Do you fear the pain or the death?

[Forever Sleep]

Mostly the pain but the unknown aspect of death is troubling too- mainly whether there is anything after and how bad that might be. If there's nothing though, I'm fine with not existing- I won't know about it anyway.

 

[cowboypants]

Pain is the main barrier for me. I think I'm more curious about what's there after death.

Does the concept of me or consciousness just dies off? Likely it would still makes me feel both comforting and eerie

 

[VoidedExistence]

Yes, I fear the pain. I have tried hanging myself a few times, hurts a lot. I would have been dead if it was not for the pain.

 

[lawlietsph]

The pain, the dying part. It is what terrifies me; maybe not getting enough oxygen, suffocating or something like that.
Death itself feels kinda peaceful to me, I think this is something that everyone has to go through eventually, so it must be a natural, and "completely okay" thing.
I have no idea what happens after, I don't believe in anything, but what I'm hoping is ethernal peace and just NOT EXISTING ANYMORE.

 

[Artemisia]

If it wasn't painful would you be dead by now?

I'm not sure. I don't really want to die, I want to live, but incompetent doctors have ignored me or made my problem worse so far. Some days I'm holding on to the hope it'll eventually get better, some others I really think it's over and I'd rather be dead. I don't fear death at all, for me it's just the big nothing, no consciousness, no pain, no sorrow, no joy either but what does it matter? What I fear is the process of dying without any sort of quality of life and I'm quickly getting there. I've chosen CO a long time ago as my way out and I'm so happy to have found here a better way to use it, so I'm not very worried if/when I decide to use it.

 

[Rubypie41]

I'm sure it's the same for most:

1. Fear of it being a painful process
2. Fear of not being successful
3. Fear of not being successful and left in a worse position

I would say those are the top 3 fears, but of course there is the fear of death itself and not knowing what truly happens. I'm of the belief that we enter eternal nothingness (like before we were born), but even that in itself is a strange concept, nothingness forever.

 

[SSN0854]

I think i fear the pain of not dying more. It might be the only thing keeping me tethered to the here and now. The fear that i'll screw things up horribly and be maimed for life and in even less of a position to do anything about it. I don't even just mean crippling injury; like something that'll ultimately end up killing you, but over months instead of moments.

 

[Forveleth]

I stopped fearing death in my teens but I have always had a fear of pain (something I hate about myself). As my daily misery drags on however, I am slowly losing that fear too. I am pretty much ready to go.

 

[alltoomuch2]

Neither. It's the fear of failing and being in a worse position eg permanently disabled in some way, or chronic liver failure or similar.

I think i fear the pain of not dying more. It might be the only thing keeping me tethered to the here and now. The fear that'll i'll screw things up horribly i'll be maimed for life and in even less of a position to do anything about it. I don't even just mean crippling injury. Just like something that'll ultimately end up killing you, but over months instead of moments.

This is my fear also.

 

[alivefornow]

I fear the pain but I would accept it if it meant that I would die.

 

[alltoomuch2]

Yes, I fear the pain. I have tried hanging myself a few times, hurts a lot. I would have been dead if it was not for the pain.

Hope you don't mind me commenting but I didn't realise hanging hurts a lot. Would you mind sharing what hurts? is it the muscles of the neck with your bodyweight pulling down? HOpe you don't mind me asking and np if you don't want to answer but I really want to ctb but still struggling with which method and I thought I'd be unconscious within seconds with hanging. But don't traumatise yourself by answering if that might happen.

 

[nonentity]

i fear more what happens post expiry - how all my loved ones would feel without me, and how it would destroy their lives

 

[VoidedExistence]

Hope you don't mind me commenting but I didn't realise hanging hurts a lot. Would you mind sharing what hurts? is it the muscles of the neck with your bodyweight pulling down? HOpe you don't mind me asking and np if you don't want to answer but I really want to ctb but still struggling with which method and I thought I'd be unconscious within seconds with hanging. But don't traumatise yourself by answering if that might happen.

It is actually about to be three years in a few days since I did that. I don't know if I am remembering it correctly, but I think it felt like being in a very tight, sharp choke hold, my throat hurt badly. It was not any muscle hurting. For me, falling from a height seems the best way to CTB. Make sure it is very high to 100% guarantee your death.

 

[alltoomuch2]

It is actually about to be three years in a few days since I did that. I don't know if I am remembering it correctly, but I think it felt like being in a very tight, sharp choke hold, my throat hurt badly. It was not any muscle hurting. For me, falling from a height seems the best way to CTB. Make sure it is very high to 100% guarantee your death.

Thanks for sharing that with me. I hope it didn't upset you recalling it for me. I was considering jumping but the only thing of height which is an hour or less drive from me is onto water and after listening to the guy who survived jumping off the Golden Gate bridge and was in the water with a fractured spine, it's gone way down my list. Maybe I'll concentrate on finding a jump onto solid ground. I live in the flattest part of the UK unfortunately but once my partner moves out, no one will know where I am or what I'm doing so many methods are available to me without fear of being disturbed. My worry about jumping is that by the time I get there, SI will have had a chance to kick in. But I'll get there one day. I'm more determined each time.

 

[VoidedExistence]

Thanks for sharing that with me. I hope it didn't upset you recalling it for me. I was considering jumping but the only thing of height which is an hour or less drive from me is onto water and after listening to the guy who survived jumping off the Golden Gate bridge and was in the water with a fractured spine, it's gone way down my list. Maybe I'll concentrate on finding a jump onto solid ground. I live in the flattest part of the UK unfortunately but once my partner moves out, no one will know where I am or what I'm doing so many methods are available to me without fear of being disturbed. My worry about jumping is that by the time I get there, SI will have had a chance to kick in. But I'll get there one day. I'm more determined each time.

It's fine, I make sure it recall that memory regularly to remind me how all this suffering could have been prevented. All these years of suffering could have never happened if only I hung in there for few minutes. Just a few minutes of pain for years of suffering, how great of a deal is that. And I fucked it up. I hope you find peace, however you may pursue to achieve it.

 

[alltoomuch2]

It's fine, I make sure it recall that memory regularly to remind me how all this suffering could have been prevented. All these years of suffering could have never happened if only I hung in there for few minutes. Just a few minutes of pain for years of suffering, how great of a deal is that. And I fucked it up. I hope you find peace, however you may pursue to achieve it.

thank you xxx

 

[Quiet_Cricket]

The pain scares me but also the chance of it failing and being left unable to try again.

 

[gingerhoneysoul]

I always fear the pain. I attempted to drown myself twice - once in a lake and the second in my own bathtub, while in toxicated. The pain made it too unbearable to successfully execute my plan.

 

[ARW3N]

Unfortunately, yes, because of the restricted access to CTB. Needless to say, pro-lifers are poring through over this forum in order to find ways of further restricting access to CTB. The problem is there is no other forum like this. Feels like it's constantly being scrutinised

 

[HopeToStay]

I wouldn't want a violent and painful end, because i want to enjoy my last day with all the troubles of the world lifted. I'd go out, do a few things i like to do, walk on the beach and listen to the waves crashing against the shore one last time, enjoy a nice meal, maybe catch my favorite movie. And then at night, sip on a sour tasting drink and slowly drift off to sleep, like any other night, just this time i wouldn't wake up in the morning. That sounds wonderful, truly liberating. I wouldn't even be sad, i'd have a smile on my face and a spring in my step. In fact, I might even just choose to live another day, and another... safe in the knowledge I could always sign off when I want.

With a violent end though, you're always going to be dreading going through that last moment, and worried about SI kicking in and not going through with it. You would never escape the things driving you to suicide in the first place.