Do you feel comfort from this site?

[Sundayafternoon]

Don't feel out of place here. We don't care about race, sex, sexual orientation, religion, country, or whatever. We all are in the same boat(well, almost), and we aren't here to attack anyone. We are one big supportive family.

Thank you! I feel welcomed. I just worry about not being able to relate to many things. But, that's my own neurosis I've gotta deal with. :)

 

[Empty Smile]

Thank you! I feel welcomed. I just worry about not being able to relate to many things. But, that's my own neurosis I've gotta deal with. :)

Ahh, I'm sure you'll have one or two or more people here who might relate with some things, or multiple people who relate with all of them.

But, as always, don't be afraid to ask or comment. We don't judge.

 

[Retched]

Yes. And I wish I would have found this site sooner than I did!

 

[Sundayafternoon]

To be honest... Only kind of now. I see a lot of people that aren't really going to ctb but are actually just here for a cry for help......Either you have everything planned out and there is nothing that will stop you OR you're here for attention and trying to find help so you don't have to ctb.

I've grappled with that myself and I agree to certain extent. "Either I'm going to do it or I'm not. How many threads must I start?!"

People who want "help" shouldn't come here for help.

But, there are those like myself, that are pretty certain there is no help to be attained or just flat out don't want to be bothered by existence.
Still, we have no set dates, no reliable method on hand, and no location picked out. We may be frightened, have pending responsibilities, ect., but we never forget we don't like the human experience.

We keep drifting along until the picture gets clearer. In the meantime, it gets lonely (for some) contemplating the biggest decision we'll ever make, all in secret

A little attention from people that understand can go a long away.

 

[Karl]

I do not like to interact, but I like to read some stories that interest me.

 

[Motherfly]

Yes. Too much maybe. Need to concentrate on the pain.

 

[Empty Smile]

This is open for a lot of the responses I've read on here, I couldn't just quote on one person.

If they are not planning to ctb, then they are here for support from people with the same issues they have. This place is also a refuge from dealing with people irl. It's also a place where they can open up with their feelings without fear of being judged or attacked.

I can openly express my thoughts and feelings here without freaking out, compared to if you were sitting in front of me, which then I would probably stay quiet and shut myself down.

I have to be able to really really trust you to open up to you face to face, as with the girl I lost several years ago. I could open up to her with no problem. After I lost her, I completely shut down... You couldn't get inside my head with a crowbar.

So whether we are catching the bus or not, I don't think making this site for only those who are, would be fair to those who only need someone to talk to.

Hey, if I talk someone and make them feel a lot better, and decide life is worth living, then I did something worthwhile. If not, I failed. That's all there is to it.

 

[Johnnythefox]

This is open for a lot of the responses I've read on here, I couldn't just quote on one person.

If they are not planning to ctb, then they are here for support from people with the same issues they have. This place is also a refuge from dealing with people irl. It's also a place where they can open up with their feelings without fear of being judged or attacked.

I can openly express my thoughts and feelings here without freaking out, compared to if you were sitting in front of me, which then I would probably stay quiet and shut myself down.

I have to be able to really really trust you to open up to you face to face, as with the girl I lost several years ago. I could open up to her with no problem. After I lost her, I completely shut down... You couldn't get inside my head with a crowbar.

So whether we are catching the bus or not, I don't think making this site for only those who are, would be fair to those who only need someone to talk to.

Hey, if I talk someone and make them feel a lot better, and decide life is worth living, then I did something worthwhile. If not, I failed. That's all there is to it.

Very well put, I've tried numerous times throughout my life to CTB, I also like to think I've helped people in the same position to rethink the situation. Just seems that every few years I find myself in the same spot except there's no one there for me.

 

[Empty Smile]

Very well put, I've tried numerous times throughout my life to CTB, I also like to think I've helped people in the same position to rethink the situation. Just seems that every few years I find myself in the same spot except there's no one there for me.

I agree with the part where you find yourself in the same spot and no one is there. I know that feeling all too well.

 

[stargazer]

Yes and no. The waiting is the hardest part, but the resource pages are great.

 

[Rocky M]

Of course. This place gives me a chance to give me my resolve. The wonderful people have been patient with me, especially when I don't shut up about a certain someone (and I do apologize for it), and I feel a sense of belonging for once. I think it's a nice place to be before I go.

