Do you feel dead inside ?

[Zanmato]

Nowadays when I look in the mirror to see my eyes all I see is nothing deep inside. What I mean by nothing is no spark, no warmth, no joy and all I see tiredness. I don't recognise my reflection anymore all I see is a stranger behind the glass mirror.

This is what just happened to me, then I saw this post.

For me... It depends.
Some time, I feel a bit """better""".
What I mean: at least, I can enjoy my few hobbies.
Reading, watching series/movie, playing games.

Other time...
No, I just can't.
I just watch/play to letting my time passing by, but after all I'm getting bored very soon, so I turn off everything and go to bed, staying there.
Of course, right now is one of that moment.

 

[schmerz]

im desperately trying to revive myself but i dont think i'll ever get there again, i already feel dead

 

[wheezle42]

Yes. I wish I was on the outside too.

 

[Edpal247]

YES

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

ñañañaña I flagged this to mods ñañaña

shut up

she came to an extremely dark place. she can and will manage to push forward. this is only a bad period. like fucking covid.

Are you regularly just going to tell people to shut up? you're judging if people have a right to feel like they have legitimate reasons, and arguing with people. What is your goal here? how are you helping?

 

[EvisceratedJester]

unless you have some crippling mental disease or extreme pain... then yeah I would understand. I'm talking things with NO solution.

She has talked about having an ED, issues with self-harm, and other mental health problems for a long time and being unable to get help for them.

 

[thealteredmind]

She has talked about having an ED, issues with self-harm, and other mental health problems for a long time and being unable to get help for them.

didn't know

Are you regularly just going to tell people to shut up? you're judging if people have a right to feel like they have legitimate reasons, and arguing with people. What is your goal here? how are you helping?

"REGULARLY"

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

You got a warning. Up to you decide if you're going to pick on people and get banned, or learn some empathy. I'm sorry you're hurting so much you think cruelty to others is the right choice

 

[FireFox]

You got a warning. Up to you decide if you're going to pick on people and get banned, or learn some empathy. I'm sorry you're hurting so much you think cruelty to others is the right choice

@Lookingtoflyfree Warning what did I do ?

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

My comment wasn't directed at you - it's to the person attacking others in this thread :)

 

[agony1996]

Nowadays when I look in the mirror to see my eyes all I see is nothing deep inside. What I mean by nothing is no spark, no warmth, no joy and all I see tiredness. I don't recognise my reflection anymore all I see is a stranger behind the glass mirror.

When I was happy in Venince in the year 2022 my eyes felt warm and vibrant every time I looked at my reflection. For the first time that year I felt so alive and free.

2023 was the worst year of my life. Every good thing I was looking forward too got taken away from me and all I had since New Year's Day was things constantly going wrong for me even simple things went wrong too. That year finally broke me as a person. This year I finally can't cope anymore with the fact I once had everything going well for me at 25 in 2023 and I lost it all in 2023.

Does anyone feel dead inside ?

I'm sorry things turned out this way for you. I don't feel dead inside, I wish I did, to not have to deal with this emotional pain. I also had everything going for me, I was happy as I could be but everything came crashing down on me and all I want is to go back in time to when I was happy.
I understand you and it's just so sad and so unfair. Know that you're not alone

 

[Pricelessadvice]

I died when my son died so absolutely I'm dead inside. Like someone said … I'm just imitating life until I can CTB

Happened to Sinead O'Connor, too
I spent my life trying to fit in & can't. I no longer have the will. Once my dogs go I have my ticket. Humans have been merciless in my experience here.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

I can agree with that, a bad string of events doesn't make it unsolvable. Although I do also see that everyone's experience is different.

So little empathy for someone else. Really shameful.

This is so bizarre - it's such a good at times but there are a lot of very judgmental mean people as per usual ruining things for others

 

[FireFox]

I feel this way too. I would describe the way I feel as the opposite to "dead inside".

It's like I have this intense inner restlessness that's screaming at me to do something about my shitty life I can't bear to live, but I'm trapped inside a body that's dead and won't let me do anything. I still have desires and aspirations, I'm not okay with any of this and want to make a change but I lack the ability to stir this useless husk to action.

@vadim My body no longer feels under my control but under the control of something else, a darker entity. Everyday I feel it. Its a meancing presence that won't go away.

Having an eating disorder along with suicidal thoughts feels like having a doppelganger within you that stalks, shadows your life and slowly works to steal everything good you have in your life until it finally takes over your life.

As grow older I realise now people die from suicide not because their bodies succumbed to the illness but because the illness, the doppelganger won in taking total dominance of that person's body, mind and soul.

Happened to Sinead O'Connor, too
I spent my life trying to fit in & can't. I no longer have the will. Once my dogs go I have my ticket. Humans have been merciless in my experience here.

@Pricelessadvice What I hate about society is how we can't have a real and open conversation about suicide. How we treat people matters but people in society dont want to take responsibility for their behaviour. We live in a shallow self centred society where people don't want to empathise with peoples suffering and geniuley connect with others.

On a previous discord group I used to belong the moderator accused me of " pro suicide" talk when I just said " people get shocked when someone kills themselves but what we're they expecting to happen ? Why should a person live in a world where nobody cares about them nor thier problems" I was criticising society lack of care for others which does lead to people ending thier lives.

