourself and don't hear about your friends' advances.

 

[ionlyexist]

Ive ended up isolating myself from all of my past 'friends' because of this Lol

 

[Alltheywanted]

It REALLY depends on my day, but I don't see anything wrong with experiencing so-called "bad emotions" like anger. As long as you won't decide on changing your entire mindset to stoic, which is pretty damn hard, you'll end up feeling jealous and angry at your friends' achievements.
Just remember, you DON'T control what emotions you feel, but you decide on what to do with/about them.
much love and gl <3

 

[maidens]

of course, I've never accomplished even one thing and I have no real talents so I can't help getting upset and envious. I never say this to their face though, I do the same as you and congratulate them

 

[baller]

i'm usually happy for them and want the best but I do get upset, not at them, but myself. But imo, I know thats on me and i don't blame them for my shit behaviour

 

[Agon321]

I currently have no friends because I lost them all. Mental illness forced me into isolationism, so I began to distance myself from everyone around me.

Honestly, I wish all the best to my friends from the past.
I still kind of like them.
I hope their lives will be good.

Of course, sometimes I feel bad when I see different people developing and I'm the only one standing still.
But I've already made up my mind about CTB.
When you know that you are heading towards death, you gain some distance from such matters.

My life is over, so I hope that at least the people I spent my childhood with will be better people than me (it's not difficult).

I'm sorry that life turned out this way and I am who I am, but fuck it.
Jealousy is no longer a feeling that accompanies me in such matters.

 

[TheLastBoyOnEarth]

I feel insecure as I'm in my 30s and I can't advance my life because of my chronic pain condition, so I see everyone have these interesting lives and i don't.

 

[HeartSayako]

Yeah, and it's like they're all moving up in life and I'm still in the same deep pit of shit. I don't like to think like that but there's nothing to do.

 

[dragonofenvy]

It's in my name. I suppose it makes me feel a little better if they try and fail at something because I've spent my whole life trying and failing, and rather than getting any kind of support I'd just get hit the "you need to try harder" line. For the people I know whose lives suck, then I feel bad for them if something bad happens but happy if something good happens. I guess I just feel schadenfreude for happy and successful people I know getting knocked down a peg since it brings them closer to me. I will never be successful, nor will I ever remember what being happy feels like, so when someone who has those two things gets beaten down a bit it makes me feel better for a bit.

 

[lnlybnny]

Well I don't have any "friends" but I see people who went to school with me and they're all thriving and succeeding and I feel terrible. But I don't envy them as I wouldn't trade my personality for theirs, to me they're just basic normies, having children etc and I don't want that. The part that gets to me is that they launched into adulthood successfully and I resent that yes, because it makes me wonder what would've happened if I explored my potential/abilities (if I ever had any). The people around me probably compare myself to them as well. I don't like to think about this.

 

[dolemitedrums]

No, I was always happy for my friends' achievements and I think they were happy for mine as well.

 

[Linda]

Just like what the title said.

I only have a few "friends". Whenever my "friends" made an achievement in life or get ahead of me, i always feel envious, angry, and sometimes even depressed because i feel like I'm being left in the dust. Of course when they told me about it, I always congratulate them and said I'm happy for them. But that's just a lie. I only said it so my "friends" don't hate me. In reality, i want them to fail just like me.

I always thought that this kind of mentality is wrong. I shouldn't think of my "friends" like that. But I don't know how to change the way I think. I hate myself for not being able to change.

I want to know your opinion on this. Do you think it's normal to think like I do? Am I just a loser? Am I being a good friend? Am i just a fake friend? Do I deserve a friend?

No, I don't. Not now, and in the past not usually. But there were a few occasions in the past when I did. I think it's quite a common experience. Don't worry too much about it. But try not to do it all the time.