 

[Fcancer]

This community seems really supportive and the board's usability is at a very high level, no wonder that it's so easy to become addicted to SS. But to be honest, I'm afraid of scammers and predators hanging around( Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt anyone.

Hello and best wishes, dw you didn't hurt me.

Love from

Your local scamming predator.

 

[Winona]

Hello and best wishes, dw you didn't hurt me.

Love from

Your local scamming predator.

Haha, so sweet of you

 

[Skathon]

Of course, ever since it was a subreddit.

 

[Mr2005]

I must get something from it but no overall it's caused me massive anxiety and literal nightmares

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

Idk, most people here are truly thoughtful and have at least some sort of lovely quality about them. Which, leaves me saddened about all the suffering people have experienced.

I feel like an outsider here as well, just like every other place/group I've been exposed to, but that's a personal issue. In other words, I'm too stupid and unqualified to be commenting imho.

But this forum provides very interesting reading material; I really enjoy seeing well-thought out, often differing thoughts from those I hear in person.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Weirdly comfortable.
It makes me feel cuddly. Weirdly cuddly.
I am not a cuddly person. Not towards humans, at least. Bring me a cat, though, and I'll cuddle that ball of fluff for hours!

 

[Paulsmith]

Yes. Very comfortable

 

[wiIIow]

I'd hope to regain the initial comfort I felt here, this place has been a weirdly comfortable sanctuary for me to escape to, and express myself openly without fear of retaliation. after a lifetime of feeling like an alien, it's extremely refreshing to be in a place where I can relate with and have stimulating conversations with so many people at once.

one small event has left me getting fragile and paranoid, but I will probably be fine after laying low for a little while.

I hope so, because though it's a dark place it is unique and comforting to me. i feel less alone when i can be here. like some twisted sort of therapy after being let down by professionals over and over

 

[Finallyhere]

It's nice to have somewhere I can go to 24/7 where there are people who face the same struggle deep inside. Helps getting tips and speaking freely about the right ways to ctb without causing unnecessary suffering to myself and others. Made me rethink ctbing at home, jumping from seven stories, drowning myself and other bad methods. Kinda saved me from suffering. It's also given me some better methods which cost some change, so that's a comfort as well, knowing there's a peaceful way out if/when I can invest in it.

Also nice knowing some people find a way out of wanting to ctb and can recover. Gives me hope no matter what decision I choose. I really feel not alone in my feelings, thoughts and actions. I feel I can't share deep and dark emotions with most people in real life so it's nice to relate to others on here.

 

[Lra888]

Yes, feel less alone.

 

[Louise]

I do find it comforting, yes. I used to go on reddit SS before it was banned and this place is much better. Not so angry young man-ish.

When the site was down briefly for maintenance I missed it terribly. I'm thoroughly addicted even though it's only been a few weeks.

There's a whole lot of stuff that doesn't have to be explained or justified here.

People are very accepting and welcoming, we are comrades in this literal life and death struggle whether we are 'recovering', still looking for methods, have plans or not, or are actually standing on the brink.

I don't have immediate plans myself. I know that just getting N doesn't overcome the survival instinct. I know that because I had N for over a year and didn't even come close to using it for the purpose I got it for.

Yes, I used up all my N 'recreationally' , wasted that opportunity for which many here long. What was I thinking? Guess I just wasn't. Also, I ordered three times, twice from J and once from A.

I know I've strayed far off topic but in a way it illustrates how we can confess things we are ashamed of on this site. A big thank you to the mods and everyone else that makes this community.

 

[longingforrelease]

Like everyone else, I'm chock full of opinions. I'm normally completely against parents with small ones ending their existence. Still, I can't and won't ever judge because I don't live your life.

I only wanted to say I admire the thought you're putting into your daughter's emotional after care. Again, I love the idea of journal or letters that she can re-read througout the years.

If there is anyone you'd trust with the task, you can maybe write her series of age appropriate letters, detailing what led to your decision and your subsequent journey, to be disbursed on her bds. Or whatever day seems most important or reasonable.