The moderator was a femcel bully who was always hostile towards me and spoke to me in therapy speak.

I don't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. I'm so tired of feeling tired.

@Not a Cylon same here. When I go into public I can't enjoy things anymore. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I am now a shell of myself.

 

[FireFox]

Same. Multiple traumas just have taken more and more of me, and replaced 'me' with this ghost who wants to be dead.

CPTSD has meant sexual assault, physical assault, emotional abuse and that's just the relationships. I feel like such a shell of the naive person I was. I really feel like death will be such a release. To not feel trauma any more sounds wonderful. When the time comes I know I'll be relaxed and finally feel calm in my soul.

I can't wait.

@Lookingtoflyfree You deserved so much better. Sexual abuse is the worst crime a human being can commit because it leaves the victim a lifetime of mental suffering which they will never get over.

A bank robber is more redeemable than a sexual abuser. The money the bank robber steals can be replaced whereas trauma from sexual assault will never go away.

 

[lyfsoverrated]

Yes I've always thought my Death Certificate has been lost in the mail. My body needs to catch up

Its probably been over 10 years since I had even slight moments of feeling alive.

 

[FireFox]

I'm sorry things turned out this way for you. I don't feel dead inside, I wish I did, to not have to deal with this emotional pain. I also had everything going for me, I was happy as I could be but everything came crashing down on me and all I want is to go back in time to when I was happy.
I understand you and it's just so sad and so unfair. Know that you're not alon

@agony1996 I am so sorry you went through that, you deserved so much better.

One of the worst things about mental illness is nobody sees how hard a person really tried to give themselves a good life and not let the illness win.

I would be alive today if the events of last year didn't happen. People in my life tell me I shouldn't let set backs knock me down.

I have had an avalanche of set backs hitting me I can't fight anymore.

Yes I've always thought my Death Certificate has been lost in the mail. My body needs to catch up

Its probably been over 10 years since I had even slight moments of feeling alive.

@lyfsoverrated I don't even know what is going on in my own head anymore. It's absolutely terrifying. Everyday I feel like I am drowning and physically I feel like my body is under the control of something else but all I know is I am not me anymore.

I keep imagining all these scenarios of how I am going to kill myself everyday this has become a regular occurance.

 

[agony1996]

Exactly that's the problem with mental illness people have absolutely no idea how much we suffer, they just view us as lazy not wanting to do anything with our life Ives and it's not something that you can just snap out of, it angers me when people say things like that.Like you I've tried everything to get better, everything, but nothing has worked. I really can't take the pain anymore, it's time to go but it's easier said than don't for several reasons, in my case. Well if you want talk I'm here.
Can I ask you a question, is not feeling worse the feeling for you?

 

[FireFox]

Exactly that's the problem with mental illness people have absolutely no idea how much we suffer, they just view us as lazy not wanting to do anything with our life Ives and it's not something that you can just snap out of, it angers me when people say things like that.Like you I've tried everything to get better, everything, but nothing has worked. I really can't take the pain anymore, it's time to go but it's easier said than don't for several reasons, in my case. Well if you want talk I'm here.
Can I ask you a question, is not feeling worse the feeling for you?

@agony1996 Exactly I am so sick and tired of people in my life telling me to "get over" the events of last year. These people think I want to continue crying my eyes out everyday over a 55 year old man I loved deeply and who broke my heart, losing my job and having my confidence broken by a belittling bullying boss and older colleagues who were two faced people playing games , being forced to defer at the last minute when I was ready to start, having to deal with being a stuck in a foreign country visiting relatives who don't even care about me while the 1 relative who did care about me is no longer here.

If getting over the past so easy we would all we doing it. I hate how people believe we can control our minds and behave hostile towards others who can't do the "magic" of letting go and moving on.

If it was that easy then Depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc would NOT exist as an illness and no human being would ever do drugs or contemplate suicide.

 

[agony1996]

@agony1996 Exactly I am so sick and tired of people in my life telling me to "get over" the events of last year. These people think I want to continue crying my eyes out everyday over a 55 year old man I loved deeply and who broke my heart, losing my job and having my confidence broken by a belittling bullying boss and older colleagues who were two faced people playing games , being forced to defer at the last minute when I was ready to start, having to deal with being a stuck in a foreign country visiting relatives who don't even care about me while the 1 relative who did care about me is no longer here.

If getting over the past so easy we would all we doing it. I hate how people believe we can control our minds and behave hostile towards others who can't do the "magic" of letting go and moving on.

If it was that easy then Depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc would NOT exist as an illness and no human being would ever do drugs or contemplate suicide.

I'm sorry you had to go through all of that in the space of one year, it's a lot.
I can relate to you in the aspect of loosing a romantic partner in a break
up. After the first man I truly loved left me I was in a tremendous amount of pain, all I did was cry, I couldn't speak, I was in this agonizing catatonic state, I had to drop out of college because I just couldn't get out of bed. To others it's just a break up but I guess some of us are more sensitive than others, to me it was the end of the world so I completely understand you.
I think we would be better off not having a good heart so that we wouldn't have to suffer, people with black hearts are not phased by anything because they don't care about anything or anyone but themselves but I envy them, I wish I could be that way, going through life never feeling any pain. I feel for you