I don't know her age or temperament but I'm assuming she's young and doesn't need to be introduced to the idea of suicide anytime soon. However, (when she's older) I think there is a lot to be said for explaining to her that you did nothing fundamentally wrong, and, therefore, there is nothing for her to feel shame or harbor guilt over. Only a thought.

I know this was unsolicited and I hope it's taken with the good intentions i intended.

It's my mom's bd I'm feeling emotional and your post touched me a bit.

I have letters from her but they were all written to me before the age of 12. Full of cutesy words and "I-Love-You's" galore. Still, she left me with no understanding of what tormented her. I don't know what she was running from. What she was looking for. I don't know who I am or why I wasn't enough to keep her going.

Sorry, I got going! Lol

those were most welcome and well received comments. Thank you very much. I have indeed thought about entrusting my journal - my intention would be to leave it an easily found place so that she would be sure to receive it. But what I have thought about is additionally writing a formal suicide note and leave it with a trusted friend here in Thailand. The point being is that I would ask him to NEVER release it to anyone UNLESS for some reason my death was in fact ruled a suicide (I'm leaning toward SWB but my family knows I'm a strong swimmer, a scuba diver, etc. so they might have suspicions that could lead to an inquest that might uncover something. There is also a chance that even though I have already started the process of cleaning up my online accounts of any evidence that I've been in discussions about suicide (dropbox, flickr, etc.) lit's possible I could miss something that an inquest might uncover. So my thoughts are that I attempt a method like SWB that I hope would look accidental and thus prevent my daughter from having to endure that, but still write a formal letter and leave it with my trusted friend here so that in case something is found that would render a finding of suicide, at that point and only at that point, my friend would then present my daughter wiht my letter that would hopefully help minimize the complex grief of suicide survival (by assuring her I loved her, that this was about leaving an unbearable life not about abandoning her, etc.). I find the troubles you still deal with consistent with what I've learned about suicide survivors and my hope is that my journal and if necessary my letter, would aid her in processing those things.

Anyway, thanks so much for your comments and for sharing your experience. It's greatly appreciated. peace to you friend

 

[longingforrelease]

A lot of what you said falls on me as well. I can come here and speak openly about my issues without having to worry about being judged. Here, I can tell people things that I can't tell people face to face. Maybe it's the anonymously way of doing it, I don't know.

I can write my feelings down better than I can talk about it. It just seems when I talk to people irl, I tend to lock up.

I'm with you, Empty Smile. This place is like no other .I can put into words feelings and emotions that I haven't even been able to formulate in my head. Maybe it is the anonymity of the place, but for me it's also the experience of support, empathy and loving kindness that are, to me, the hallmarks of this place and thus gives me me the confidence and will to express myself here like no where else. I'm so glad you too have found us. Blessings to you.
b

 

[muretax]

I absolutely love this site. Often when I'm feeling really down and hopless my first thought is to sign into here. For the first time I feel as if I found a group of people I truly relate with. Everyone here is so welcoming and loving and most importantly, not judgmental. I can finally, openly talk about and relate to those who want to ctb and all the emotions that come with it not to mention the support and love when one is having a rough day and needs to vent. I'm in awe with how supportive everyone here is on this site and I'm happy to be a part of this community.

It really feels like we are one big family, I finally found my people.

 

[OkTotti]

I do find it comforting, yes. I used to go on reddit SS before it was banned and this place is much better. Not so angry young man-ish.

When the site was down briefly for maintenance I missed it terribly. I'm thoroughly addicted even though it's only been a few weeks.

There's a whole lot of stuff that doesn't have to be explained or justified here.

People are very accepting and welcoming, we are comrades in this literal life and death struggle whether we are 'recovering', still looking for methods, have plans or not, or are actually standing on the brink.

I don't have immediate plans myself. I know that just getting N doesn't overcome the survival instinct. I know that because I had N for over a year and didn't even come close to using it for the purpose I got it for.

Yes, I used up all my N 'recreationally' , wasted that opportunity for which many here long. What was I thinking? Guess I just wasn't. Also, I ordered three times, twice from J and once from A.

I know I've strayed far off topic but in a way it illustrates how we can confess things we are ashamed of on this site. A big thank you to the mods and everyone else that makes this community.

Who is this 'J' that you refer to when ordering N.?